Chapter 48

Lin Xigu had never experienced anything like this before. He felt like he was walking on air every day, with his first waking thought being the anticipation of seeing She Xiao again.

Even the air smelled sweeter.

Or, as Li Balei liked to put it, he had hearts oozing out of his pores; it was sickening.

That evening, school had just let out. Under the cover of darkness, Lin Xigu slowly reached out and grabbed She Xiao’s hand. She Xiao immediately clasped his fingers and gently squeezed them.

No one could see Lin Xigu’s blushing face in the dark.

She Xiao’s hand was cool, but comforting to the touch.

Lin Xigu cleared his throat, feeling nervous about holding hands with She Xiao on the street. However, his feeling of bliss won out and it did not dissipate for a long time afterwards. “She Xiao?”

She Xiao rubbed Lin Xigu’s hand. “Mn?”

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Just as She Xiao was about to shake his head, Lin Xigu grabbed his hand and swung it back and forth. With his wide eyes, he always looked puppy-like whenever he looked at She Xiao with just a hint of pleading. She Xiao’s heart was kneaded into a soft mess by Lin Xigu on the daily; he was impossible to refuse.

So, She Xiao swallowed back the refusal that he had originally intended to voice.

Lin Xigu muttered, “I actually… um, I just want to walk with you a little longer…”

She Xiao was now completely unable to say anything to the contrary.

Lin Xigu got his wish as he followed She Xiao downstairs to the building entrance, although he did let go of She Xiao’s hand once they had entered the complex, wary of being too bold. Lin Xigu kept his word; once they reached She Xiao’s building, he stopped and didn’t insist on going upstairs.

She Xiao ruffled his hair and said, “Go.”

Lin Xigu glanced up at She Xiao’s unit, noticing that the lights were off. He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, waving goodbye to She Xiao. “I’m heading back. I’ll text you when I get home.”

She Xiao replied, “Okay.”

After She Xiao went upstairs, Lin Xigu lingered for a while longer, taking the opportunity to feed the strays. The light in She Xiao’s room came on. Lin Xigu looked up and smiled before he got to his feet and slowly walked away.

---

Lin Xigu was a good child. Now that he was in a relationship, it was not in his character to hide the truth from his mom, and he confessed everything to her during their video call that night.

On the screen, Ji Qiong’s face betrayed a hint of shock. She knew about Lin Xigu’s crush, but she hadn’t expected them to actually end up together. She was instantly filled with worry.

Her son was still too young. How could a child possibly understand anything about love? Kids that age didn’t think about anything; they acted on pure impulse based on their feelings.

By contrast, Lin Xigu wasn’t worried about anything at all. He reassured her, “Mama, you really don’t have to worry about me. I’m doing fine.”

“You’re doing fine now, but I don’t think you’d dare tell me the truth even if you weren’t okay,” she sighed. Being halfway across the globe, she didn’t know what else to say that would be of use at the moment.

“I would definitely tell you, even if things weren’t okay,” Lin Xigu said with a smile, lying on his bed and wondering if he would get the chance to introduce She Xiao to his mother someday.

She Xiao was so outstanding. What parent wouldn’t like him once they had met him…?

Ji Qiong was at a loss for words while Lin Xigu continued to smile like a little fool. After a while, Ji Qiong asked him, “What about his family? What do his parents do for a living, and how do they feel about you two dating?”

Lin Xigu’s smile faded slightly as he replied honestly, “I don’t know.”

Ji Qiong sighed. She had expected as much. At the moment, there were probably very few families in China that would calmly accept their children dating someone of the same sex. Sometimes, the lengths that some parents went to upon flying into hysterics about such matters was terrifying.

Even when the couple in question was straight, there were parents who would throw fits at the school or the other parents’ home after finding out about their child’s high school sweetheart. And that situation wasn’t remotely as serious as something like this. With her son involved, she was genuinely afraid that the other parents might react with the utmost cruelty towards the two children.

“What do his parents do?” She asked again.

Lin Xigu answered slowly. “I really don’t know.”

He remembered what She Xiao’s father had been like the last time they met. He didn’t know how to broach the subject with his mom. The person he liked came from a broken family; he had a psychopath for a father, and his mother was nowhere to be found. Day after day, She Xiao had to deal with the psychopath in his home, and he was sometimes hurt for it.

If he were to reveal all of this, his mom would probably book a plane ticket home straight away.

But what good would it do for her to fly over? She couldn’t stop him from being with She Xiao, and she couldn’t fix all that She Xiao had to face.

Lin Xigu’s only hope was to finish out the school year. Then, he and She Xiao would be able to leave together, getting as far away from that place as possible. 

“What’s going on in my little one’s head?” A mother never fails to notice when her son has something to say but wasn’t saying it. His expression clearly indicated he was holding something back. “Whatever you’re thinking, just say it.”

Lin Xigu shook his head. “There’s really nothing to say, Mama.”

“Yeah, right, if it really is nothing, then I’d be in for a shock,” she paused before saying, “Next month it is then. I’ve decided. I’ll come visit.”

“No!” Lin Xigu didn’t want his mom to go through the hassle of making such a long trip just for something like this. A twelve-hour flight was much too tiresome. “Really, Ma, you don’t have to do that!”

