Just Want to Be His Lover

Chapter 12.1

The voice was crisp, the tone was controlled, but the endnote seemed to be trembling uncontrollably, appearing somewhat nervous and feeble. The sounds of the rustling of bedsheets and a series of deep and light pants led one’s imagination to run. 

It was his own voice. 

Realising this, Gu Yanshu felt a flame coursing through his veins without warning, flowing from his ears to the rest of his body, absorbing all the oxygen in his body, burning till his mind was empty. His entire body was heated up, making him somewhat breathless. 

He could only rely on his instinct to handle things coldly. He nonchalantly picked up his phone and locked the screen, snuffing the R18 voices and images into the darkness. 

He then looked at Shen Jue, “I was surfing Weibo. My hand slipped.” 

His tone and expression was equally calm and indifferent. 

Only a faint blush on his neck, at the area above the collar of his T-shirt, was visible. Under the light, the redness travelled up to the tip of his ears. Appearing beneath the surface of his fair skin, he looked conspicuously alluring. 

Shen Jue couldn’t resist putting on a playful smile, “It turns out that Teacher Gu likes to surf these types of videos when he’s free.” 

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“R pll…”&dcpr;

Fbld Kwl eayttle vbl zypv osae, vbld dseele okvbswv pyukdt yduvbkdt lzpl.&dcpr;

Tl rwpble vbl olv byka sd bkp pbswzela clbkde, vbld vssj y awccla cyde yde nypwyzzu vkle kv kdvs y rsduvykz. Mbld, bl zlydle cynj sdvs vbl clepkel yde pvyavle rzyukdt okvb bkp rbsdl.&dcpr;

Rv oyp yp vbswtb bl oypd’v kdvldekdt sd yatwkdt qwavbla.&dcpr;&dcpr;

Qw Zydpbw sdzu altyaele kv yp Fbld Kwl qkdyzzu ynvkdt zkjl y altwzya bwxyd. Tl pktble caklqzu, vbld zyu esod, bkp cynj qynkdt Fbld Kwl, yp bl vakle vs ekppkryvl yzz vbl lxcyaayppxldv cu pzllrkdt.&dcpr;

Tsolhla, fwpv yp bl nshlale vbl czydjlv shla bkp pbswzela, vbl qyxkzkya cynjtaswde xwpkn aydt qasx clbkde bkx ytykd.&dcpr;

“The future us had everything, but there was no more ‘us’.” 


Gu Yanshu’s grip over the blanket suddenly froze. 

He realised that hoping for that man with the surname Shen to act like a human being was akin to expecting something from a dog. 

True enough, a minute later, a low voice could be heard, “Brother, be gentle. It hurts.” 

Gu Yanshu’s knuckles were white from his grip. 

Following that, a low and seductive coaxing that hadn’t been played just now suddenly sounded, “Be good. Bear with it. Bear with it, and it won’t hurt anymore.” 

Gu Yanshu gritted his shining white teeth so hard that his teeth were almost grounded. 

He wanted to pretend he didn’t hear anything and force himself to sleep, but Shen Jue’s comment travelled continuously over, “Ha! Turns out that you really pulled my clothes off before?” 


“And even touched my abs?” 


“And even kissed my face?” 


“And even dawdled on my bed, refusing to leave?”


“And even……” 

Fuck that even. 

Gu Yanshu couldn’t take it anymore. He turned around, “Shen Jue, what do you mean?” 

“I didn’t mean anything.” Shen Jue raised his brow as he looked at Gu Yanshu, appearing indifferent, “I was just casually scrolling through Weibo. What’s wrong?” 

How was that casual? 

It would be strange if he could casually surf and still click on that video. 

However, thinking back on his previous excuse, he couldn’t expose Shen Jue too, otherwise it would be a resounding faceslap on himself. 

Gu Yanshu was fuming internally. He wished that he could strangle his self from a few minutes back and the current Shen Jue to death together. 

There was an extreme layer of frost on his face. “I want to sleep. Stop moving about.” 

Shen Jue replied in a lazy tone, “Don’t be anxious. I will finish watching this in a couple of minutes. Tsk! So you used to like hugging me and crying in the past, that pitiful look… Oh? What are you doing?” 

Not only did Shen Jue catch him watching a couple video of them, Shen Jue had even found the original video and watched it in his face while repeating his shady history. 

Gu Yanshu had never been this embarrassed. 

Who knew what else there was in the video, and what other shameless things Shen Jue would say. He was shy yet furious, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He decidedly stood up to snatch Shen Jue’s phone away, to solve the matter with violence. 

Yet, Shen Jue’s reaction was extremely quick. He immediately pulled his arm back and avoided his attack. 

Gu Yanshu didn’t control his strength, so he slipped and fell directly on top of Shen Jue’s body. 

The burning body temperature had passed through the thin layer of cloth onto Shen Jue’s lukewarm skin, and his heart uncontrollably itched. 

Staring at Gu Yanshu’s crimson ears, he chuckled, “Gu Yanshu, tell me the truth. Are you lusting after my body?” 

What lust? 

How audacious. 

Gu Yanshu supported himself on the mattress as he tried to stand up, but he accidentally pressed onto Shen Jue’s sleeping robe. The silk cloth was extraordinarily smooth, so he fell back down again. 

Shen Jue used the opportunity to circle his arm around Gu Yanshu’s waist, showing a protective stance. 

Gu Yanshu slapped his hand away resolutely, “Don’t touch me.” 

He was as fierce as a cat scratching a human. 

Shen Jue raised his brow, “We have to be reasonable. Who was the one who touched the other person first?” 

Gu Yanshu showed a deadpan face. “If you weren’t looking at those nonsensical things, who would touch you?” 

