Chapter 58.1

Xia Shutong knew that Yun Feiwu was fooling her.

Yun Feiwu wasn’t scared, she merely wanted to sleep with her.

When they were children, Yun Feiwu was never afraid of the dark or of sleeping alone. Not to mention now that she’s all grown up, already an adult.

Thinking of this, Xia Shutong felt somewhat relieved. Unconsciously, her Little Maomao had grown into a young lady.

Not just in appearance, but even her figure was completely different from before.

Xia Shutong didn’t know why, but after seeing Yun Feiwu’s bare skin, she felt a bit dry-mouthed and a bit too nervous to keep looking. Even though they had taken so many baths together before, it only took three years…

Xia Shutong was lost in her thoughts for a long time.

However, in Yun Feiwu’s eyes, Xia Shutong wasn’t lost in thought, she was clearly scrutinizing her with an evaluating gaze, making her increasingly scared, increasingly wanting to retreat.

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Xia Shutong stayed in her spot for so long for a simple reason… she was nervous.

Although she couldn’t pinpoint why, she was nervous.

She had a vague feeling that after three years apart, Yun Feiwu’s feelings for her… seemed a bit different from before. This feeling scared her.

Seeing Yun Feiwu retreat under the covers, her fair skin completely hidden, Xia Shutong slowly walked over and sat on the other side of the bed.

The bed was large, with nearly half a meter of space left between the two.

“Shall I turn off the light?” Xia Shutong wasn’t sleepy yet, but she had just spent some time reading materials in bed and listening to an online course with her headphones on. No matter what, she couldn’t focus and kept wanting to glance to her side, so she decided to simply turn off the light and go to sleep early.

“Mmm…” Yun Feiwu was curled up in the blankets, her eyes peeking out timidly at Xia Shutong. Clearly, she wasn’t asleep either.

Xia Shutong sighed inwardly, turned off the light, and crawled into bed.

Her heart still ached faintly.

As soon as the light was turned off, the room plunged into darkness and became too quiet.

Xia Shutong felt like she could hear every breath, every heartbeat from Yun Feiwu, even the rustling sound of her turning over as if it was getting closer and closer.

Not until Yun Feiwu’s trembling hands wrapped around Xia Shutong did she suddenly realize – it wasn’t just a feeling, Yun Feiwu was indeed slowly moving closer to her.

By this time, Yun Feiwu was already behind her, holding her tightly, the warm breath from her breaths was right by Xia Shutong’s ear.

Xia Shutong’s entire body froze.

Her ear was tingling, and her throat became dry, finding herself unable to utter a complete sentence.

“Ruan Ruan…” Just before her mind went blank, she heard Yun Feiwu’s weak voice, “May I… kiss you?”

Xia Shutong found herself unable to refuse, or rather, she simply couldn’t.

Then, her mind went completely blank.

She had no idea what Yun Feiwu said afterward. All she knew was that Yun Feiwu’s voice was soft, her expression timid, yet her actions were far from fragile.

As the night passed, she found herself on the verge of tears.

No, she was already crying, wailing miserably.

Even when she woke up during the day, the sight of Yun Feiwu on the bed caused Xia Shutong to shrink back, squeezing herself towards the edge of the bed, only to be pulled back immediately.

“Ruan Ruan, do you… not like it?” Yun Feiwu lowered her head, looking at her pitifully.

Her eyes were full of moisture as if they were about to overflow at any moment, looking extremely pitiful. Her hair was messy, inviting one to smooth it out.

But, Xia Shutong gritted her teeth. She was the one who had been wronged!

Xia Shutong weakly slapped Yun Feiwu’s shoulder.

Yun Feiwu didn’t move, she just kept looking at her.

After Xia Shutong slapped her a few more times, she finally lowered her hand, avoiding her gaze. After a while, she weakly said: “No… I don’t dislike it.”

Yun Feiwu tried to hug her again, but Xia Shutong weakly pushed her away.

“Maomao, I’m hungry. Could you go out and cook some noodles?” Xia Shutong lowered her head.

She needed some time alone, to think about what happened last night and to plan for the future.

Yun Feiwu stared at her for a while, then obediently nodded. As she reached the door of the room, she suddenly turned back, her eyes filled with tears as she knelt on the bed.

