Chapter 26

What’s… going on?

What’s become of this world?

Is there something wrong with my head?

What just happened?

She Xiao stood and made sure his own skis and poles were in order before offering his hand to Lin Xigu.

Lin Xigu extended his hand, watching blankly as She Xiao pulled him to his feet in one fluid motion. He couldn’t figure out what had come over him. Did he just hallucinate She Xiao kissing him? But the sensation on his lips had been so vivid; he could still distinctly feel She Xiao’s lips against his, almost burning with heat. 

Steadying himself with She Xiao’s support, he could not remember how to make himself move. He stood in place, his head bowed, feeling completely lost.

Had he gone mad?

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Lin Xigu’s brain was finally awake. Could someone’s head explode from blushing too hard? He pressed his hands to his face. His gloves were covered with snow, frosty cold against his skin. Lin Xigu couldn’t process the complexity of the situation and was starting to crash again.

“Sh-sh-sh-She Xiao…” Lin Xigu called him with a tremor in his voice.

She Xiao stood shoulder to shoulder with him. His reply was kind. “Mn?”

Lin Xigu didn’t know what to say after having called his name. His heart was pounding at a frightening pace. He was too afraid to look at She Xiao’s face, as if he had been the one who had unexpectedly kissed She Xiao. He wanted to dig a hole in the snow and hide in it.

Lin Xigu still maintained a certain level of skepticism about the earlier incident, finding the whole thing difficult to believe. 

Because of what happened, he soon lost interest in skiing after that and spent the rest of the afternoon reminiscing about that one… kiss. He was just going to call it a kiss. Regardless of whether it really happened or not, Lin Xigu decided just to pretend as if it had.

After falling numerous times, Lin Xigu gave up on skiing altogether. He took off his skis and went on a stroll with She Xiao. They then rented some horses and a sleigh to take them on a sleigh ride around the resort.

In the spirit of the holiday season, the fairgrounds of the resort were decked in red. It actually felt quite festive. Even the huskies pulling the dog sleds were wearing little Santa hats.

A staff member in a bearded Santa costume was handing out gifts to children from a large sack shaped like a stocking.

He stopped beside Lin Xigu and She Xiao and offered them the sack. “You’re welcome to try your luck.”

Lin Xigu reached into the stocking and felt around. There were many little gift boxes inside. He grabbed one, then said to She Xiao, “You take one too.”

So She Xiao complied and took a present.

Lin Xigu shook his box and thanked Santa Claus. 

There was a bouncy ball inside of his box. It wasn’t expensive but it was translucent and quite pretty, with a little charm inside. Lin Xigu smiled. “I haven’t played with something like this in ages. I was still a kid the last time I did.”

She Xiao handed him his box too and Lin Xigu opened it. Inside was a folded Santa hat.

Lin Xigu grinned and put on the hat.

She Xiao was watching him with a smile in his eyes too, warm and soft.

Lin Xigu’s heart stuttered and he instantly remembered the kiss again. He looked away, fidgeting with the white pom pom on his hat.

After looping once around the fairgrounds, they returned the horses and stopped in at the office to sign for their security deposits. Lin Xigu glanced at his watch. “She Xiao, it’s time to go,” he lamented. “Otherwise, we’ll…”

“— She Xiao?”

A voice interrupted his sentence, calling She Xiao by name. Lin Xigu turned to see who it was.

Before he could get a good look, he was dragged back forcefully by She Xiao who had stepped in front of him, shielding him from view with his shoulder. 

“What are you doing here?” The speaker was a man who was quite tall. He was accompanied by a beautiful, younger woman.

She Xiao looked at him, not making a sound.

“I asked you a question. Didn’t you hear me?” The man frowned, staring at She Xiao. 

She Xiao kept his silence and tried to leave with Lin Xigu in tow.

The man turned his gaze on Lin Xigu. Lin Xigu studied the features of his face and with a little uncertainty, ventured,  “Shushu?”¹In this context, 叔叔 (shushu) or “uncle” is a polite and common way to address the father of a friend.

The man said “Mn.”

The clerk handed back the security deposit which Lin Xigu accepted. She Xiao immediately seized him by the wrist and pulled him away before he had the chance to say anything more. He caught one final glimpse of the man scowling in She Xiao’s direction. He looked slightly harsh.

She Xiao walked briskly. Lin Xigu was dragged along beside him. His wrist was starting to hurt from She Xiao’s grip but he said nothing.

After they boarded the bus, Lin Xigu placed his backpack on the luggage rack, then took off his jacket and tucked it against She Xiao’s shoulder, shielding him from the wind coming through the window as he had done earlier.

She Xiao’s mood had soured; his eyes were no longer as gentle and instead showed signs of aggravation. Lin Xigu took all of this in.

He reached out, gently touching the back of She Xiao’s hand. She Xiao looked over, and Lin Xigu smiled at him. “Take off your jacket, it’s hot. You can put it on again when we’re off the bus.”

