Chapter 42

Lin Xigu had a feeling that love was right around the corner.

The boy he liked also liked him back; the universe was smiling down on him. Lin Xigu typed a reply to Fang Zhiyuan to thank him. He didn’t explain why he was thanking him but he expressed his gratitude all the same.

He was thankful that Fang Zhiyuan had leaked the rumour about his sexuality which had given him the opportunity to transfer to a new school. Otherwise, how would he have ever met She Xiao, who had made his world come alive with so many colours?

Xie Yang had just returned from his travels. He was tanned all over. He wasn’t pale to begin with and now sported a buzzcut. His teeth appeared especially white when he smiled.

He knocked on Lin Xigu’s door to bring him a bag of exotic snacks that he had bought for him. Lin Xigu thanked him.

“No biggie, you don’t have to thank me.”

“Are you going away again?” Lin Xigu asked.

“Yup, I’m off to Tibet next week.”

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In a hoarse voice, he asked, “What would it take to keep you from harm…”

She Xiao stroked his hair with his other hand.

Lin Xigu wiped his chin hastily with his arm and continued bandaging the wound. He continued dejectedly in a small voice, “Have you ever thought about leaving that place?”

She Xiao paused soundlessly, then shook his head.

“How come?” Lin Xigu was struck with an idea and he grabbed She Xiao’s hand excitedly. “Why don’t you come stay with me? Don’t go back there anymore. We can lead normal lives. What do you think?”

She Xiao looked at him, his eyes soft. But he was still shaking his head.

Lin Xigu had known that it would be an impossible request, so he didn’t insist on it.

However, he did insist on going home with She Xiao, no matter how many times She Xiao refused. The two of them came to an impasse at the entrance of Lin Xigu’s compound, neither budging.

Lin Xigu refused to go home. He wanted to go with She Xiao. He swore up and down that he would leave as soon as they reached the gate. 

She Xiao disapproved. 

But as long as he refused, Lin Xigu also stubbornly refused to go inside. The two of them faced off at the gates for a long time. At last, She Xiao surrendered first. He sighed, then said, “You can only come… to the door. You must.”

Lin Xigu nodded. “I can do that.”

It was already too late that night. “Tomorrow,” She Xiao said. “Go home… for today.”

“Okay,” Lin Xigu agreed obediently.

He hadn’t thought that She Xiao would actually acquiesce. He thought they were going to have to rehash their last fight, with the two of them locked in a stalemate and walking on eggshells around each other for a few days. But She Xiao had given in first. She Xiao kept his eyes on him as he went upstairs. He was unhappy; that much was clear from his eyes.

From that day on, Lin Xigu insisted on walking She Xiao to his house. He didn’t live far, his building a mere 10-minute walk from where Lin Xigu lived, so Lin Xigu now arrived home 20 minutes later than before. He always texted She Xiao as soon as he got home to let him know that he was okay.

She Xiao would start urging him to turn back within a kilometre of his compound. He would come to a complete stop and look at Lin Xigu. “Go.”

“We’re not there yet.” Lin Xigu would study She Xiao’s expression. If it was serious, like he was about to be angry in the next second, he would leave. But if it seemed he could press his luck a little more, he would keep walking.

He wasn’t the timid boy too afraid of offending She Xiao anymore and there was nothing She Xiao could do about it.

He had even walked She Xiao right to the door of his building once, grinning the whole way. She Xiao miraculously did not try to make him leave that day. Lin Xigu had been expecting She Xiao to shoo him off with every step, but She Xiao only shot him warning looks without saying anything. 

Lin Xigu pretended like he hadn’t noticed.

“No one’s home?” Lin Xigu asked when they had reached his building.

She Xiao blinked.

No wonder he was so relaxed. She Xiao lowered his guard when he knew that no one was home which allowed Lin Xigu to get even closer.

Lin Xigu was like a quiet but mischievous kitten, testing his limits with every step. 

She Xiao stayed relaxed for the rest of the week. Lin Xigu discovered that he was calm and peaceful when there was no one else home. He remembered previous times when She Xiao had suddenly turned silent and sullen which had probably meant that that man had returned. 

He prayed for that man to leave and never come back. That way, She Xiao would never have to be in a constant state of tension, and he would never be hurt again.

---

“Come on, look alive. I have something to announce.” Halfway through self-study, Zhou Cheng tapped on the lectern. Those who had fallen asleep lifted their heads wearily to listen.

“It’s been quite hot lately and I know that everyone is tired.” Zhou Cheng thumped on the blackboard, rousing everyone who was still asleep. “Hang in there for a few more days. You’ll soon get eight days off as a little break.”

The class howled in disbelief. Eight days was too miserably short for summer break. 

“It’s not that the school doesn’t know how you feel, but kiddos, you and I both know how much pressure next year’s Gaokao exam will bring. You might have heard that B Academy is not giving their senior class any time off. I also know that SQ High is letting their students take off for the full one-and-a-half months. But ask yourselves, do you have the self-discipline to retain everything you’ve learned if the school really were to give you one-and-a-half months off? By the time you return, it will take at least two weeks of review to bring you back up to speed. There’s not enough time, folks.”

“You should know by now how much you like to procrastinate. You ought to be doubling your study time, never mind the break. If I were you, I’d be petitioning the school to stay open through the night so I could spend the whole day at school if I had to.”

