Chapter 89 Pain

Chongyu flew to Tantai Jin and whispered, “I want to discuss something with you.”

“Speak.”

“Don’t tell anyone that I’m a divine artifact. If you let it out, plenty of people will come and fight over me.” On that topic, in the midst of its complacency, Chongyu deliberately added a hint of fake melancholy, “Of course, in exchange, I won’t tell anyone about you having the God Slaying Crossbow. How’s that?”

Tantai Jin coldly tugged the corners of his mouth, “Alright.”

“In the future, don’t use the God Slaying Crossbow anymore. Unlike me, it’s not a good thing. If you lose control of your mind, you’ll fall into the path of the devil.” Chongyu advised in its childish voice.

They walked back into the valley.

“This is the place where Goddess Chu Huang used to live, and for all these years, Master’s divine sense has remained lingering here,” Chongyu explained.

As soon as Su Su went in, she felt a gentle breeze brushing her face.

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Just like Chongyu said, she grew up very fast.

At this rate, in ten days or so, once Su Su finished nurturing her soul, they would be able to leave the Thousand Years Picture Scroll.

Tantai Jin still didn’t know how he should act towards her.

It should have been a sharp confrontation, filled with strong love and hate, but Su Su fell into the Land of Wangs projected by the Past Mirror and temporarily lost her memory.

He was left as the only one who remembered their past, and didn’t know where to place himself.

When Su Su and Chongyu were playing, he watched them from afar, not participating or speaking to her. His gaze was deep and cold, and seemed pensive.

Even he himself couldn’t discern whether he was more preoccupied with those happy memories from five hundred years ago or the Soul Extinguishing Nails that were nailed inside his heart, hurting day and night.

After seeing Tantai Jin use the God Slaying Crossbow, Su Su was a little afraid of him, and would no longer actively go to his side.

Sometimes, Tantai Jin would disappear, but Chongyu told her that over the past few days, there had been demon wangs running in, and he had silently killed all of them.

Su Su finally understood that he was protecting them.

One night, when the bright moon hung high in the sky, she ran to his side. Su Su was already taller than his waist, looking like a fourteen or fifteen-year-old. She looked up and asked, “Why do you often look at me?”

“I’m not” His eyes were lowered, looking gloomy and impatient. “You think too highly of yourself.”

Su Su put her hands behind her back and said seriously, “Alright then, Chongyu said that we can leave in a few days, so I want to discuss it with you.”

“Discuss what?” Tantai Jin asked.

The young girl’s eyes curved into a smile, but she quickly became serious again, “Discuss how I should protect you as promised. You can’t use the God Slaying Crossbow anymore. That thing is very dangerous. Once you use it, I won’t be able to protect you, as I can’t fight that many people.”

Tantai Jin raised his eyes.

“Also, do you have a home? Where should I look for you if you go back home?” Su Su asked.

“I don’t have one,” Tantai Jin replied.

Su Su thought for a moment, unsure if she even had a home, so she smiled and said, “I learned an immortal technique from Chongyu, it’s called Trailing Seal. I’ll draw one on your palm and one on mine. That way, even if we go out and get separated, I’ll still be able to find you and bring you home.”

After she spoke, she pulled his hand over and drew a complex incantation seal on it.

The incantation seal flashed gold, then disappeared into Tantai Jin’s skin. He looked at the seal and suddenly felt a dull ache in his heart.

“You’ve been learning this for the past few days?”

The young girl nodded seriously.

Through the clear and bright moonlight of the valley, all those painful memories of the past seemed to scatter in the wind. Her eyes showed no hatred, just like the first time she’d run into his arms. 

It was only a split-second impulse, but the moment he came to his senses, he’d already hugged her into his arms. He finally said something he’d always hesitated to say over the past five hundred years. He hoarsely asked, “Can we… start over again?”

It’s not hate, it’s love.

It’s eternal love. It’s the sense of unwillingness to accept what I couldn’t obtain. All for the only person in the world who could make me suffer¹柔肠百结 (róuchángbǎijié) – suffer various sorrow like this.

Tantai Jin hugged her tightly. Smelling the fragrance of broad-leaved epiphyllum on her body, his heart was left soft and sour.

For the first time, he realized how useless he always was in front of her. All she had to do was show him a little kindness, and he would return to her side again, regardless of everything.

One smile of hers was actually able to slowly heal the scars he had carried for so many years.

