Chapter 46

Lin Xigu could hardly believe his luck. He and She Xiao were together, just like that.

At the time, everything had happened so suddenly that he couldn’t fully process everything in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t until he returned home and slowly began to replay the events of the day that his face burned for the rest of the night.

God…

He and She Xiao were officially together?

H-h-he was going to be She Xiao’s boyfriend?

He now had a legitimate reason to hold She Xiao’s hand? To kiss him?

Oh my god…

Lin Xigu held his pillow to his face, jibbering and making unintelligible noises in the back of his throat. It was hard to believe that they had been smooching and cuddling just a few hours ago. Stuck on each other like glue…

The following parts of the text will be scrambled to prevent theft from aggregators and unauthorized epub making. Please support our translators by reading on secondlifetranslations (dot) com. If you are currently on the site and and you are seeing this, please clear your cache.

“Gb…”

Nkd Dktw ckv bkp zkr, bkp blyav nwazle wr pxyzz yde plnwalzu yaswde vblpl dlo xlxsaklp, rasvlnvkdt vblx obkzl dsv iwkvl vawpvkdt kvplzq vs pvalvnb swv qwzzu.

Tl oyp sqqknkyzzu tskdt vs cl Fbl Dkys’p csuqaklde. Ebyv oyp bl tskdt vs es okvb bkp dlozu yniwkale rakhkzltlp ps vbyv bl nswze pbso vbl osaze vbyv bl oyp vyjld dso? Ebyv eke svbla rlsrzl dsaxyzzu es kd y alzyvksdpbkr?&dcpr;

Yyucl vblu swtbv vs ts pll y xshkl vstlvbla.

Tkp xkde qzukdt vs vbkp yde vbyv yp bl vspple yde vwadle kd cle, kv pllxle bl nswze es lhlauvbkdt lmnlrv qyzz ypzllr.

Tl nblnjle vbl vkxl. Rv oyp vos kd vbl xsadkdt.

Cwklvzu vyjkdt swv bkp rbsdl, bl pnaszzle vbaswtb bkp vlmv xlppytl bkpvsau okvb Fbl Dkys sdnl xsal, tskdt cynj vbaswtb vbl xlppytlp sdl cu sdl. Mblpl olal yzz ralnkswp xlxldvsp. Slyekdt vblx, Nkd Dktw nswze pll bso bl bye tayewyzzu qyzzld qsa Fbl Dkys. Tl nswze yzps pll Fbl Dkys’p elqldplp psqvldkdt, bkp kddla pvawttzl, bkp pzso pwaaldela.&dcpr;

Nkd Dktw zyke vbl rbsdl qynl esod ytykdpv bkp nblpv. Tl qlzv clvvla yefwpvle vs bkp dlo vkvzl, yde vbl kdkvkyz pbsnj yde pwarakpl oyp pvyavkdt vs olya sqq, shlavyjld cu osaau ycswv bkp csuqaklde’p pyqlvu.

He had finally come face-to-face with that psychopath that morning and had witnessed just how terrifying he was.

He couldn’t bear to think about how She Xiao had grown up surviving day to day, surviving scar after scar. Every mark left behind was a sign of the fear and pain he had once felt.

She Xiao must have been the perfect child. And when he cried, he must have cried his heart and guts out, hoping beyond hope for someone to save him.

Lin Xigu sniffed, his fleeting moment of joy evaporating. His nose smarted at the thoughts flying through his head, feeling heartbroken about both the child who cried and the sullen silence of the She Xiao he knew.

He sent out a text:

Are you doing okay?

When She Xiao had walked him home earlier, Lin Xigu wished out loud for him to just not go back; he didn’t want She Xiao to return to that house of horrors. But She Xiao had simply patted Lin Xigu’s face and shook his head.

He still went home, and he forbade Lin Xigu from ever going there again.

Lin Xigu remembered how She Xiao had been shaking all over as he shielded him with his body. He knew that it wasn’t the man that She Xiao had been afraid of in that moment; She Xiao had been afraid that Lin Xigu would be hurt. He was the seat of She Xiao’s fears, he knew that for a fact.

She Xiao replied:

I’m okay. Why aren’t you asleep yet?

Lin Xigu bit his lip as he typed.

I was worried about you. Are you hurt at all?

She Xiao’s reply came quickly.