“Who was the one who started watching those nonsensical things first?” 


Shen Jue felt that reason was on his end. He then used the chance to secretly take advantage of Gu Yanshu, even though he seemed as though he wasn’t going to let Gu Yanshu off with his lecturing. “Moreover, our actions are upright, what’s wrong with watching a humorous video and joking about it? Do you have to resort to this? Are you that petty?” 

Actions are upright, watching a humorous video, joking about it.  

It was as though this should be the normal attitude that most male celebrities should have when they were shipped by others.

He was the one who had overreacted. 

Gu Yanshu resumed his frigid tone, “Aren’t you homophobic?” 

Shen Jue retorted, “Then, are you gay?” 

There was a short pause. 

“No,” Gu Yanshu spat, then climbed up from Shen Jue’s body. 

Shen Jue lazily leaned back onto the bedside. His eyelids were lowered, and the obsidian eyes hid all his emotions. “Then that’s it. However, since you’re not gay, you should stop looking at Weibo users like XiaoShenXiaoGuTianShengYiDui. Otherwise, you’ll blame me again when I start overthinking matters.” 

Xiao Shen Xiao Gu Tian Shen Yi Dui. 

Who knew where this silly and rich spendthrift had come from? Of all things, this user had even chosen to mimic a BE couple, causing him to be in this sorry state. 

Gu Yanshu was unfriendly. “Don’t worry. I’m going to report this ID now.” 


“The user is involved in spreading obscene materials and untruths.” 


Gu Yanshu impassively went back to bed and covered himself with the blanket without looking at Shen Jue anymore. 

Shen Jue retracted his gaze, then stared at his secondary ID for three seconds. 

He then relished that delicate feeling when his hand had circled someone’s lean waist and his fingers had touched his skin. 

He sighed. 

He wanted to post truly erotic material, but the problem was, he needed to make them first. 

However, someone’s reaction….

No matter what, it seemed more of coyness than fury. 

Would regular straight men have such a reaction? 

Shen Jue felt that his decision to brazenly film this show was right. It seemed as though the outcome might be better than what he had imagined. 

Hence, be it a beating, a scolding, or a report, so be it. 

So long as one day, he could turn the untruth into the truth. 

Shen Jue was pleased as he logged out of the account “XiaoShenXiaoGuTianShengYiDui”, then turned off the light and said softly, “Goodnight.” 

In the next bed, the arrogant Xiao Gu didn’t reply. 

In the quiet room, all he could hear was the clear sound of his increasing heartbeat, and even when Shen Jue’s calm and stable breathing could be heard, his pulse didn’t decrease. 

Gu Yanshu’s back was against Shen Jue, but his mind was filled with that line, “Brother, be gentle. It hurts,” and Shen Jue’s “Be good, bear with it. Bear with it and it won’t hurt anymore.” 

Of course, he wouldn’t report that Weibo user. 

Although he didn’t really understand why there was a need to ship a couple, he felt that everyone had the right to their own fantasies. Moreover, this video wasn’t even erotic, nor was it untrue. 

Because they had actually said those words before, and did those things before. 

Back then, the group had just been formed, so the company had filmed a variety show for them. The filming ran almost 24/7, unlike the current show where they could turn off their mics and cover the cameras when they argued, hence quite a number of such ambiguous scenes had been released. 

That time when he said it hurt was probably during the relapse of his leg injury. Shen Jue would help him apply medicine and do stretches everyday, and when it was really painful, he would act coquettishly in front of Shen Jue. 

Even though back then, he didn’t feel like he was acting like that. 

However, hearing this after a few years, the feelings of ambiguity and trust couldn’t be hidden. 

And in his memory, someone as bad-tempered as Shen Jue could actually be this patient and indulgent, and his tone could even be described as pampering and coaxing. 

Shen Jue had truly treated him really well in the past. 

So well that everyone felt that they had already bypassed the friendship between teammates. 

So well that back then, he developed a desire that he shouldn’t have. 

Yet, a desire could only remain a desire. 

Just as Shen Jue said, the reason why he didn’t mind those videos was because he knew that he didn’t like men. 

As the thoughts ran through his mind, his consciousness became blurry. Gu Yanshu felt someone hugging him from behind. The familiar mixed scent of fir and wormwood enveloped him, together with a familiar body temperature, familiar touch of muscles, as though the scenes in the video spread inch by inch across his body. 

And then, he plunged into darkness. Amidst the darkness, there was a ray of light that shone upon them, moving closer to them, probing them, and just when the four lips were going to touch, the darkness suddenly turned to light. The entire world was exposed under the glaring light, and he couldn’t see anything else. 

Next, a heart-wrenching scream from a woman could be heard, and before he could make out what the woman was yelling, Gu Yanshu was suddenly shoved away, falling straight into a deep abyss. That abrupt weightlessness and fear caused him to jolt awake. 

He sat up abruptly, panting heavily. When he turned around, he saw Shen Jue sleeping soundly in the next bed. 

He lay flat on the bed, and one leg was bent. The back of his palm covered his face, the shadow converging with the outline of his face at his black fringe. 

Only a corner of the thin blanket lay loosely on his waist, while the rest of the blanket had slid off the bed and onto the carpet. His sleeping robe was slack, revealing those smooth and beautiful lines on his muscular chest. 

With the cold moonlight from outside, everything appeared perfect. 

And he had actually dreamt about being intertwined with this body. 

Gu Yanshu looked down and buried his head in his palm, before taking a deep breath. 

He must be crazy. 

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dazedcherry [Translator]

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1 Comment

  1. Bambootriangle

    Gu Yanshu has problems u_u I do wonder if it’s perhaps his family that hurt him and now he doesn’t trust anymore