He forgot about the pain from the Soul Extinguishing Nails, and no longer thought about why she’d appeared by his side five hundred years ago.

All he wanted…… was to start over again.

This time, there was no Xiao Lin or Ye Bing Shang, no heroic Ye family members, and no national enmity or family hatred.

Can you, always look at me with such a soft gaze?

The young man’s embrace had a refreshing pine tree scent. Su Su’s eyes reflected the bright moon. She was very close to him, and the person who had been watching her from a distance finally revealed a look of vulnerability.

She didn’t know the sorrow in his heart, nor understood how much determination it had taken for him to speak words that he considered shameful.

A person who had always been vindictive²睚眦必报 (yázì-bìbào) – lit. to seek revenge over a dirty look (idiom); fig. small-minded would actually one day say— Can we forget everything and start again?

At that moment, she assumed that it was just a reconciliation after a falling out between friends, so she answered him crisply, “Alright, let’s start over.”

The young man hugged her tightly, and she could feel hot drops of water falling onto her neck.

“Don’t look up,” he whispered into her ear, the rims of his eyes red.

The moonlight in the valley was as gentle as water, and the stream was flowing slowly.

Even a person who was ignorant of the world could directly feel his love and hate. Su Su knew that this person loved her.

She reached out and gently hugged his waist.

*****

Chongyu immediately noticed that there was something different between them. As a protective divine artifact that was forged out of love, it had quite some experience with that emotion.

Most obviously, that young man’s gloomy and indifferent gaze had become warm. When the morning dew was still hanging on the branches, he took out a few immortal herbs from his Qiankun pouch and made them into sugar pills³ A pill that’s sweet for children to take in the kitchen.

 Chongyu watched his skillful movements in shock.

It had lived so long, but it just learned that immortal herbs could be made into sugar pills, which didn’t even look half bad.

“Are these…… Fu⁴伏 (fú) – to lean over; to fall (go down); to hide (in ambush); to conceal oneself; to lie low; hottest days of summer; to submit; to concede defeat; to overcome; to subdue; volt xiang⁵香 (xiāng) – fragrant; sweet-smelling; aromatic Herb, Soul Protecting Flower, and Indestructible Buddha Fruit?”

“Mmm,” Tantai Jin replied.

As Chongyu identified them one by one, it realized that they were all immortal herbs obtained at the cost of risking lives⁶九死一生 (jiǔsǐ-yīshēng) – nine deaths and still alive (idiom); a narrow escape; survive after many hazards; escape by the skin of one’s teeth; a new lease of life.

And now all of them were made into colorful sugar pills.

Chongyu naturally recognized the treasures of the secret realm. Unfortunately, Master was no longer around, so whoever got their hands on these things was just considered lucky.

“You know how to cook?”

“I know a little bit of everything,” Tantai Jin said casually⁷轻描淡写 (qīngmiáo-dànxiě) – (idiom) to treat sth as no big deal; to downplay; to understate; touch on lightly.

When he was hungry as a child in the imperial palace of the Zhou Kingdom, all he could do was rummage through a swallow’s nest. When he was still too small, he had to eat it raw, but once he was old enough to run, the first thing he did was learn how to cook.

When his clothes were torn with no one to mend them, he learned embroidery from the palace maids. Later, he was secretly ridiculed for a long time because of it.

It took him a long time to realize that few men in the world knew these things, and even grown men of poor families wouldn’t embroider like women, let alone a prince.

But he couldn’t feel shame and never figured out what they were actually laughing at.

Too many people wanted him dead, and everything he did was just to stay alive.

When the sun rose that day, besides the spirit fruits normally left by her father, Su Su also discovered several sugar pills by her pillow.

The sugar pills were tasty, so she munched on them and ran out.

By chance, she met Tantai Jin walking in with a wooden sword on his back.

For the first time ever, she saw him dressed in white, and Su Su’s eyes lit up.

He looked cold and solemn when he wore black clothes, and carried a hint of aloof⁸不近人情 (bùjìn-rénqíng) – an idiom; not normal human nature; not amenable to reason; unreasonable indifference. So Su Su never thought that he would look so good in white.

The young man stood tall and graceful, like the bright moon above the branches, unparalleled in the world.

His indifference was diluted, so at this moment, he looked like a clean and fresh cultivator.