“Ruan Ruan… I’m sorry about last night. If you don’t like it, don’t force yourself. Tell me, and I… I’ll never do it again…”

Yun Feiwu knelt in front of her, her expression confused and scared. Her whole body slumped, making her look small and pitiful, like a little puppy.

That’s when Xia Shutong noticed Yun Feiwu’s body also had many marks, all scratched by her.

Speaking of it, she did not reject Yun Feiwu last night. In fact, towards the end, she had been luring Yun Feiwu into the abyss, again and again. What had she been thinking at that time? Xia Shutong couldn’t remember, but she vaguely recalled that her mind was in chaos, and she just wanted to let go of everything, forget all the realities, and pursue her instinctive pleasure.

So she needed to think it through now.

Xia Shutong held back her trembling hands, and rubbed Yun Feiwu’s head, her voice hoarse but soft, “Good girl, go make some noodles.”

Yun Feiwu left, and after a while, she brought her a cup of water. Later, they washed up and had a meal together.

At the dinner table, Xia Shutong casually mentioned, “It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten noodles cooked by Maomao.” This made Yun Feiwu smile so much that her eyes were almost curved into crescents.

After that day, Xia Shutong’s mindset went through a significant change.

Yun Feiwu was her sun, the one she wanted to protect forever, but she was no longer satisfied with simply maintaining distance and guarding her from the shadows. She also wanted to get closer to the sun and embrace the sun, hoping that one day, she could truly be with Yun Feiwu, allowing others to know about their relationship.

A few days later, she took Yun Feiwu to buy a spare phone and even got someone to purchase an anonymous card from the black market.

A few more days later, she couldn’t withstand Yun Feiwu’s persuasion anymore and agreed to be with her in bed, but they still had rules: their relationship absolutely must not be known to others.

Before she could fully protect Yun Feiwu, Xia Shutong didn’t want to see any accidents.

Initially, Yun Feiwu, although in agreement, secretly harbored resentment, pleasuring her hard to the point it was too hard to bear. However, as time passed, she, like a maturing wolf cub, began to gradually understand and empathize with her.

Yun Feiwu had Xia Shutong as her spear, clearing her thorny path, and as her shield, deflecting successive sharp attacks. Likewise, Xia Shutong had Yun Feiwu as her sun, the constant source of energy that propelled her forward, the one she desired to hold close regardless of circumstances.

They were akin to an interdependent entity of light and shadow.

Yet, their secret was known to no one else but them.

…

Upon waking up early in the morning, a dull ache immediately greeted Xia Shutong.

It felt as though countless things had been crammed into her mind, causing an unsettling dullness.

Grimacing in pain, Xia Shutong rubbed her temples. The moment she closed her eyes, a flurry of images, coupled with the words Xia Hongye had uttered the previous afternoon, flashed across her mind.

It didn’t take long for Xia Shutong to realize that her dream from the previous night was the past she had forgotten.

She seemed to have regained all the memories from when she was nineteen up to the present. Although her memories prior to nineteen were still somewhat hazy, she had managed to connect most of the dots through inference.

In the blink of an eye, Yun Feiwu woke up from her slumber. Observing Xia Shutong’s agonized expression, she instantly snapped into alert mode, “Ruan Ruan, what’s wrong? Do you have a headache? I’ll get you some medicine.”

Yun Feiwu’s voice was gentle and soothing.

The throbbing pain in Xia Shutong’s head seemed to ease a bit.

Before Yun Feiwu could rise, Xia Shutong held her back, “There’s no need.”

“Maomao, could you lie with me for a bit?”

Upon seeing Xia Shutong’s eyebrows gradually unfurl, Yun Feiwu complied and lay back down, cradling Xia Shutong from behind.

Feeling the rhythmic heartbeat from the body behind her, Xia Shutong heaved a soft sigh, her heart melting.

After a while, she turned around and encircled Yun Feiwu’s neck, “Mao Mao, I’ve recalled everything that happened after I turned nineteen.”

However, Yun Feiwu’s eyes held no surprise, only profound empathy.

Xia Shutong: ???

Although recalling the past wasn’t particularly crucial to them at the moment, it certainly felt like a bonus. She had expected Yun Feiwu to be thrilled, but on the contrary, Yun Feiwu’s voice was nearly choked with emotion.

“Ruan Ruan… was that why you had a headache earlier?”

Xia Shutong nodded dazedly.