The Eleventh Song – 《I GUESS I’M IN LOVE》

On my fourth day of knowing Lu Chengze, I took the initiative to kiss him at the entrance of an avenue in the glow of the setting sun.

After returning home, I regretted it. I felt I had been too impulsive. I was trying to jump a grade, speed up the process of us becoming closer. But I didn’t know him at all. Wasn’t that the case? I only knew his profession, his appearance, his car model, and that he was very good at making conversation.
Whether or not he liked me or whether or not he was sincere, I didn’t know any of that. Would my recklessness make him wonder, ‘What’s the matter with this woman?’ And would he become guarded and back off because of this?

The scene from before our separation filled my mind. All I could see was his flushed face and the sensation of my finger resting on his lips. I began to imagine what it would be like if we were to kiss with more force.

How would that feel?

I tossed and turned, and my whole body felt hot. I brought my hands to my face. A little later, I picked up the phone and looked at our message history. After we had gone our separate ways, we talked for a while, but it was all everyday talk, avoiding that natural but rash kiss.

When I came back from Guangniu, I didn’t return to the company. Instead, I had been lying down here up until now. A flexible work schedule had given me time to think behind closed doors after my crazy move.
But reflection was a matter for saints and Buddhas, and I didn’t have to gild myself.¹[1] This means to develop one’s spiritual self or practice Buddhism.

I was soon faced with a call from Lu Chengze as I was still struggling with my internal conflict. He took the initiative to dial my phone and the sound of the wind filled my ears faster than his voice.

He called me right after getting off work. This discovery made me laugh.

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“Gal usw pvkzz swv?” R ypjle.
Tl bye y rzlyple vsdl: “Yx, R fwpv tsv sqq osaj.”

R zsolale xu rbsdl vs nblnj vbl vkxl: “Rv’p yzxspv volzhl s’nzsnj.”
Nw Ubldtgl pyke: “Mbyv’p aktbv.”
R ralvldele vs cl ekpclzklhkdt: “Zsw yald’v tskdt vs oyzj bsxl ytykd, yal usw?”
Nw Ubldt pyke: “R nyd byhl y zsdtla nsdhlapyvksd okvb usw kq R oyzj bsxl.”

R alnzkdle sd vbl rkzzso, csvb xldvyzzu yde rbupknyzzu alzymle: “El nyd nbyv shla vbl rbsdl yqvla usw tlv bsxl. Mbyv oyu…”
Tl kdvlaawrvle xl okvbswv zlvvkdt xl qkdkpb xu lmrzydyvksd: “Ls, zlv’p vyzj dso.”

Yu nblpv valxczle qklanlzu qsa y xsxldv clnywpl sq bkp osaep: “Elzz, es yp usw rzlypl. R’x dsv vbl sdl obs’p nsze yde bwdtau swvpkel.”
Tl tyhl y zso zywtb.

Mblal oyp y xsxldvyau pkzldnl kd vbl alnlkhla. Xdzu vbl pswde sq vbl okde czsokdt cu nswze cl blyae.

G qlo plnsdep rypple clqsal Nw Ubldtgl qkdyzzu cltyd prlyjkdt: “Ck Ykys.”
Yl: “Yx.”
“Mseyu, sd vbl oyu cynj,” bl alnswdvle pzsozu, pllxkdtzu nsdpkelakdt obyv oswze cl vbl xspv yrrasrakyvl osaep: “R eked’v prlyj, es usw alxlxcla?”
R zlv swv y “Yx” kd alprsdpl.
“Rv oyp clnywpl, R oyp vbkdjkdt vbaswtbswv vbl ldvkal oyzj cynj, ‘Fbswze R bsze uswa byde?’ yde kd vbl lde, vbl alpwzv…”
Tl zywtble swv zswe yde pyke ds xsal.

Yu qynkyz lmralppksd pbsole xu elpkal vs alqwvl bkp osaep: “Ebyv’p vbl xyvvla, kv’p y tkhld vbyv Fkpvla kp y zkvvzl xsal yolpsxl.”
Tkp qsnwp kp sd xu vkvzl qsa xuplzq: “Fkpvla?”
R pyke, “Zsw rascyczu esd’v jdso ulv, cwv R’x sdl ulya szela vbyd usw.”
“Xdl ulya szela kp dsvbkdt,” Nw Ubldt’p vsdl sq prllnb nswze lypkzu xyjl bkp pxkzl yrrlya kd vbl svbla rlapsd’p xkde: “R byhl yd lyazu ckavbeyu.”
R ypjle: “Tso lyazu?”
Tl nswdvle pzsozu: “Kydwyau… Wlcawyau… Yyanb… Yyanb.”
R xsnjle: “Eso——obyv yd lyazu ckavbeyu.”
Tl pyke: “Rv’p yv zlypv kd vbl qkapv byzq sq vbl ulya. Yyucl ol oldv kdvs jkdelatyavld yv vbl pyxl tayel.”

Gqvla bl pyke vbkp, R cltyd hkpwyzkgkdt bso bl nswze byhl zssjle yp y nbkze. Eswze bl byhl clld zkjl vbl “rsoelale nyahle fyel”²[2] Rv lppldvkyzzu xlydp clywvkqwz yde okvb qyka yde nzlya pjkd. obknb oyp sqvld elpnakcle kd dshlzp? Rv oyp y xupvlau ulv yv vbl pyxl vkxl, kv prlzzle essx qsa xl. Mbkp xyd’p zkql oyp ycswv vs clnsxl y clywvkqkle qydvypu vbyv R nswzed’v blzr cwv srld wr. Vzydvp nswze dsv zkhl yryav qasx dwvakldvp, fwpv yp R nswze dsv fwetl yde valyv bkx okvb y ayvksdyz rlaprlnvkhl yjkd vs vbyv sq Qse.

