Chapter 1.1

“Let’s get a divorce.”

My fingers hovered over the send button for a long time.

Who would have thought that it took me a day to go from being staunchly against marriage to actually getting married, only to now be getting a divorce before even reaching our first anniversary?

People are just so fickle.

1.

I, Jing Ge, 33 years old, had officially left my noble status behind and entered the ranks of the married.

Originally, I was a firm believer in not getting married, but love came too quickly, like a tornado… Ahem, just kidding.

It all started on that day when I was sitting in a mediocre café, lost in thought, when the conversation between a couple sitting behind me caught my ear and forced me to become a bystander.

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“Rp kv kd y tsse pnbssz ekpvaknv?”

“Ls, kv’p dsv.”

“Ebld yal usw rzyddkdt sd cwukdt y nya?”

“R’x dsv rzyddkdt sd kv.”

“Ebld es usw rzyd sd byhkdt nbkzeald? Xdl sa vos?”

“R byhld’v xyel ydu rzydp.”

…

Mbl osxyd oyp nzlyazu tlvvkdt ydtau, “Zsw byhld’v vbswtbv yduvbkdt vbaswtb. Fs, vseyu usw pyke usw nyxl vs vbl czkde eyvl okvb vbl rwarspl sq xyaakytl?”

“My purpose is marriage. Two people are together because of a legally protected contract, that’s all.”

“Well, I wish you find someone who is willing to marry you soon.”

A gust of wind passed by me, carrying a strong scent of perfume. It smelled nice, but if you smelled it for too long, it was a bit stuffy.

Seeing the woman leave without looking back, I suddenly wanted to meet the man behind me. I seemed to vaguely grasp some ambiguous words.

I stood up and pretended to lower my head to tidy up my bag. My eyes, partially hidden by my hair, occasionally stole glances.

If someone looked good, we would talk. If not, bye-bye.

Tsk, that’s because I’m a superficial person.

But no matter how you look at it, this is an undeniably handsome guy.

My social skills immediately kicked in.

I smiled with the appropriate degree of curvature and sat directly opposite him. He only glanced at me once, not too surprised, as if he was waiting for me to explain my intentions.

“Hello, I think we can continue your previous conversation.”

Next, I successfully obtained his identity information.

Duan Yi, the same age as me, graduated from the undergraduate program of C University, has a house in the city center, currently working in a well-known company, with an annual salary of several hundred thousand.

This person perfectly meets all my requirements. His family background, education level, and appearance are all almost the same as mine, and we will manage to get along well with no differences.

Of course, these are just icing on the cake. What really makes me fall for him is his marriage concept, which is basically a legally recognized cohabitation, or a narrow definition of marriage.

He took out a draft contract that he had prepared a long time ago. None of the previous dates he went on made it to this step and were all scared away by his astonishing words.

Article 1: Although both parties are named as husband and wife, they do not have to act as a real couple.

Article 2: Both parties must abide by the basic moral standards and be loyal to their partner during the valid period of the marriage.

…

Article 51: Try to keep quiet indoors when the other party is working.

Article 52: When either party needs to deal with family, relatives, or friends, the other party should actively cooperate.

…

Article 99: The two parties must maintain the marriage relationship until one or both parties die.

The last article was even bolded in large letters.

“If you have any questions or suggestions regarding any of the terms in the contract, feel free to communicate and add to it.”

I read through it line by line, from household chores to property division. The more I read, the more satisfied I became, and I gave him a thumbs-up. “Very rigorous!”

“Okay, I’ll add my name to the contract and then sign it formally.”

“But,” I handed the contract back to him and looked at him with a puzzled expression, “what if we meet ‘true love’ during this time?”

He was momentarily speechless, then replied frankly, “I haven’t considered that because this assumption is impossible.”

“Impossible…”

I repeated his words, tapping my index finger lightly on the wooden table. The black coffee in the white porcelain cup had cooled down, and the bright light music stretched my nerves.

“Nothing is impossible in theory, even if its probability is only one in ten million. Even if its impossibility reaches one at the moment, it is difficult to say that it will not be completely overturned in the future.”

“In theory, yes, but emotions belong to the subjective category and are not uncontrollable forces.”

Duan Yi spoke decisively, his face showing confident composure.

“I only plan to get married once in my life, and I hope my partner will be someone I can spend my whole life with,” he continued, with sweet words that sounded like promises of eternal love. 

However, both parties knew that there was no real emotion involved, only a business partnership.

His attitude was what made me decide to get married. Being able to control his emotions meant there would be fewer complicated disputes, making things simpler for both of us.

After confirming each other’s identities and ruling out the possibility of fraud, we received our marriage certificate shortly thereafter.

Smiling, I said to him, “Please take care of me from now on, my husband.”

