Oneshot

When Lin Xun saw Zheng Yuntao’s dad for the first time, she felt inexplicably flustered. The father and son both had tall noses, black arched eyebrows, and similarly deep eyes. However, his dad’s gaze was gentle. Dressed in a light purple shirt, his clean neck and face, along with two deeply upward lines at the corners of his eyes, made him appear mature and steady. Yuntao’s mother, from Jiujiang, had fair skin, a round face, and looked prosperous. Before speaking, she glanced at her husband, with two dimples at the corners of her mouth, a beautiful woman.

During dinner, Lin Xun sat next to Yuntao, with his dad sitting opposite. Lin Xun’s gaze had nowhere to go, accidentally knocking over the shrimp soup, her face turning red. It seemed like she couldn’t speak, but his dad smiled and picked pig trotters and wood ears into Lin Xun’s bowl, saying, “Girls, eat more pig trotters and wood ears. It’s good for beauty and health.” Then, he turned to ask about Yuntao’s work. Lin Xun felt a bit more relaxed, and a strange feeling spread in her heart, warm but mixed with uneasiness and confusion. After dinner, Yuntao’s mom habitually placed her hand in her husband’s large hand. The two embraced each other on the sofa, watching TV. Under the faint light, Lin Xun stood not far away, secretly observing them. The tall man and the petite woman looked heartwarming.

When Yuntao walked Lin Xun out, his dad followed, holding two umbrellas, saying, “It’s cloudy. It might rain. Don’t get wet on the way.” Lin Xun hid in the shadows, watching his dad’s upright figure and wondered why it wasn’t his mom who followed.

In Lin Xun’s early life, there was only Aunt.

Lin Xun was raised by Aunt since she was young. She didn’t know where her parents were, and no one ever told her, nor did Aunt. When she was little, Aunt said her parents had gone to a distant place and would come back when she grew up.

As Lin Xun grew older, Aunt said she would tell her later.

The year Lin Xun graduated from university, Aunt died in a car accident. Lin Xun’s grandparents had also passed away, and there were no other relatives, perhaps there were, but she didn’t know.

Lin Xun no longer knew where she came from.

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Gwdv bye alxykdle wdxyaakle. Fs, ‘Pye’ oyp fwpv y vlax qsa Nkd Dwd.

Mbl kxytkdle eye kd Nkd Dwd’p nbkzebsse oyp qasx y xshkl pbl bye plld, vbl dyxl yde rzsv sq obknb pbl bye qsatsvvld. Fbl sdzu alxlxclale sdl pnldl: y zkvvzl tkaz okvb caykele byka pkvvkdt sd y pokdt okvb bla eye. Mbl eye blze bla qasx clbkde, yde vbl tkaz’p zywtbvla lnbsle vbaswtb vbl xlyeso, vbl ossep, vbl czwl pju, yde vbl obkvl nzswep. Mblu powdt sd vbl pokdt obkzl vyzjkdt:

“Pye, obu es vbl nzswep kd vbl pju qzu?”

“Jlnywpl vblu byhl okdtp vbyv nyd vaydpqsax.”

“Pye, obu kp xwpvyae talld?”

“Jlnywpl kv’p y rzydv.”

“Dad, why do people cry?”

“Because we have love…”

From then on, Lin Xun liked Yuntao’s home. She liked the warm atmosphere, the cozy lighting, and enjoyed listening to Yuntao’s dad’s deep and gentle voice. Since the first visit, Lin Xun went to their home almost every week. Sometimes when Yuntao played video games, she chatted with his parents, mostly with his dad. Lin Xun was a teacher, and his dad was a government official, but they had a lot in common. They discussed current politics, educational issues, real estate, bank interest rates and loans, and even farmer problems.

Yuntao was happy to see Lin Xun getting along well with his dad, but Lin Xun started feeling more uneasy. She realized that her desire to visit Yuntao’s home was, in fact, a longing to see his dad. The sense of security typical of middle-aged men, the attentiveness and protection, and his magnetic deep voice deeply attracted her.

Lately, Lin Xun often found herself sleepless at night, filled with a sense of shame.

On the fifth day after Yuntao’s sister got married, Yuntao’s family went to visit her, and Lin Xun, as a prospective daughter-in-law of the Zheng family, went along. While shopping at the mall, Lin Xun noticed Yuntao’s dad buying many supplements for women in the nourishment section, such as longan, gelatin, honey, and more. Yuntao’s mom followed behind. Did girls need special supplements after getting married? Lin Xun wondered. Oh, maybe they did. A child with parents is indeed precious. Lin Xun felt a bit disheartened and jealous.

