Chapter 2

4

When Lu Jing first brought Lin Yu home, He Yusen was making soup for Lu Jing. He liked to boil the bones until they were soft, so he would spend a long time cooking the soup.  

He was wearing an apron. There was even a smile on his face when he heard someone open the door. He knew that Lu Jing had come home.

“The soup is almost ready…”

His words stopped abruptly. He Yusen stared at the pale teenager who was walking behind Lu Jing and was at a loss for words for a moment. 

“What are you standing here for? Aren’t you supposed to be making soup?” said Lu Jing as he casually took off his coat and hung it on the coat rack. He was completely oblivious to He Yusen’s expression. “Oh, yes. I’ll introduce him to you.”

“This is Lin Yu.”

He didn’t introduce He Yusen nor did he tell He Yusen about Lin Yu’s identity. Lu Jing just said his words perfunctorily as if he was making a casual remark. However, He Yusen could already guess the identity of the other person from the intimate interactions between him and Lin Yu.

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Eyp Nkd Zw bkp zshla?

Mbld…obyv ycswv bkx?

Ebld Tl Zwpld nyxl swv sq vbl jkvnbld okvb ds lmralppksd, bl nskdnkeldvyzzu pyo Nkd Zw zlydkdt sd Nw Kkdt’p pbswzela obkzl Nw Kkdt oyp rzyukdt sd bkp rbsdl. Ohld yqvla blyakdt Tl Zwpld’p pvlrp, Nw Kkdt eked’v lhld aykpl bkp blye. “R saelale y qlo vyjlyoyup. Mblal xktbv dsv cl ldswtb qsse qsa vball rlsrzl vs lyv.”

Tl Zwpld zkpvldle vs Nw Kkdt’p osaep kd y eygl. Gv vbyv xsxldv, Nkd Zw byrrldle vs zssj wr yde xlv bkp tygl. Tl vbld ypjle rszkvlzu, “R’x y zkvvzl vbkapvu. Uyd usw blzr xl rswa y tzypp sq oyvla?”

Nkd Zw alyzzu vbswtbv bl oyp y bswpljllrla.&dcpr;

Tl Zwpld blpkvyvle qsa y xsxldv, cwv vbld bl xlv Nw Kkdt’p tygl. Ebld bl pyo vbyv Nw Kkdt eked’v rzyd sd alprsdekdt, bl ydpolale psqvzu, “R’zz ts rswa usw y tzypp sq oyvla.”

Gqvla bl nyxl cynj okvb vbl tzypp sq oyvla yde bydele kv vs Nkd Zw, Tl Zwpld pweeldzu qlzv y vktbvdlpp kd bkp nblpv yde qlzv zkjl bl nswzed’v calyvbl. Mbwp, bl oldv vs bkel kd bkp assx yde eaydj y cwdnb sq rkzzp. Gp bl qkdyzzu altykdle bkp nsxrspwal, bl alyzkgle vbyv ds sdl nyxl vs nblnj sd bkx.&dcpr;

Tl oldv kdvs y eygl ytykd.

Indeed, his last wish was to see Lu Jing. 

But he had never thought things would end up in this way.

He didn’t think that he could really meet Lu Jing, nor did he think that Lu Jing would bring back Lin Yu.  He didn’t expect any of the things that happened afterwards.

Lu Jing…Lu Jing.

This name which he carved on his heart acted as the silent invisible medicine for him every time he was in pain while he was sick.

Unexpectedly, it actually became the last weapon that would kill him. 

5

He Yusen didn’t go to eat dinner. Naturally, Lu Jing didn’t care. He just thought He Yusen was jealous and throwing a tantrum. It wasn’t until he returned from dropping off Lin Yu that he went to knock on He Yusen’s door. 

“Open the door.” He Yusen heard Lu Jing’s voice, and it seemed like he was in a good mood. Maybe it was because he had a new lover?

When He Yusen opened the door, Lu Jing was leaning against the wall. He looked at He Yusen as if he didn’t want to miss any of the expressions on He Yusen’s face.

“Lu…Lu-ge.” Seeing that Lu Jing didn’t have any intention to speak, He Yusen took the initiative to confirm his suspicion. “That person just now…is that your…”

“I met him recently. He’s a college student,” said Lu Jing lightly. “What, are you jealous?”

He Yusen was stunned for a moment. 

“Then I…” He cautiously said, “Then, what about you and me…”

Was he jealous? Lu Jing must have misunderstood his question and wanted to remind him that it’s his fault of throwing away their love first. He Yusen knew that he didn’t have any qualifications to be jealous. He just…He was just upset.

