A few days before the start of the new term, Li Balei invited Lin Xigu out for hot pot. The other invite went to Li Balei’s former tongzhuo, Fang Xiaoshan. The two of them made a funny pair. They used to spend all their time hurling insults at each other but after only a semester apart, they now spent their days gazing across the chasm between their desks and commiserating about being kept apart.
Lin Xigu brought plenty of snacks for Li Balei. He had gone out of his way to buy her every manner of chocolate and candy he could find while abroad. Li Balei hugged the snacks close and looked at Lin Xigu as though she were ready to pull him into a bear hug and snog his face.
“Try this one. I made sure to buy flavours you can’t get here. It’s nothing expensive,” Lin Xigu said, pointing to one of the many bags of candy on the table. “That one’s dirt cheap, but I think it’s really good. My little sis likes it too.”
Li Balei sniffled, touched as she looked at Lin Xigu. “Xiao-Xigu, how will I ever repay you?”
“You don’t have to repay me,” Lin Xigu smiled. “So where’s my New Year’s present?”
“I have it, I have it,” Li Balei quickly fumbled through her backpack and emerged with a small gift box which she handed to Lin Xigu. “Just so you know, Lin Xigu, I traded all my red envelope money1 压岁钱 (ya/sui/qian): Money that is traditionally given to children in red envelopes on Chinese New Year. Rooted in folk traditions, its original purpose was to ward off evil spirits. Because people believed that children were susceptible to such influences, money possessed the power to suppress and drive away those influences. The ‘sui’ in 压岁钱 can also be written as ‘祟’, which is short for ‘邪祟’ (evil spirits), so the literal meaning of 压岁钱 is “money to suppress evil spirits”. for this, just for you.”
Lin Xigu raised his eyebrows, his interest piqued. He opened the box. Inside was a pendant made of black jade: a small Guanyin2观音 (Guan/yin) Guanyin is the Chinese translation of Avalokiteshvara, the bodhisattva of compassion. She is a popular figure in all aspects of Chinese religious life, including Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism and Chinese folk religion. hanging on a black cord.
“My nainai3Grandmother had it consecrated by a Buddhist master. This guy’s the real deal, trust me. It will protect you from harm. It’s the only one of its kind. Nainai gave it to my brother. I didn’t keep a dime of my New Year’s money this year. That money grubber got it all.”
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Mbl rldeydv oyp clywvkqwzzu vaydpryaldv yde kdj csvvzl talld, dlyazu czynj. Nkd Dktw oyp pvwddle. Tl pbssj bkp blye. “Jyzzlv Qaaaz, R nyd’v rsppkczu ynnlrv vbkp.”
Nk Jyzlk rwpble bkp byde yoyu yp bl vakle vs byde kv cynj vs bla, rwapkdt bla zkrp. “Ebu dsv? R esd’v byhl ydusdl R nyd tkhl vbkp vs. Yu casvbla’p yzalyeu prldv vbl xsdlu ps R nyd’v vayel bkx cynj, yde sdzu twup olya Qwydukd nbyaxp, ps kv’p wplzlpp vs xl. Zsw jllr kv. Gde fwpv ps usw jdso, vbkp kp y sdl-vkxl vbkdt! Psd’v lmrlnv xl vs lhla tkhl usw yduvbkdt zkjl vbkp ytykd.”
Nkd Dktw srldle bkp xswvb vs prlyj cwv Nk Jyzlk nsdvkdwle ycshl bkp rasvlpvp. “R bye xu lulp plv sd kv qasx vbl xsxldv Lykdyk pbsole wp obyv kv oyp. Yu casvbla eslpd’v dlle kv. Tlnj, bl cyalzu zlyhlp vbl bswpl, lhld obkzl bl’p sd calyj. Yu talyv-wdnzl nbywqqlwap bkx lhlauoblal bl tslp; bl eslpd’v dlle ydu xsal rasvlnvksd vbyd vbyv. Zsw zkhl yzsdl yde usw’al yzoyup vayhlzzkdt. Fs jllr kv, yde olya kv. Fll, Fbydgk kp pkvvkdt aktbv vblal yde R eked’v lhld vbkdj ycswv bkx. Rv’p xlydv qsa usw yde sdzu usw.”
Tlyakdt bla kxryppksdle prllnb, Nkd Dktw bye ds nbsknl cwv vs ynnlrv. Tl oyp ellrzu xshle yp bl dseele alzwnvydvzu. “Rq usw kdpkpv. Mbydj usw qsa vbkdjkdt sq xl. R’x vswnble, cwv rzlypl esd’v lhla tlv xl yduvbkdt vbkp lmrldpkhl ytykd.”