Through the gaps in the mall posters, Lin Xun watched Yuntao’s dad, who furrowed his brows while reading the descriptions of certain items, displaying a meticulous demeanor.

Recently, Yuntao went to study abroad, and it would take three months for him to return. The days suddenly became empty and long. Yuntao called, asking her to visit his home on weekends. It was both a place for her to spend her weekends and something that would make his parents happy. Yuntao’s mom also called Lin Xun to come over. On the tenth day after Yuntao left, which was a Saturday, Lin Xun decided to go to Yuntao’s home. Because she was going alone, she felt like she had to be more formal. Lin Xun changed into a light green cotton and linen dress with a narrow lace collar and a lace-trimmed fishtail skirt that reached her ankles, making her appear even more tall and charming.

After chatting with Yuntao’s parents for a while, Lin Xun wanted to go home. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to stay at Yuntao’s house, but with Yuntao absent, she didn’t want to give herself too many chances to be alone with his dad. She was afraid of accidentally revealing her secret. When she was about to leave, it started raining. Despite entering autumn, the weather still had a child’s face—constantly changing. His mom smiled and said, “Look, this is a rain to keep you here. You shouldn’t leave.”

After dinner, the rain intensified, beating on the clothesline without any sign of stopping. Yuntao’s parents insisted that Lin Xun shouldn’t leave. When Yuntao called and found out Lin Xun was at his home, he was delighted. After chatting for a while, Yuntao learned about the rain and asked Lin Xun not to go.

Lin Xun stayed in Yuntao’s room. When Yuntao’s mom helped Lin Xun tidy the bed, his dad said, “Change the bedding to the recently sun-dried one. Yuntao’s room hasn’t been slept in for a while, and it’s a bit damp. It’s not good for a girl.” Lin Xun was surprised by his thoughtfulness, and if he were her husband, she thought it would be such a sweet consideration.

Lying on Yuntao’s bed, with the newly changed pink sheets that had a faint rose fragrance, Lin Xun could hear the rain outside, as if it was angry with someone. The wind blew in at an angle, carrying moisture. Lin Xun remembered that she initially liked Yuntao for his thoughtfulness and care. But now, she clearly saw Yuntao’s immaturity and shallowness.

Yuntao was coming back in a week, but Lin Xun fell ill. The weather fluctuated between cold and hot—hot during the day, but cool in the early morning and evening. Lin Xun didn’t know if she was feeling cold or hot, her head ached, throat dry and itchy, and she had a fever. After taking medicine for a few days without improvement, she decided to take a break from school and rest at home. Lin Xun didn’t want to go to the hospital, and the idea of waiting in line to register, get a prescription, and then sit alone in the treatment area, followed by asking the doctor to remove the needle while seeing other patients comfortably attended to, made her feel desolate. At noon, not willing to cook, she made a packet of instant noodles, took a few reluctant bites, took medicine, and then drifted off to sleep. In a daze, she woke up several times, eyelids heavy, unwilling to open them. Sensing the room getting darker, she knew night had come. Lin Xun had been lying down all day.

Yuntao called, knowing Lin Xun had been unwell recently, and hearing the unusual tone in her voice, he was very worried, urging her to go to the hospital. Lin Xun agreed but had no intention of going.

As the night fell completely, Lin Xun didn’t want to turn on the lights or get up. Her joints ached, and she felt a bit cold, yet she was sweating. In the dimness, Lin Xun heard a knocking on the door, thinking she misheard. But after lifting her head to listen again, someone was indeed knocking on her door. Lin Xun ran her fingers through her hair and went to open the door.

At the door stood Yuntao’s parents, both sweating. “Yuntao said you’re sick, so we came to check on you,” his mom said. While talking, she used her hand to check Lin Xun’s head. “Too hot, and your eyes are red. We need to get you to the hospital quickly.”

While going down the stairs, Lin Xun felt her legs go soft, as if she were floating. Turning a corner, she missed a step and fell on the stairs. Yuntao’s mom exclaimed, “Did it hurt?” Lin Xun wanted to say it was okay, but what came out was, “I can’t move my leg.”

Yuntao’s dad squatted down. “Come, child, I’ll carry you.” Lying on his broad back, Lin Xun smelled a faint woody fragrance. Secretly pressing her cheek against his back, closing her eyes, she felt a gentle swaying, like swinging on a swing in the autumn breeze.