Not hurt. No worrying, go to bed.

He said he was fine. Lin Xigu relaxed a little before remembering once more that he had been promoted to the role of boyfriend. He rubbed his burning cheeks, then typed slowly.

In that case…

Mn?

She Xiao’s one-word reply made Lin Xigu’s heart tingle. He could recall all the special ways She Xiao expressed his gentle side whenever he read that word. He held his phone against his chest for a while, holding his tongue in his teeth. I like him…

I like him so much…

Will you come over tomorrow?

He had actually been planning to ask something else. After all, now that their relationship had changed, he wanted to say something that was more representative of their newfound intimacy. But he felt embarrassed and a little ashamed, and the words wouldn’t come out.

She Xiao replied: 

Mn. Sleep.

Lin Xigu clutched his phone, trying to conjure sleep with She Xiao’s face floating in his mind. But how was he able to sleep while thinking about She Xiao’s face? Just as he was about to abandon his messier thoughts in favour of counting sheep, the phone vibrated again in his hand.

Lin Xigu unlocked it to see She Xiao’s final message:

Be careful with that leg.

His calf had been shredded by shards of glass when the bottle had exploded against the ground. There was one gash in particular that was quite long. She Xiao was very concerned about it and his brows were furrowed the whole time he was tending to Lin Xigu’s wounds, with a cold expression to match.

“Ah, ah, ah….” Lin Xigu patted the spot above his racing heart, murmuring to himself. “What am I going to do? How am I supposed to fall asleep now…”

Lin Xigu planted his face in his pillow and took several deep breaths in order to suppress the urge to cheer, to jump up and bounce around on his bed. At last, he replied:

Got it. Don’t worry about me either. I hope I see you as soon as possible tomorrow.

He was amazed that he was able to write such a calmly worded text.

Xiao-Xigu, your acting’s not too shabby.

He moved his fingers gently across his phone screen, lost in thought, the epicenter of his thoughts right there on the other side of the screen. He had been given a place in She Xiao’s life, which meant that he had also been given the responsibility to stay by his side, to protect him.

His heart was filled with tender thoughts but was also firm with determination.

---

When She Xiao arrived the next morning, Lin Xigu had just awoken. Still rubbing sleep from his eyes, he opened the door to be instantly wrapped up in She Xiao’s arms.

Lin Xigu froze before his heart curled up into a ball again like it had the night before, closely guarding the feeling of being in love and not wanting to unfurl.

She Xiao pecked the top of his ear.

He was as quiet as always.

Lin Xigu blinked at him with wide eyes, then dashed into the bathroom to wash up. As he brushed his teeth, he examined himself in the mirror and came to the conclusion that his appearance was passably okay. Although he wasn’t at She Xiao’s level, he also wasn’t too oddly shaped.

Lin Xigu towelled his hair impatiently without bothering to waste time blow drying it. He had showered just long enough to make sure he was fully awake. When he exited the bathroom, She Xiao was sitting on the sofa, looking in his direction.

Despite feeling shy, Lin Xigu took a seat beside him without any hesitation and leaned in for a long kiss.

He tried to touch his tongue to She Xiao’s, wanting to learn where his tongue had been cut, whether there was still a scar there.

When the kiss ended, Lin Xigu was red down to his neck.

As youths making their first forays into new territory, neither of them could remain wholly unaffected; both of them had reacted to the kiss.

Lin Xigu cleared his throat but his voice cracked when he spoke. “G-good morning, She Xiao.”

She Xiao encircled him with his eyes, his expression gentle. “Good morning.”

“You… you didn’t bring your backpack? You’re not going to study?” Lin Xigu asked.

She Xiao shook his head.

It wasn’t as though he had come over to study in the first place. 

It was She Xiao’s first time being in Lin Xigu’s bedroom. Although he had been to Lin Xigu’s house many times before, he had never been inside his room and Lin Xigu had always been too embarrassed to invite him in.

The first thing he saw were the cigarettes by Lin Xigu’s pillow.

He paused, looking over at Lin Xigu. “You’ve been smoking?”

“Ah!” Lin Xigu hurriedly hid the carton of cigarettes under his pillow and shook his head. “No, not at all!”

In actuality, there were not only cigarettes there, but pills as well.