Nk Jyzlk zywtble. “Zsw esd’v byhl vs oypvl vbspl osaep sd xl. Tyhl R lhla vbydjle usw—yde R xlyd rasrlazu vbydjle usw—qsa yzz vbl nbsnszyvlp usw’hl cswtbv xl? Ps usw alyzzu vbkdj R esd’v jdso bso xwnb vblu nspv? R’hl dlhla przkv bykap shla xsdlu okvb usw clqsal. Psd’v shlavbkdj kv.”
Nkd Dktw pxkzle yde eked’v pyu yduvbkdt lzpl. Wydt Dkyspbyd qkdyzzu bye vbl nbydnl vs nwv kd, pktbkdt. “Nk Jyzlk, R pll dso vbyv usw kdhkvle xl blal vseyu fwpv vs rwv xl vs pbyxl.”
“Tso yx R rwvvkdt usw vs pbyxl?” Nk Jyzlk tzyale yv bkx. “Pked’v R yzps nsxrzkxldv usw sd uswa tkqv nbsknlp lyazkla? Nkjl R pyke, kv’p vbl vbswtbv vbyv nswdvp. Gde clpkelp, R kdhkvle usw clnywpl ol ytalle ol olal tskdt vs czlle Nkd Dktw eau. Xaela yduvbkdt usw oydv sqq vbl xldw, kv’p bkp valyv.”
Wydt Dkyspbyd pbsv bla y nsdprkayvsakyz zssj yde dseele, “Sktbv sd.”
Lin Xigu nodded too. “Order away.”
Lin Xigu almost never checked the balance on his debit card. His dad would transfer money into his account every now and then, despite his insistence that he didn’t need it. Anytime he bought chocolates for Li Balei, he would always just swipe his card without a second thought. He had no concept of how much money was in his account at any given time.
Before the New Year, he had asked Li Balei to use her connections to give his phone number to Zhang Feng, the Class 5 boy who had been pummeled in the fight. Then, Zhang Feng had texted Lin Xigu his banking information.
Lin Xigu transferred him ¥3,000.4Around $422 USD
¥3,000 was a lot of money for an average high school student. After accepting the transfer, he texted Lin Xigu:
We’re even now.
As annoying as they were, the gang members from Class 5 weren’t entirely without principles. Although they did badger Lin Xigu with stupid remarks every time they saw him, they never truly intended to hurt him.
Lin Xigu had been worried about She Xiao, worried about the wound on his arm, and above all else, worried that the Class 5 delinquents would seek revenge against She Xiao. He relaxed a little after reading Zhang Feng’s text as he replied:
Happy New Year.
“Hey, that’s right, Lin Xigu. You had me pass your number to my friends in Class 5. I haven’t asked you about that yet. Who there’s caught your eye?” Li Balei asked. Her lips were swollen from the heat of the chilies and she hastily gulped some juice.
Lin Xigu didn’t know how to respond. “Why do I have to fancy someone to give out my number?”
“Why else would you give someone your number then?” Li Balei narrowed her eyes at him. “You have to tell me right away if you do get a girlfriend. I don’t want some girl trying to fight me because she thinks I’m trying to steal her man.”
“You can relax,” Lin Xigu chuckled, pouring her another glass of juice. “That won’t ever happen.”
It was the truth. Lin Xigu could basically guarantee that he would never have a girlfriend for as long as he lived. He sat back and listened to Li Balei and Fang Xiaoshan discuss the new seating plan for the upcoming term.
“Dumbass, why couldn’t you have just stood beside me when we were all lining up in the hallway?” Li Balei was complaining. “You just went along with whatever Zhou Cheng told you to do. I could have stood on tiptoe and you could have stooped a little. Everything would have worked out.”
Fang Xiaoshan looked sideways at her with a huff. “You were the one who said you didn’t want to sit with me anymore.”
“That was said in anger! It didn’t mean anything!” Li Balei shot him a scathing look. “Dumbass.”
They resumed strategizing about the new seating plan. Lin Xigu stared down at his hands, his mind starting to wander.
That’s right. Their seats were going to change again.
When he had received She Xiao’s text message before the fall term saying “Mn, don’t move”, he had been beside himself with happiness, wanting nothing more than to roll around, hugging his phone.
He still remembered how he had felt when She Xiao had walked past him and lifted his backpack off his chair. He remembered the tide of emotion that had engulfed him. That was when he knew his feelings for She Xiao would only grow with time.
And it had grown. How had he sunk so deep in the span of a single semester?
“Are you still going to sit with She Xiao in the back?” Li Balei asked him.
Lin Xigu blinked and nodded. “I think so.”
“Then I’ll try to sit close by.” Li Balei thought for a moment. “I’ll wing it when the time comes. As long as there are 7 or 8 people between us in the lineup, I think I’ll be able to sit in front of you two again.”
“Got it,” Lin Xigu said.
He had made up his mind too. No matter what Zhou Cheng had in mind, he was determined to sit beside She Xiao again.