The night before Yuntao’s return, Lin Xun was frantically searching for her only online friend, Chou Chou. Chou Chou was her online friend for two years, and they had never met in person. Both adhered to a rule: online friends were just that—online friends. They could speak freely online, but meeting face-to-face would leave them with nothing to talk about. Chou Chou was a freelance writer and a renowned psychologist, providing them with plenty of common ground. However, Lin Xun hadn’t seen Chou Chou for quite some time.

When Lin Xun was about to log off, she unexpectedly encountered Chou Chou.

Lin Xun’s online alias was Huo Feng Huang(fire pheonix), a bold name.

Huo Feng Huang: Long time no see, what have you been up to?

Chou Chou: Just finished a lawsuit.

Huo Feng Huang: Was it successful?

Chou Chou: It went okay. How about you lately?

Huo Feng Huang: Very troubled. I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid it might scare you.

Chou Chou: Hehe, go ahead, tell me.

Huo Feng Huang: It seems like I’ve fallen for my boyfriend’s dad.

Chou Chou: Oh, that’s a bit frightening. But why “seems like”?

Huo Feng Huang: I can’t be sure, but I just want to be close to him, and I often think about him. I don’t know how to face my boyfriend, and I suspect there’s something wrong with me.

Chou Chou: Does anyone else know?

Huo Feng Huang: No, you’re the first.

Chou Chou: Hehe, it’s a bit tricky. Let me help you test it.

Huo Feng Huang: Test what?

Chou Chou: Test your feelings for him.

Huo Feng Huang: Feelings can be tested?

Chou Chou: Yes, let’s begin.

Huo Feng Huang: Alright.

Chou Chou: What do you like about your boyfriend? What attracts you to him?

Huo Feng Huang: My boyfriend is humorous, intelligent, and considerate. He’s steady, tolerant, meticulous, and being with him gives me a feeling of being cherished. His love is like a mountain, providing me with a sense of security.

Chou Chou: Do you like it when he holds you? If you do, do you prefer him holding you from the front or the back?

Huo Feng Huang: I like it when he holds me, especially when he embraces me from behind.

Chou Chou: Have you ever been jealous of anyone regarding his dad?

Huo Feng Huang: I’ve been jealous, jealous of his daughter. But regarding his wife, my boyfriend’s mom, I don’t feel jealousy; I only feel admiration.

Chou Chou: Do you imagine having more intimate contact with him? Such as kissing or having sex?

Huo Feng Huang: No, not that. But I often feel the impulse to put my hand in his, I really like his hands; they’re large and warm.

Chou Chou: What do you wish to do for him?

Huo Feng Huang: I hope I can achieve something and make him proud, not letting him down.

Chou Chou: Hehehe, no, hahaha.

Huo Feng Huang: Why are you laughing?

Chou Chou: You know, your love for him is paternal love, the love of a daughter for her father.

Huo Feng Huang: Are you sure?!

Chou Chou: Of course, you know I have a father. And, we have a good relationship. When I was young, my dad called me his little lover, and as I grew up, he called me his little cotton coat. The love between father and daughter is quite wonderful.

Huo Feng Huang: Are you really sure?

Chou Chou: Hehe, silly girl, love him well, like your own father. Also, a reminder, in front of a man in his forties or fifties, even the deepest young man can become shallow. Time is fair, so you must be fair too.

When Lin Xun and Yuntao were engaged, his parents, considering Lin Xun’s family background, were afraid of putting her in a difficult position. They only invited close relatives and some friends for the engagement. The gathering wasn’t large, but it was quite grand.

After the toasts, Lin Xun took a seat, holding a glass of deep red wine. Through the wine glass and past several unfamiliar faces, Lin Xun saw Yuntao’s parents bustling around. His dad wore a navy blue shirt, and the deep purple tie emphasized his stability and dignity. From today onwards, this person is my dad, Lin Xun thought.

In the past six months, Lin Xun accompanied Yuntao’s dad to the hospital twice, bought him countless servings of his favorite five-spice peanuts, and walked with him several times in the small garden downstairs. Moreover, Lin Xun naturally linked arms with him. Passersby thought they were father and daughter.

Lin Xun had consumed quite a bit of alcohol, feeling her face flush. It seemed like she could hear the sound of her heartbeat. People coming and going around her were offering words of congratulations, and there were children’s excited screams. These unfamiliar people would become my relatives in the future, Lin Xun thought as she looked around.

Resting her right hand on her cheek, Lin Xun felt a bit of a headache. In her intoxicated haze, she saw herself and Yuntao’s dad sitting on a swing.

“Dad, why do clouds in the sky fly?”

“Because they have wings that can change.”

“Dad, why is mustard green?”

“Because it’s a plant.”

“Dad, why do people cry?”

“Because we have love…”