He seemed to pause for a moment upon hearing the word “husband,” showing no clear signs of emotion, but still accepted my words.

“Okay.”

2.

The housing prices in Rongcheng are within our affordable range, so we each paid half of the funds to purchase a house and completed the decoration and furniture in one go.

Due to the pandemic, it was a bit troublesome to hold a wedding ceremony, but it suited my taste and saved time and effort. We just had an online ceremony and that was it.

During the construction of the new house, we each went back to our own homes and discussed everything via WeChat. We got along pretty well, and he quickly understood my ideas, while I would seriously consider his opinions.

As both of us were still adapting and testing each other’s bottom line, we tried to find a balance and make ourselves comfortable in the future.

I changed all the notes about him to “husband” to make it official and always remind myself that I am now a married woman!

However, I didn’t expect that on the first day of legal cohabitation, I would see my mature and serious husband jumping around in the living room.

What is this… morning exercise?

I leaned against the door, stretched lazily, and looked at him blankly.

Due to my nearsightedness, I could only see a blurry figure moving around, leaving a trail behind. I squinted and saw the panic on his face for a second.

“What’s wrong?”

I was a bit confused, wondering if there was a ghost chasing us from behind? In fact, my husband has had a pair of unknown yin-yang eyes since he was a child and has grown up in all kinds of strange and bizarre things. A fortune teller said he had to get married…

Hahaha!

Inspiration for my next novel, yay!

My imagination was suddenly sparked, but he stuttered and brought me back to reality with his words,

“c*ckroach, c*ckroach, c*ckroach!!!”

“!”

I was greatly shocked, and without hesitation, I immediately retreated to my own room. His trembling voice revealed a hint of despair.

Husband and wife are birds of the same forest, facing adversity, each flies its own way.

What a joke!

Am I that kind of person?!

I grabbed my glasses from the bedside table, put them on, and rushed out of the room. I accurately located the hiding place of the c*ckroach and covered it with a paper cup, tightly sealing it.

I calmly instructed Duan Yi, who was curled up on the sofa, to tear me a piece of paper. He handed it over, still trembling.

After folding the cup’s opening, I lifted the cup and looked at him with a smile.

When Duan Yi’s gaze fell on my hand, it shook violently for a few moments, his eyes filled with suspicion and uncertainty.

“Excuse me, sir, how do you plan to dispose of it?” I asked him.

He swallowed and said, “Throw it away, far away.”

After I had taken care of it, he still couldn’t help glancing at me, repeatedly making sure that the c*ckroach had been completely eliminated, before avoiding eye contact and attempting to escape my gaze.

Oh well, everyone has something they’re afraid of, and I won’t make fun of him for it.

After quickly making two sandwiches and hot milk, we ate quietly, and then Duan Yi went to work while I stayed home and wrote. It was just like life before we got married.

I am a full-time author, having survived the crazy period of struggling to make ends meet, and now I write whatever I want.

I’ve written formulaic romance novels, dark romantic fantasies, terrifying stories from my dreams, and even polished some unpopular abstract pieces…

I am not a loyal person, always relying on a fleeting moment of passion to sustain me, both in writing and in real life. So, naturally, I impulsively got married, didn’t I?

We make our own paths in life, and there’s no need for regret. It’s like those embarrassing moments from school, although they make us want to pack up and leave the planet, we can still tolerate our stupid selves from back then. Of course, there’s a sense of “it’s easier said than done” here – experiences are in the past, even if it’s the same person, they cannot fully empathize with their past selves.

Even if I am anxious on the last night of the holiday while rushing to finish my assignment, I will only laugh it off afterwards. The present tense is the most terrifying time, more so than the heavy past tense and the uncertain future tense, even if I’m just simply munching on an apple.

Scrolling through my dad’s travelogue on his social media and giving it a like has become habitual for me. My brain hasn’t even caught up yet and my fingers have already hit the like button. Luckily, my social circle is small.

I don’t feel like considering whether this behavior is due to external influences or my own deep-rooted tendencies. What’s the point of delving too deeply into it?

I convinced my parents to go out for a trip, taking into consideration that the news of my marriage might be difficult for them to accept. It should have eased the situation a bit.

Whenever I mentioned my idea of being single for life, I would make a psychological presumption for them. They are very open-minded, saying that everything is up to me, as long as I don’t end up as a beggar.

But every time, I feel like my mom’s gaze carries a hint of “I’m still too young” meaning. She often quotes Shaw’s famous saying –

“If you want to marry, marry. If you want to remain single, remain single. Either way, you’ll regret it.”

I’m joking, I, Jing Ge, definitely won’t regret it!

In my current state, I can have both singlehood and marriage.

Tsk, I am such a clever little devil.