But Lin Xigu never anticipated that on the morning of their first day back, She Xiao would not show up at all.
He left the house 10 minutes earlier than usual because he had been too eager to sit, and wanted to see She Xiao at the first opportunity. He was still waiting half an hour later.
Lin Xigu’s heart sank slowly. Why hadn’t She Xiao come? There wasn’t time to feel embarrassed as Lin Xigu took out his phone and dialled She Xiao’s number.
The call didn’t go through. The number was unavailable.
Lin Xigu’s heart went cold completely.
That day, he asked Zhou Cheng, “Laoshi, where’s She Xiao?”
“Ah,” Zhou Cheng said. “He’s been excused from class.”
“Until when?” Lin Xigu asked urgently.
Zhou Cheng shook his head. “He didn’t say.”
At lunch break, Lin Xigu tried calling She Xiao again. She Xiao’s phone was still off. Lin Xigu didn’t know how he felt anymore. He had waited a month, had been so excited, so hopeful that he would finally be able to see She Xiao again. But She Xiao had not come, and there was no word as to when he would return.
There was misery, yes, and disappointment too. Both tasted bitter in equal measure.
For the new seating plan, Lin Xigu was assigned a desk in the fourth row. He’d wanted to go back to his usual spot but as soon as he stood up, Zhou Cheng said, “Lin Xigu, will you please just sit where you’re told?”
Lin Xigu hesitated. He had been lagging behind everyone else all day, unable to react quickly. He wanted to argue but after some thought, he slowly sat back down.
With She Xiao gone, there was no point in rebelling alone anyway. He would figure out another way to switch desks after She Xiao returned.
But She Xiao did not return that week.
Lin Xigu called him every day, but none of his calls ever connected. It was as if She Xiao had vanished off the face of the Earth.
Lin Xigu couldn’t shake the habit of making two copies of the assignment list. Sometimes, it was only after the fact that he would realize he only needed a single list for himself and he would then give the second copy to the girl now sitting beside him.
His new tongzhuo had initially interpreted these gestures as offerings of friendship, and had tried to reciprocate this perceived enthusiasm with frequents attempts to break the ice. However, she later found out that Lin Xigu’s attitude was coolly distant, and only replied to her out of politeness, so she had quickly given up on trying to befriend him.
Lin Xigu was doodling She Xiao’s name absentmindedly again. He had almost completely mastered the two characters.
He deducted 100 points from She Xiao for every day he was gone. There were only a little over 300 points left.
He had added 1000 points after they returned from their ski trip on Christmas Day. At the time, he had wanted to add 10,000 points—no, 1,000,000 points. He had been standing at the top of the world.
Lin Xigu looked at the number on the notepad and thought, there are only 348 points left… It’ll last three more days. If She Xiao still hasn’t shown up by that time, there will be negative points for the first time ever.
He chewed his lip, feeling dejected.
He ran into Zhang Feng from Class 5 in the bathroom during his break. When their eyes met, Zhang Feng smirked at him and exhaled a cloud of smoke.
Lin Xigu frowned and sidestepped him to get to the stalls.
“Why are we all wilting? Come on, perk up. School’s been back in session for over a week and you still haven’t found your groove yet?” The sonorous boom of their physics teacher’s voice jolted several napping students awake. “Wake up and smell the coffee! You’re in the last term of your second senior year and you’re still lazing about? If I were you, I’d be too stressed to sleep right now! You must all have strong coping skills.”
Lin Xigu was hunched over his desk. He wasn’t sleepy but he had no energy.
“Come on, get those problem sets out. I’m willing to bet you’ve washed down everything you learned last term with your New Year’s feasts. Every key concept, completely forgotten!”
The little person he was doodling had elongated eyes and a thin mouth.
Dong-laoshi prattled on. Lin Xigu listened to his tirade while continuing to draw with his head lowered over his notebook.
Someone knocked twice on the door. “Come in,” their physics teacher called.
“Oho! My star pupil’s finally back?” He asked with a smile in his voice before picking up where he had left off before the interruption. “I’ll review the problem set with you all one last time. Next week, I’ll change some questions around and we’ll have a test on the same content. If you still haven’t grasped the concepts by then, you’ll be sorry!”
Lin Xigu had stopped listening as he concentrated on making each line perfect.
The eyelashes should be long. The nose should be straight.
“Oh, that reminds me. She Xiao, please see the class rep for the homework you’ve missed,” their teacher said before moving on to the main lesson.
The comment lingered in the air for a long time. Then, Lin Xigu’s busy hand suddenly stopped as the tip of his pen slid to a halt on the page and didn’t move again.
He blinked. A tremor went through his fingers gripping the pen.
He took a deep breath and turned around in his seat. The previously empty desk in the second-to-last row was now occupied.
— How did he get so thin?
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