She Xiao remained motionless, staring at the curve of Lin Xigu’s lips as he smiled. 

His smile was like the sun.

Raising his hand, She Xiao lightly touched Lin Xigu’s cheek with his fingertips. His fingers were ice cold, causing all the peach fuzz on Lin Xigu’s face to stand on end.

Lin Xigu didn’t evade his touch. He simply asked, “We’ve been walking all day. Are you tired? Take a nap if you are. I’ll let you know once it’s our stop.”

She Xiao shook his head, his fingertips gently tracing Lin Xigu’s face. It tickled, sending tremors through the rest of him.

Lin Xigu was disappointed when he withdrew his hand.

Just… a little longer.

She Xiao closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat. Lin Xigu copied him. Behind closed lids, he could instantly recall the dreamlike kiss from that afternoon.

The world had been enveloped in a blinding white, piercing and cold, yet the sun had been warm.

She Xiao’s lips had been warm too.

Lin Xigu touched his lips, his face turning red. He peeked at She Xiao and, seeing that he wasn’t looking, he licked his lips surreptitiously.

It felt a little shameful, but he was long past the point of self-restraint.

---

New Year’s Day came shortly after Christmas. They were given two and a half days off from school and it was customary for him to spend the holiday with his dad. His dad took him to a family friend’s house where he had spent a lot of time as a child. It used to be one of his favourite places, mainly because they had a lot of kids – four in total. 

Their oldest was a girl five years his senior. The rest were all boys – triplets – and a year younger than Lin Xigu.

Lin Xigu got along with all of them. The triplets were friendly and outgoing. Lin Xigu spent two days playing video games with them. Although he didn’t have much alone time to let his mind wander, She Xiao still appeared in his thoughts from time to time.

How is She Xiao spending his New Year’s?

Lin Xigu was feeling a little let down. They had all but stopped texting each other since Christmas. Although their daily school routine remained unchanged, their interactions outside of school ceased. Lin Xigu never texted She Xiao and She Xiao never took the initiative to text him first.

Lin Xigu didn’t know what was wrong with himself. He was all messed up from the kiss that might or might not have happened. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to text She Xiao; he just didn’t know what he could possibly say that would sound natural.

He didn’t know how normal people reacted in this situation.

He was worried that She Xiao might misinterpret his tone as anger if he was too serious, but equally worried that a cheerful tone would betray how he truly felt about him.

“Whatcha looking at?” Triplet #2 walked up behind Lin Xigu and tried to peek at his phone.

Lin Xigu hastily closed out of his text messages and stuffed his phone in his pocket. “Nothing. Just replying to a text.”

“Then why’d you stop? You stopped typing the moment I showed up.” #2 shot him a knowing look and bumped his shoulder. “What’s there to be embarrassed about? Everyone’s dating someone.”

“Including you?” Lin Xigu raised an eyebrow.

“Of course,” he nodded nonchalantly, taking out his phone and swiped through some photos for Lin Xigu to see. “See that? Absolute knockout. My brothers and I battled it out and I won.”

Lin Xigu chortled. “The three of you fight over girls?”

“Why not? What don’t we fight about?” Triplet #3 had joined the conversation as well. He handed Lin Xigu a bottle of water. “It’s not like that was the first time either.”

“Those two always want in on my fun. What a pain.” #2 put his phone away and sidled up to Lin Xigu. “Show me what your bae looks like? Come on, let’s have a look-see.”

The beginnings of a blush was starting to bloom in Lin Xigu’s cheeks at all the talk about girlfriends and partners. He guarded his pockets with his hands and refused to let them wrestle his phone from him. “We’re not dating. Don’t say that.”

“If you’re not dating then why are you hiding your phone?”

“I told you, it’s not like that. I really like him²Gendered pronouns have the same pronunciation in Mandarin. The character used in the dialogue is “he/him”, so that was what I kept in the translation. Just know that this doesn’t necessarily mean that he is out to the triplets. but… we’re not together… yet.” Flustered at having to admit this out loud, Lin Xigu flushed completely red as they heckled him and he quickly found an excuse to return to his room.

He leaned against the door with his phone in his hand. He didn’t know if She Xiao would be angry if he’d overheard what he had just said. 

Probably not. She Xiao was rarely mad at him.

Moreover, She Xiao always showed him an abundance of tolerance and grace.

Lin Xigu summoned the memory of holding his hand in the zoo. She Xiao’s fingers had been cold but his palm was warmed by his own so that by the time they separated, She Xiao’s once-cold hand was warm in the center.

Lin Xigu pressed the backs of his hands to his cheeks, trying to cool them down.

He hesitated a little longer before coming to a decision. Perhaps it was because the triplets downstairs had egged him on, but he couldn’t hold back any longer.

Biting his lip, he rapidly typed out a text and sent it to She Xiao. His fingers flew across the screen, scared that he would get cold feet if he moved any slower. 

Staring at the text he had just sent, his heart began to race.

She Xiao, about what happened last time, did you… kiss me?