Chapter 49.5

In his dream, he seemed to be experiencing separation in life and death.

Ever since he was very young, his mother had been hiding in a small room with him in her arms. She told him that he must lock the door of the room when he was alone at home, or that drunk man might pick him up from the bed and beat him up for no reason.

At that time, he felt that it really hurt when he was beaten. If only he didn’t have a father.

Later on, when he really lost his father, he finally understood how sad he would be, because the tall man who would raise him up high when he was sober and take him to the amusement park would never come back. No one would be able to raise him up high again and tell him to be an indomitable man.

So, when he was seven years old, he understood that he wanted to be an adult.

At that time, his mother and grandfather were busy with work and taking care of Lin An’an. So, when other children had adults pick them up, he had already learned to walk through the narrow and long alley without street lamps in order to save two yuan for the bus. He was actually very afraid of the dark, but he couldn’t tell others that he was afraid of the dark. One day, when he protected himself from a pervert with the pen sharpening knife he carried with him, he only held his mother and said, “It’s fine, I’m not afraid.”

After that, he kept saying that it was fine and he wasn’t afraid.

His mother was seriously ill, and he still wasn’t afraid. He could go to school well, work well, and take good care of his younger cousin. He could sell his favourite piano, and wear a costume for an entire day despite the weather being at 39 degrees Celsius.

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After that, he was helpless when it came to life and death, and his mother left him.

He seemed to have walked into a boundless snowstorm. He didn’t know where he came from, or where he was going.

Then, someone suddenly called him, “Gu Yanshu”.

He suddenly woke up from his dream, and realised that it was already late at night again. There was no one in the corridor with the pale light.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He took a deep breath and saw the phone next to him light up.

The words “Shen Jue” flashed on the screen.

Picking up, Shen Jue’s voice came from the other end of the phone. “Which ward?”

Gu Yanshu was slightly stunned. “What do you mean by which ward?”

The voice on the other end of the phone sounded casual. “I’m at the entrance of the hospital. I don’t know where to find you.”

Shen Jue spoke casually, but Gu Yanshu was in a daze, so he simply reacted by saying, “Weren’t all the flights in Xi’an cancelled?”

“Mm. I drove here. I drove for more than ten hours and something almost happened on the way, so are you really not going to consider picking me up?” As though he was pretending to be relaxed, Shen Jue’s tone carried a hint of laziness.

Gu Yanshu turned around and looked out of the window.

It was the same vast night as in his dream, with snow and wind everywhere.

However, there was a warm yellow light on the other end of the snowstorm. In the light, the man was leaning against the car, looking up at him with a gentle yet wanton smile.

It was as if he should have been there, to give Gu Yanshu a hope for stability in his stormy life.

Gu Yanshu suddenly didn’t want to wait anymore.

Anyway, it had always been difficult for Shen Jue and him. There were too many things between them that they couldn’t help, too many rumours obstructing them, and too many endless disputes. So, when Shen Jue crossed 1,300 kilometres in the violent blizzard weather and walked in front of him, he suddenly didn’t want to wait anymore.

He wanted to be with Shen Jue. Now.

It was just like when he asked Shen Jue if he had read Liang Shiqiu’s essay. 

“When you leave, I won’t send you off. When you arrive, no matter how strong the wind and rain are, I’ll pick you up.”

He was going to pick Shen Jue up.

He only wanted to be so willful for once in his life. He didn’t care about the secular rules, or if others agreed. He just wanted to be with Shen Jue, and he wanted to be with him publicly, without any shame.

He hung up the phone and walked towards Shen Jue step by step with an umbrella.

He said, “Shen Jue, I heard that you’ve liked me for seven years.”

“What a coincidence. Me too.”