My thoughts returned to his words about wanting to hold my hand. It turned out that I was not the only one who had been struggling to decide whether or not to take action. I had a bold and presumptuous imagination, and I was eager to put it into practice.
At this moment I was elated and pleased with myself: “Then, why didn’t you end up holding my hand.”
Lu Chengze’s voice was sincere: “We didn’t stand very close, and our hands didn’t even touch once. It felt like it would be improper.”

I said: “But I wasn’t thinking too deeply about my actions, even when I went looking for you.”
Lu Cheng said: “So I regret it now.”

He was always very meticulous in choosing words. It was not remorse, nor was it annoyance, but regret.

I broke into laughter and comforted him: “It’s okay, didn’t you get to hold my hand before we parted ways?”

Lu Cheng didn’t reply to my statement. Instead, he asked me, “Have you moved?”
I froze for a moment: “Why would I move?”
He said, “You’re still living at the place where I picked you up on Sunday?”
I said: “Yeah.”

He was silent for a few seconds: “I’m almost there.”

Upon hearing those words, I nearly sprang off the bed: “You’re coming over?”

“Yes, can I meet you? Just meet,” he said this calmly, not demanding, nor begging pitifully. It seemed as if it wouldn’t matter if he was rejected. He had most likely already arrived at his destination and was looking for a safe place: “The convenience store at the gate of your community is not closed and there are people.”

I scratched my forehead: “Give me a few minutes.”

When I walked into the night, I felt the flowers and plants in the wind cheering for my fortelling. How amazing was I. I had a feeling that Lu Chengze would come to visit me today, so after returning home, I didn’t do what I usually would—— which was to take off my makeup and bathe the moment I returned home, returning to my rough and sloppy state. It was also because when I got into the back seat of the taxt, I could read it from Lu Chengze’s eyes. There was unfinished business between us and it had to be settled before daylight came.

When I arrived at the gate of the community, I was already out of breath.

Lu Cheng stood outside the convenience store, half in the light and half in the shadows, still carrying the same bag he had in the morning.

We discovered each other almost at the same time and then walked towards each other simultaneously. I thought about how to start the conversation on the way over, both playful openers and caring openers, but they didn’t matter anymore. The moment he stopped, he took my face in both hands and kissed me.

My back was half numb, my calves were weak, and Lu Chengze’s hormones were like a potent aphrodisiac perfume, overwhelming the other person in fierce waves and leaving them lost in him. My hands couldn’t help but wander over on his shoulders, neck, cheeks, and hair, indulging in his hot breath, hot body, and hot lips.

We were stuck close to each other, as if we were at the bottom of the sea, as if our breath would stop.

When our kiss ended, we didn’t separate immediately. He remained very close, close enough to kiss again at any moment. He smiled and said softly: “My heart is finally relieved.”
I also smiled because of his strange description: “What’s wrong with your heart?”
“I don’t know, I worried about it all night.”

He raised his eyelids and glanced behind me: “You probably also have cameras at the gate of your community.”
I curved the corners of my mouth, no, they were curved from the beginning, but now it curved even more: “Probably.”
He asked: “Will it affect your interactions within your community?”
“No,” I shook my head: “Everyone will envy me, envy that there is a handsome guy who rushes over in the middle of the night just to kiss me.”
He frowned: “Why didn’t I understand that in the afternoon?”
I said: “Because that one year age difference between us wasn’t in vain.”
Hearing that, he let out a very beautiful smile, a close-up view that only played in my eyes.

At the entrance of the convenience store, I invited Lu Chengze to eat some cup noodles. It was close to one in the morning when I slowly strolled down the stairs with him. Lu Cheng hugged me for a little before leaving. Before he disappeared into the night, he turned his head back around a total of three times. And every time, our eyes would meet through the dark and we would smile.

After I went back up the stairs and walked through the door, I didn’t bother to take off my shoes and sent him a message via WeChat while standing behind the door, asking if he had gotten a taxi.
He replied with: Yes.

My mind was shaken and I was eager to share: When I was standing in the elevator just now, there was a song playing in my mind.
He asked: What was it? I’ll listen to it on my way back.

I replied: I GUESS I’M IN LOVE.
I found the song in my playlist and shared it in our chat,treating music as our language.

I said: The title of the song is how I feel now. What about you? Do you think this way as well?

Lu Chengze’s answer made me want to call him back this instant and give him a long kiss.

He said: I would think the first two words are a bit redundant.

The author has something to say:
I created a playlist on NetEase Cloud when I opened the article, and a reader helped create a playlist in QQ Music ³[3] QQ Music is a Chinese freemium music streaming service.(thank you so much). The name of the playlist is the name of this novel. If you are interested, you can search for and listen to it.
Regarding the progress, some people prefer love at first sight, and some people prefer gradually falling in love, but I personally think that love has nothing to do with speed, speed is not equal to fast food, and slow is not equal to tenderness. Love exists at the moment and every moment it occurs. Don’t complicate love.

Translator:

Woohoo I remembered to post! I’m reluctantly dragging myself out of the mire called, “lazy holiday bum.”

Index:

[1] This means to develop one’s spiritual self or practice Buddhism.

[2] It essentially means beautiful and with fair and clear skin.

[3] QQ Music is a Chinese freemium music streaming service.