Ji Qiong didn’t insist any further on the video call. There was no point in arguing. But she had to fly back. She couldn’t rest easy until she saw him with her own eyes. Her son was naive and a poor judge of character. He could be sold off to the highest bidder and still worry that his seller hadn’t turned a profit.

After the video call ended, Lin Xigu lay prone on his bed. It was impossible not to worry about how his mom would react once she found out about She Xiao’s family situation. On the one hand, she would surely sympathize with She Xiao.

But Lin Xigu felt that the most likely scenario was that she would disapprove of them being together. No one would feel safe knowing their child was spending all their time with a ticking time bomb. While his mom did regularly indulge his whims, she could still be unwaveringly firm if something that serious were involved.

There was no telling if she would summon his dad for an intervention when the time came.

Lin Xigu’s phone buzzed, and he opened it to see a text from She Xiao.

Goodnight.

Lin Xigu set aside his scattered thoughts and turned over so that he was lying on his stomach. Glancing at the time, he noted that it was just past eleven. So, he typed out a response: 

Not ready for bed yet.

She Xiao asked him:

What do you want to do?

Lin Xigu could almost picture She Xiao’s calm expression as he read the message, his eyes gentle. Lin Xigu bit his lip and replied with a smile: 

I want to talk to you.

She Xiao replied

Okay.

He was that charming.

Lin Xigu flopped over on his back, thoroughly smitten. He remembered how She Xiao had been prickly and withdrawn when they had first met, whereas he now agreed wholeheartedly to everything Lin Xigu said. The transformation and all that happened in-between felt like a dream.

Every night, She Xiao would text him a few times to keep him company, and when it was time to sleep, he would command Lin Xigu to go to bed. If it was past midnight, he would always send a final “goodnight” and then stop replying, no matter what else Lin Xigu sent.

His boyfriend was both assertive and gentle. Lin Xigu was in heaven, sharing the fruit of love with She Xiao in cautious secrecy. He was conflicted, on the one hand wishing that they could freeze time so as to preserve this sweetness of first love forever, and on the other hand hoping for time to pass quickly, for She Xiao to come of age, to be released from his restraints, to break free as soon as possible.

---

The results of the competition She Xiao had participated in were announced. She Xiao was now entitled to apply to Peking University¹Along with Tsinghua, Peking University is one of the top-ranked universities in China and notoriously difficult to get into. The university name is rendered as “B University” in the original text, in reference to 北大 which is the short form for Peking University. According to the Times Higher Education World University Rankings, it’s ranked 14th in the world (Tsinghua is 12th). with a direct gratuity of 30 points on his Gaokao exam, but the offer was limited to a predetermined academic program.

Their school met with She Xiao to seek his opinion and hear his thoughts on the matter.

Lin Xigu also dove in enthusiastically to help She Xiao analyze the pros and cons. In actuality, he did not think that the bonus was necessary. If Peking University is where our She Xiao wants to go, he has a good chance of getting in even without the bonus. The program on offer was, to be frank, quite niche, but it was fine if it was a specialization that She Xiao wanted to pursue. That way, he would be under almost no pressure academically; as long as he didn’t perform too far outside of his usual norm on the Gaokao exam, he would be fine.

“She Xiao, do you want to go?” Lin Xigu asked him.

She Xiao didn’t even lift his head as he answered slowly, “Either is fine.”

“Then let’s not worry about it for now?” Lin Xigu rested his head on his hand as he doodled. After thinking about it for a while longer, he said, “It’s not like we can’t get in on our own²“We” is a nosism, used continuously here in these passages in the sense that Lin Xigu sees himself and She Xiao as a single unit and is expressing an opinion where the thing being discussed may have an impact on the benefit of the whole rather than the individual. It doesn’t mean that he himself intends to apply to Pek U., so why limit ourselves?”

Lin Xigu always glowed with pride whenever he talked about She Xiao’s achievements. In his eyes, She Xiao was the brightest star, more dazzling than all the rest.

She Xiao glanced at him, smiling faintly, and touched his face. “Mn, okay.”

Although Lin Xigu had already grown used to being on the other end of She Xiao’s gentle gaze, he still couldn’t help but blush.

“Anyway, we still have plenty of time. If we accidentally get the top score, well, then we can go wherever we want. It won’t matter if the recruiters admit one student or two when they check the provincial results, they’re still going to pick from the top.” Lin Xigu’s expression was endearing as he spoke, looking as though he was trying hard to balance humility with the desire to brag about his boyfriend.

She Xiao asked him, “If I don’t get the top score… will you be disappointed?”

Lin Xigu blinked, then shook his head vigorously. “No, no, not at all!” 

He rushed to explain, “You can treat the exam like any other, don’t feel pressured! I was just kidding around. Exams being what they are, there are a lot of factors in play.”

Afraid that She Xiao was still hung up about it, Lin Xigu whispered with a smile, “You’ll still be the best. No matter what you get on the exam.”

She Xiao nodded then and smiled faintly without saying a word.

Although the Gaokao exam was nearly a year away, Lin Xigu was already starting to feel nervous. As the new semester began, the exam countdown appeared on the blackboard. Seeing the numbers decreasing every day filled Lin Xigu with an unplaceable sense of sadness.

The future held too many variables, with so many different paths ahead. Which one was the right one to take? And which one promised She Xiao’s company every step of the way?