Chapter 35

Lin Xigu seemed to have discovered a method of communicating with She Xiao. He began to doodle little notes for She Xiao. He had even browsed for chibi art tutorials online.

Every morning, he would place a different note on She Xiao’s desk. Sometimes the little person would say, “good morning”. Other times, it would have its arms open, soliciting a hug. He didn’t know if She Xiao ever read his notes, and he didn’t know if She Xiao was annoyed by them.

But he wanted to do something, at least. He wanted to cheer him up.

The results of his experiments were inconclusive. 

The seniors had all finished writing their Gaokao exams and officially graduated. The campus suddenly felt empty without them around. Lin Xigu asked Xie Yang how the exam went. “It went okay,” Xie Yang answered indifferently.

Xie Yang was hosting a house party for the new grads finally liberated from their gruelling high school life. He had invited Lin Xigu, but Lin Xigu had refused with a smile. As someone who was more or less an introvert, he could handle a small gathering with a few friends but he didn’t feel comfortable with too many people around.

Though the floors were soundproofed, there was still a lot of noise filtering down from upstairs. Lin Xigu didn’t mind. He cracked open a window, took out a cigarette and lighter from his bedside table, and lit it.

He still had not learned how to smoke properly. The first drag made him choke.

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— Fbl Dkys-tltl, esd’v qsatlv uswa wxcalzzy obld usw zlyhl.

Mblu bye vs jllr vbl zktbvp sd kd vbl nzyppassx qsa lynb zlppsd. Mbl pju swvpkel oyp y eyaj pvsaxu talu, snnypksdyzzu zkv cu qzypblp sq zktbvdkdt.

Mbl aykd pvsrrle caklqzu kd vbl yqvladssd. Gzvbswtb vbl nzswep pvwnj yaswde, yv zlypv kv oypd’v aykdkdt yduxsal. Fsxlsdl pdllgle. G dlo oyhl sq vbl qzw oyp xyjkdt kvp oyu yaswde. Mbl nwpvsekydp wpwyzzu vssj nyal vs ekpkdqlnv yzz vbl pwaqynlp yde yka swv vbl nzyppassx lhlau eyu cwv ewl vs vbl aykd, vbl okdesop pvyule pbwv, yde vbl pdllglp cltyd vs pralye qasx sdl pkel sq vbl assx vs vbl svbla.

Lin Xigu was not an exception to the rule.

He could feel his head growing uncomfortably heavy with fog. He rubbed his nose, remembering the cold medicine that She Xiao had bought him last time he was sick. The rest of the medicine was still sitting on his bedside table. He would take some when he got home that night. He wasn’t sure if it had expired already — it had only been a year, so probably not.

His mind wandering, Lin Xigu tried to while away the rest of evening self-study, looking forward to going home once it was over. He didn’t expect, however, that the rain would come back for an encore in the latter half of the evening, bucketing down in sheets of water that smashed angrily against the ground, the thunder rumbling out in consecutive waves. 

Li Balei’s flowery umbrella had been torn apart by the wind that morning and couldn’t be reused. Fang Xiaoshan had offered her his umbrella but Lin Xigu had immediately stuffed his own umbrella into her backpack. His house was comparatively closer than Fang Xiaoshan’s, at least.

It was pandemonium at the front gates of the school. The road was backed up end-to-end with taxis and parents trying to pick up students. The driving conditions were horrible as well. Lin Xigu searched for She Xiao but couldn’t find him. He was worried that She Xiao wouldn’t want to use his umbrella and would try to walk home without it.

There was no chance of getting a cab without having reserved one ahead of time. Lin Xigu stood at the gates for twenty minutes without managing to flag down a single one. And with the road still so congested, he feared that they would be stuck in traffic for a long time before they could start moving.

Taking a deep breath, he took off his backpack, hugging it to his chest, and stepped out into the rain. The rain wasn’t cold as it splashed over him; it just made it a little hard to see. He used to love puddle hopping in the rain as a child but his parents had always stopped him.

People always said that getting rained on helped you grow taller. It would be nice if he could grow a few more inches as well. 

Lin Xigu walked quickly. He didn’t take his usual route which he normally only walked for She Xiao’s sake. Right now, he only wanted to get home as quickly as possible, so he was speeding along the street that would take him directly to his compound.

He didn’t know how She Xiao was getting home. Was he using the umbrella?

Along the way, he was passed every now and then by other students running home. You’re already wet anyway, Lin Xigu thought. There’s no point in running if the results are the same. Stop running already. 

There were many puddles along the sidewalk. The street was built on lower terrain so all the water had pooled there, with one pond-like puddle after another. Lin Xigu hadn’t walked this way in a long time so he wasn’t familiar with the path.

He had been shielding his backpack and picking his way through the puddles when he suddenly rolled his ankle. When he realized what had happened, his foot had already plunged into a pit with a small section of wet cement and he had fallen flat on his back.

That street was notorious for its potholes. On a drier day, it was still walkable with the sidewalk visible, but the rain made it impossible to see the surface. 

His ankle was starting to throb from the fall. He had bruised his side too.

It had been many years since he had last tripped while walking. The last time he had fallen was when he and She Xiao had gone skiing together. Maybe the fall had knocked a few brain cells loose but Lin Xigu wasn’t in any hurry to get up. He wanted just to lay there for a while, overtaken by the desire to let his mind relax and wander. He recalled that kiss in the snow; he still didn’t know if that had been real or just a dream. 

The night was beautiful.

Lin Xigu heard someone run over, panting as they asked, “What did you break?”

The sound of rain washed down around him. Lin Xigu thought he might have been hallucinating again.

He squinted up at the person beside him. It was She Xiao.

“Ah…” Lin Xigu opened his mouth to speak. A few raindrops fell into his throat, so he shut it again.