These were all the little treasures that Lin Xigu took out whenever he was thinking about She Xiao. How could he possibly explain something like that? Was he really expected to tell She Xiao that “These are actually your things. Sometimes, when I miss you too much, I take them out and look at them just for the heck of it.”

How would he even say something like that? Shouldn’t he be allowed to keep some of his dignity…?

“Haven’t been smoking… I just- I was just looking.”

Lin Xigu fidgeted with his fingers. The explanation sounded strange even to his own ears.

She Xiao raised an eyebrow. “Just looking?”

“Yup… just looking.”

“Don’t smoke,” She Xiao said.

“I swear I haven’t been smoking.” Lin Xigu was regretting the fact that he hadn’t woken up in time to declutter the house and hide everything away. Or better yet, he probably shouldn’t have even taken them out in the first place.

“Mn.” She Xiao sat down on his bed. Lin Xigu hastily folded his comforter into a neat block which he pushed off to the side.

Lin Xigu took every kind of fruit he had from his fridge and mixed it all up in the juicer. He brought the juice back to She Xiao. “I just tasted it. It’s good – tangy and very sweet. You can really taste the watermelon though. Give it a go…”

She Xiao accepted it, holding the glass in one hand, but he didn’t drink from it immediately. 

“Ah, that’s right. I used a spoon to taste it but I didn’t drink from the cup itself.” Lin Xigu pointed to the glass. “It’s clean.”

She Xiao slowly raised his eyebrows as he waited for him to stop talking. Then, still looking at him, he brought the glass up to Lin Xigu’s mouth. “Drink,” he said mildly.

He tipped the glass as Lin Xigu took a sip.

Then, he turned the glass until his lips lined up with the exact spot where Lin Xigu had just drank from seconds before. He tilted his head back and gulped down the juice.

Lin Xigu was speechless.

He really was too good to be true.

Zhou-ayi came over at noon to cook. Worried that She Xiao would be uncomfortable in her presence, Lin Xigu didn’t ask him to leave the room. The two of them stayed in his bedroom, conversing quietly. In actuality, Lin Xigu was the only one who spoke. Little else could be expected of She Xiao, after all; She Xiao mostly listened to him talk.

Lin Xigu’s phone buzzed. It was a text from the tongzhuo he had sat next to at his old school.

She was an outgoing person. Lin Xigu had stayed on good terms with her and they would occasionally text each other from time to time. She was asking about getting a copy of the mock exams their school was handing out. Lin Xigu had promised her earlier that he’d send them over.

While typing his reply, Lin Xigu explained, “It’s my old tongzhuo. She’s nice, very chatty. Though not as chatty as Li Balei, of course.”

She Xiao said “Mn” in acknowledgement.

Lin Xigu smiled. “You find Li Balei a little overbearing sometimes, don’t you? I even get overwhelmed sometimes when she talks, but it’s cute, right?”

She Xiao said nothing this time.

“My old school was very strict. We weren’t allowed to use our phones at all. Speaking of which, I just remembered my old homeroom teacher still has a phone that he confiscated from me. I forgot to ask for it back when I transferred.”

Lin Xigu spoke at length in a quiet voice, filling the small room with the warm buzz of conversation. It was very comforting.

“Why did you… transfer?” She Xiao asked.

The question gave Lin Xigu pause before he scratched his head and smiled awkwardly. “You know why, it’s because I like boys. My school wasn’t exactly tolerant. They were uncomfortable and that made me uncomfortable, so I left.”

There wasn’t any heightened emotion in his voice as he explained; he was as cheerful as always.

She Xiao blinked and looked at Lin Xigu.

Lin Xigu thought he had already moved on to his next thought when She Xiao suddenly asked again, “Someone… you liked?”

Lin Xigu was caught off-guard by his question again. He blinked, startled, then shook his head frantically. “No! Not at all! I’ve never liked anyone else before!”

She Xiao was still looking at him.

“It’s just that I’m… I don’t find girls attractive that way. I had a friend who knew and he let the cat out of the bag… I do like boys, but there has been no one in particular, just… just you!”

She Xiao looked away and took a sip of his juice. “Mn.”

After his impassioned outburst, Lin Xigu shrank back into a ball as his face started to redden, his hand fidgeting over his legs. He couldn’t put his finger on it but the sudden shift in mood was making him feel embarrassed.