Zhou Cheng delivered a motivational talk once per week during their study halls, asking them to look ahead to their future goals while assessing their present performance. 

She Xiao was still napping on his desk. He was the only one in the room who was still asleep.

Zhou Cheng kept looking in his direction. Lin Xigu was hesitant to wake him up.

“You’re all so good at sleeping when you should be worrying about school. Don’t think it hasn’t escaped my notice that some of you are sleeping through every study hall. What confidence! To still be sleeping at a time like this? If I were you, I wouldn’t be able to sleep.”

He glanced at She Xiao again and sighed. “I wouldn’t be nagging you about sleeping if you were all more like She Xiao. He got the top score on the last exam, what about you? Just look at the way you answered my math questions! You even made me feel sorry for myself. But really, She Xiao shouldn’t be sleeping right now either. Lin Xigu, can you wake him? He shouldn’t be sleeping while the teacher is speaking.”

The class collectively swiveled their heads to look at him.

What are you all looking at? Lin Xigu wanted to say. Turn around! He’s going to be confused if I wake him up and you’re all staring at him. He also did not want the whole class to see how adorable She Xiao looked when he woke up. That version of She Xiao was for his eyes only.

“Didn’t you hear me, Lin Xigu? Wake him up please.”

Lin Xigu didn’t know what to do, being called on by Zhou Cheng for a second time. He pushed on She Xiao’s shoulder lightly. Ever since Lin Xigu started sitting beside him again, She Xiao had been able to sleep more soundly, as if having him by his side allowed him to lower his defenses and relax completely.

He didn’t wake when Lin Xigu pushed him.

“Put a little force into it!” Zhou Cheng said. “Is he going to wake up if you pet him? Did you skip lunch today?”

The class snickered.

Lin Xigu was beyond exasperated. Laoshi, can you please stop putting the spotlight on us and ask the general audience to look away already?!

He had no choice but to push She Xiao harder. She Xiao woke up this time and looked at him with an expression of puzzlement, his eyebrows raised as if to ask him what was wrong.

Everyone watching was stunned by She Xiao’s expression. Some even had to clean their glasses. 

They had never seen such an expression on She Xiao’s face before! Despite having his nap interrupted, he wasn’t angry at all! He wasn’t frowning or glaring! And he had such a gentle look in his eyes when he raised his brows! My god, was that boy still She Xiao? There was no possible way that it was She Xiao!

“She Xiao, try not to sleep so much at school.” Zhou Cheng cleared his throat, continuing. “Do as many practice questions as you can during these sessions. Don’t forget you have an important competition coming up next term. I’m counting on you to win a podium spot on the Gaokao exam!” 

She Xiao turned to the front and looked at him in acknowledgment.

“All right, settle down, all eyes on me. I was wondering why my students had turned into a field of sunflowers with your faces all pointing over there. Why can’t I ever seem to command that same attention from you while I’m teaching?”

More than half the period was taken up by Zhou Cheng’s nagging. Lin Xigu was still grumpy about the whole class seeing She Xiao’s adorable expression.

But Zhou Cheng had helped to remind him that summer break was almost upon them. It was a good thing that it would only be a little over a week. Otherwise, he would not be able to handle not seeing She Xiao every day.

That night, Lin Xigu walked him to his door as always. “Are you allowed to leave the house during the break?” He asked.

She Xiao nodded.

“Can you come over then?” Lin Xigu asked him, blinking rapidly. “You can study at my place, is that okay?”

“Mn,” She Xiao said.

Lin Xigu opened his mouth to say something else but She Xiao suddenly pushed him away after glancing up at the window. His voice had suddenly turned frosty. “Go.”

Lin Xigu was startled by the push. “What’s wrong?” he asked blankly.

“Hurry.” She Xiao’s brows were in a tight knot, his face suddenly stern. “Go home.”

Lin Xigu glanced up too. He didn’t know which floor She Xiao lived on. His heart clenched as he realized She Xiao must have seen something. He nodded. “Mn, I’m going.“

No one had been home lately so She Xiao had allowed Lin Xigu to walk him right to his building every day. From his reaction, Lin Xigu knew that the man had returned.

He was worried but he said nothing as he walked away quickly. She Xiao waited until he had reached the gates of the compound before turning and entering the building.

Lin Xigu paused, then ran back to where he was. Through the glass door, he could see the elevator going up until it finally stopped on the 13th floor. 

She Xiao lived on the 13th floor.

Lin Xigu backed away from the building and looked up. There was only one unit on the 13th floor that had its lights on.

That was where She Xiao lived. She Xiao was inside. 

Lin Xigu didn’t have a key fob so he couldn’t get inside. He stood there, looking up at the lit window. After ten minutes had passed, he sent She Xiao a text.

I just got home. Is everything okay?

She Xiao texted him back after a few minutes. 

I’m okay.

That night, Lin Xigu stood outside She Xiao’s building for three hours, well after dark, until the unit on the 13th floor had turned off its lights.

It was the last unit to shut off its lights.

After the light faded from the 13th floor, the entire complex was plunged into darkness.

Carrying his backpack on his shoulders, Lin Xigu walked home slowly under the thick cover of the night. 

I can’t bear your burdens, but I will be with you every step of the way.