So he wanted to ask for clarification. 

Lu Jing smiled mischievously. “He Yusen, have you noticed it?”

“Huh?” He Yusen froze.

“Doesn’t Lin Yu look like the younger version of you?” Lu Jing looked up and down, and thought for a moment before he spoke again. “Maybe even better than the old you. There are so many people around who can replace you. Don’t tell me that you really think it has to be you?”

He Yusen suddenly became speechless and even thought that he was hallucinating for a moment. 

Lu Jing said, “You’re one year younger than me, and you keep on calling me ge. But, shouldn’t you take a better look at yourself in the mirror? You already look much older than me.” 

He Yusen felt dumbstruck. He never thought that Lu Jing had disliked him to this extent. He opened his mouth to say something, but his tears flowed down first. 

When he felt the wetness on his cheeks, he began to panic again. He was afraid that Lu Jing would hurt him with more harsher words. However, this time, Lu Jing seemed to be stunned for a moment. Nonetheless, after that, he just frowned, closed the door, and left.

It was as if he was some kind of a beast and that his presence should be avoided. 

After Lu Jing left, his tears became more uncontrollable. He Yusen covered his eyes and slowly sat down on the bed.

In fact, He Yusen felt that he was already a very optimistic person after knowing about his coming death.

He just didn’t expect that it wasn’t the bad news of his looming death that knock him down. Rather, it would be someone who was the most important to him, killing him over and over again; the person, who repeatedly brought him pain, would be Lu Jing. 

6

But what Lu Jing said was right.

He looked old even though he was a year younger than Lu Jing.

Due to his low appetite and lying on the hospital bed for many years, his body was thin and pale—like a plant that had lost its moisture and dried up. Moreover, there were many fine lines around the corners of his eyes.

Lu Jing was only in his thirties. He was disciplined and healthy, and he exercised regularly and maintained good living habits. If they stood together, they would surely look incompatible. 

Lin Yu was indeed more suitable.

Before Lin Yu appeared, He Yusen thought that Lu Jing was in love with him. 

But it seemed like this was actually his delusion.

7

Lu Jing would often bring back Lin Yu. And Lin Yu thought He Yusen was just a housekeeper. They would not even shy away from making out in front of He Yusen.

When He Yusen saw that his health was getting worse, he took more pills than usual at the same time. He knew that he couldn’t go on like this.

For the first time, he requested Lu Jing to let him leave.

On that day, Lin Yu had just left, and Lu Jing was handling some official business. Lu Jing just snorted coldly when he heard him say this. 

“You can leave, but what do you want?”

He Yusen froze and said that he didn’t want anything else.

Lu Jing sneered. “I’ve seen this drama a lot. You want to manipulate me by leaving, do you think I’d keep you?”

“Well, since you’ve been with me for so many months, I’ll give you that house in Jingshen Garden.” He said, and then he frowned again. “I’ll have someone send you there tomorrow. Don’t be greedy anymore.”

He Yusen truly didn’t want anything. He just wanted some space and peace.  

He didn’t have much time left in his life. The last thing he ever wanted was to see Lu Jing, and now it had been accomplished.

Only, Lu Jing didn’t believe it.

Lu Jing’s tone had a hint of mockery which made him unable to say anything. But he stubbornly stood still and didn’t move.

“What?” Lu Jing looked up at him.

“Lu-ge, I don’t want…” 

Before he could finish his words, Lu Jing had already interrupted him coldly. 

“Trying to draw a clear line with me at this time? Don’t forget that you owe me this, He Yusen.”

“You’ll take what I’ll give to you.”

8

Sometimes, He Yusen wondered what he was to Lu-ge. 

He wasn’t a lover.

Was he…an enemy?

If Lu Jing knew everything, would Lu Jing forgive him?

But what was the use of it? He might stop breathing tomorrow, and he couldn’t bear to make Lu-ge sad. 

Or perhaps, Lu Jing wouldn’t be sad.

After all, Lu Jing already had Lin Yu. If Lu Jing knew that He Yusen was dead, he might just say “Oh, he’s dead” indifferently. 

As he thought about it this way, he realized that no one wanted to know about the suffering and pain he had gone through along the way. People yearned for happiness and good things in their lives. They might temporarily sympathize with others’ sufferings occasionally, but rather than bringing sadness to others, it was better to be silent.

So, he’d just leave it like this… Lu-ge.