“Where does it hurt?” She Xiao felt his leg, then looked at him, frowning. “You can’t get up?”

The rain was falling on his face in such a way that he couldn’t open his eyes fully. He could only squint. The boy in front of him was stunning even when completely drenched. 

She Xiao’s expression was dark. “Speak,” he ordered gruffly.

Lin Xigu recovered some of his senses and he shook his head hastily. “Nothing’s broken! I’m fine!”

She Xiao looked at him but didn’t bother asking anything else. He shrugged off his backpack and tossed it aside before crouching down with his back to Lin Xigu, beckoning. “Come here.”

Lin Xigu was stunned. After the initial shock passed, his heart overflowed with the joy and surprise of seeing She Xiao. He sat up and opened his mouth. He had wanted to refuse the offer but he wanted more than anything to be closer to him…

He blinked and slowly stretched out his hand, setting it on She Xiao’s shoulder.

She Xiao slowly plodded homeward, carrying Lin Xigu on his back. Lin Xigu shamelessly buried his face in She Xiao’s neck. There really was nothing wrong with him. It had hurt a little when he had first rolled his ankle, but he couldn’t feel it at all anymore. He knew that he should probably climb down and walk himself home but he was afraid that he wouldn’t get another opportunity to be this close to She Xiao.

Taking advantage of the fact that the downpour splattering on their skin made any kind of touch impossible to discern, Lin Xigu pressed his lips softly to She Xiao’s neck. 

The blush quickly spread across his face.

Lin Xigu, you’re a piece of work. You’re pretending to be some kind of damsel in distress just to get a piggyback ride from She Xiao, and now you’re sneaking kisses too? You’ve really outdone yourself this time.

She Xiao carried him all the way to his door.

Lin Xigu climbed down, feeling extremely self-conscious. “I must have been heavy…”

She Xiao said nothing and looked down at his ankle.

”Ah, I’m okay!” Lin Xigu stomped the ground a few times with his bad foot and laughed dryly. “It hurts a little but it’s not serious. Thank you for bringing me back. I guess I’ve completely embarrassed myself…”

Lin Xigu hunted up his keys and opened the door. She Xiao had just pressed the down button for the elevator when Lin Xigu grasped his arm with a firm grip.

The two of them were soaked to the skin. She Xiao’s hair and clothes were dripping wet.

Lin Xigu tugged him into his apartment and closed the door. Standing in the entryway, She Xiao looked down to see a familiar pair of slippers. 

“You can’t leave yet when it’s still pouring outside. You should at least wait until it lets up a bit…” Lin Xigu’s bravado was starting to slip once he had dragged She Xiao inside, but the fact that She Xiao had carried him the whole way home gave him back some of his confidence. He changed out of his shoes, then bent down and set She Xiao’s slippers in front of him. “Wait a while before you go. We’ll drink some warm milk first, okay?”

Lin Xigu didn’t want to waste time showering. He changed into a set of dry clothes, then found a spare t-shirt and shorts for She Xiao. “Your clothes are sopping. You should change out of them. Wear mine for now… they’re all clean. Here, take it…”

She Xiao glanced at him and accepted the clothes.

Lin Xigu ran to the bathroom and brought him a bath towel as well. “Dry off with this first. It doesn’t feel good to be wet. The towel’s new!” He added hastily. “I haven’t used it before, don’t worry!”

She Xiao took the towel too and began to dry his hair. Lin Xigu ran into the kitchen to warm up the milk. 

He hadn’t bothered to dry his own hair and it was still dripping water when he carried the mugs out. She Xiao had just put on the shirt and was pulling it over himself. 

When he heard Lin Xigu approaching, he whipped around, his eyes guarded and anxious.  

Lin Xigu froze on the spot, staring at She Xiao with wide eyes. He couldn’t speak. 

Seeing Lin Xigu’s expression, She Xiao’s lips thinned and he picked up his backpack to leave.

Lin Xigu slammed the mug down and ran over, seizing a fistful of She Xiao’s shirt, and refused to let go. His knuckles turned white with the effort of pulling him back. The shirt stretched under his grasp and the hem wrinkled together, revealing a section of She Xiao’s waist. 

She Xiao’s skin was ivory smooth, so his waist should have been equally beautiful. It had certainly been beautiful in all of Lin Xigu’s dreams and late night fantasies.

But what he saw was gruesome and unsightly. Layer upon layer of scar tissue had formed on its surface, accumulated over the years until it was no longer possible to discern its original texture — until it no longer looked like skin.

It was ugly and monstrous. 

Lin Xigu couldn’t speak. All of his nerve endings were on fire. He didn’t know how to vent the rage inside of him. He didn’t know what to say to make the hurt ease.

She Xiao turned, his eyes deadlocked on Lin Xigu. 

“You’re good to me,” he said calmly.

Lin Xigu lifted his head to look at him.

She Xiao looked into Lin Xigu’s bloodshot eyes and continued, “You cling.”

He reached behind him and prised Lin Xigu’s fingers off his shirt. His speech was as slow as always but Lin Xigu could detect the shards of ice embedded in his words.

The intensity of his gaze crucified Lin Xigu to the wall. She Xiao gripped the bottom of the shirt and tugged it over his head.

Even though he had been mentally prepared, Lin Xigu couldn’t help but suck in a sharp breath at the sight of She Xiao’s body. A low cry squeaked from his mouth, like the yelp of a small animal frightened by a beast.

She Xiao turned in a slow circle, showing Lin Xigu every last inch of his disfigured body. At last, he opened his mouth and his voice was rough and cold —

“Are you scared yet?” 

He gave Lin Xigu one last piercing look, still holding Lin Xigu’s shirt in his hands, and walked out the door. 

Lin Xigu was already dumbstruck with fear.