This was also Tantai Jin’s first time wearing white clothes. Even after joining the Xiaoyao Sect, he still kept his former habit of wearing dark-colored clothing.

But this morning, the konghou suggested that he wear white, as it was the conventional color of the cultivation realm. After all, white had been considered the embodiment of immaculate and unblemished purity⁹一尘不染 (yīchén-bùrǎn) – untainted by even a speck of dust (idiom); selfless and incorruptible; spotless; be pure-minded; maintain one’s pure character throughout the ages.

Tantai Jin ignored Chongyu.

“Give it a try, Su Su will like it. You wear black clothes all the time, so those that don’t know you would assume that you’re a ghost cultivator who never changes your clothes,” Chongyu continued persuading.

Tantai Jin looked outwardly indifferent, but he actually felt a little uneasy inside, and couldn’t help but observe the young girl’s reaction.

He was ready to change out of this flashy and impractical color as soon as she frowned. But the young girl ran to his side, her eyes shining like stars. Her character was already bold and resolute, so she was generous with her praise.

“Tantai Jin, you’re so good-looking!”

His pursed lips curved slightly upwards.

As the day of departure was approaching, Chongyu transformed into a small and exquisite blue konghou pendant to hang around Su Su’s neck.

“The departure time will coincide with the closing of the Cangyuan Secret Realm. I’ll send you out of the Thousand Miles Picture Scroll, and at that moment, you’ll also need to leave the Cangyuan Secret Realm. This is great! I, Chongyu, can finally get out!” Its tone was lively.

It had endless longing for the outside world. Su Su was affected by its emotions, so she was also quite happy.

The smile in Tantai Jin’s eyes faded a little.

Remembering something, Chongyu said to Tantai Jin, “Don’t forget your promise!”

They had sworn to each other’s inner demons that they couldn’t mention anything that had happened in the Thousand Miles Picture Scroll. Whether about Tantai Jin’s God Slaying Crossbow or the origin of Chongyu, both of them should hold their tongues.

This was also the wish of Chongyu’s Master. The ancient Demon King hoped that his daughter, who was born with a pure immortal body, would have a brand new and beautiful life, without being confined by the grudges of the previous generation.

Su Su had almost reached her adult appearance.

The picture scroll in front of him gradually faded, and Tantai Jin suddenly panicked a little. When Su Su and Chongyu were laughing together, he abruptly held her hand.

“I won’t lose you, right?”

Su Su held his hand in return and nodded, “Chongyu said that I’ll be very powerful when I get out, I’ll protect you well!” Over the past few days, when the demon wangs invaded, it had been Tantai Jin protecting her and Chongyu. Even if just as repayment¹⁰知恩图报 (zhī ēn tú bào) – remember the gratitude and try to repay it, she still had to protect him.

His eyes held the hint of a smile, “Alright, I believe you.”

Before the picture scroll faded completely, Tantai Jin suddenly whispered, “Su Su.”

“Hmm?”

“Five hundred years ago, I’m sorry.” His voice was deep and hoarse, “Also, I don’t hate you, I……”

Before he could finish his words, the scene in front of them suddenly flared bright, and both of them left the Cangyuan Secret Realm.

Chongyu Harp flashed, and Su Su opened her eyes.

Her soul had been stabilized, and the Heartless Dao in her spiritual core was shining. As the Thousand Miles Picture Scroll was destroyed, all her memories in it were gone. 

She paused for a moment, and then angrily looked at the young man in white in front of her.

The last memory she had was this person injuring her Junior Brother and causing her to fall down the steep cliff.

Many people gathered ’round, “Su Su.”

“Immortal Li, are you alright……”

Su Su launched a palm strike laced with inexhaustible karmic fire at Tantai Jin, hitting the young man’s shoulder.

As he gazed at her with his pitch-black eyes, the smile in them gradually disappeared, but for some reason, he didn’t dodge.

Tantai Jin fell to the ground, blood flowing down from the corner of his mouth.

Zang Hai ran over in shock and hurriedly helped him, “Junior Brother, are you alright?”

Tantai Jin clenched his fist. Blood dripped to the ground, and the Trailing Seal on his palm was burning hot. He didn’t know who kept repeating the words in his ears— let’s start over again; when I grow up, I’ll protect you well.

How can I be alright? Senior Brother, my heart aches so badly that it’s killing me.

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Edited by: Gaze