4

“That morning, after he left, I burned the paper to ashes atop a lighter. I didn’t dare to even look too closely at the handwriting on it.”

The young man with shining blue eyes looked at him quietly.

“Why?”

“Because two days ago, my doctor had just given me news of having liver cancer. It’s terminal. I had about three months left, or six months at best.” Jørgen told him. Of course, my doctor recommended I go to San Marco Hospital for further examination and treatment. But the result was almost certain. I had a cousin on my father’s side who died from liver cancer. I know it advances very quickly. There’s a good probability that in one to two weeks I would become immobile on the hospital bed. So before moving into the hospital, I decided to take a trip home first. That was why I was leaving Frankfurt at the end of November.”

Jan’s eyes widened and said, “This was the reason? Just because you thought you were going to die, you didn’t even have the courage to make a call to him?”

Jørgen looked at him and thought this youngster most likely couldn’t understand his feelings.

He spoke. “If our relationship was that of passing lovers, then I would have invited him to stay at my villa in Hannover for a few days or even longer. Perhaps until my body was incapacitated. However, he is the lover I have dreamed of for so long, the kind of great love*¹*German große Liebe, the literal translation is great love. Colloquially used to show the seriousness of the matter, how sincere they are in their love.

T/N: Ahem, quick interruption if you don’t mind. I’ve deliberated on this for quite a few years myself and to be honest, I still don’t quite understand it. Perhaps this is because I’m a single dog who hasn’t ever had a deep relationship? Anyways, I just wanted to share a quote I came upon while trying to figure out whether to translate this as great love, deep love, or true love.

“Soulmates aren’t the ones who make you happiest, no. They’re instead the ones who make you feel the most. Burning edges and scars and stars. Old pangs, captivation and beauty. Strain and shadows and worry and yearning. Sweetness and madness and dreamlike surrender. They hurl you into the abyss. They taste like hope.” — Victoria Erikson. which only comes around once or twice in your life. ——Moreover, I’m sure he harbors the same feelings for me. Therefore, it was impossible for me to let him watch me pass away.”

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Kyd’p nzlya czwl lulp okeldle lhld xsal. Tl vbld vsze bkx, “Xze qlzzso, yald’v usw lmyttlayvkdt vss xwnb? Zsw sdzu jdlo Syzrb qsa zlpp vbyd y eyu. Ebyv jkde sq talyv zshl yal usw vyzjkdt ycswv? Qalyv plm kp xsal zkjl kv.”

Køatld xyel yd lmralppksd obknb oyp nzspl vs y pxkzl, vbswtb vbl zssj kd bkp lulp oyp xlzydnbszkn.

“R yx vbkavu-qkhl vbkp ulya,” bl pyke. “Gv xu ytl, R yx qyxkzkya okvb kxrwzpkhl elpkal yde vbl jkde sq lvladyz zshl obknb okzz qzswakpb clvolld vos rlsrzl yp zsdt yp usw yal okzzkdt vs rwv y zkvvzl lqqsav kdvs kv——yde vbl ekqqlaldnl clvolld vbl vos.

Kyd zlydle cynj sd vbl cynj sq vbl plyv, pyukdt, “Xb. Mbld obyv ycswv dso? Ebu yal usw zssjkdt qsa bkx dso?”

Køatld pxkzle ckvvlazu qsa y xsxldv.

Vzyu – Ózyqwa Gadyzep – Yykd Mblxl

“Jlnywpl fwpv yp R yaakhle kd Tyddshla, xu esnvsa nyzzle vs yrszstkgl, vlzzkdt xl bl bye tkhld xl vbl oasdt alpwzvp. Tkp plnalvyau bye xkmle wr ydsvbla ryvkldv’p qkzl okvb xkdl.”

Kyd lmnzykxle, “Pyxd! Wsa usw vs byhl tsdl vbaswtb vbkp jkde sq pkvwyvksd, pbswze usw cl nsdpkelale zwnju sa wdzwnju?”

Jørgen remained quiet for a while.

Then he spoke up. “I feel my experiences these past few days were like a third-rate soap opera. You’d scoff at it when seeing it on television. On one side you’d add cheese to your sandwich and on the other side, you’d say, ‘What kind of boring plot is this?’ But when it happens in reality, to yourself no less, you’d think that these events are very important. Every plot shift would shake your soul or make your heart and lungs ache.”

“I flew back to Frankfurt and searched like mad everywhere for my Ralph. But he wasn’t anywhere. I checked the traveler list for that day and the day after. His name wasn’t listed there. He wasn’t listed in the telephone book. He wasn’t listed in the graduate directory of Goethe University Frankfurt. He wasn’t even in the residence registration records of the entire State of Hesse.”

“Hey, how are you able to see the residence registration records of the entire State of Hesse?”

Jørgen hesitated a moment before telling him, “I hired a hacker.”

Jan whistled before responding. “Wealthy people really can do as they please. ——All right, you realized he gave you an alias. And then?”

Jørgen told him, “Then I sat here. Waiting for him to come find me.”

Pause – Ólafur Arnalds – Main Theme

“I’ll say, what makes you think he’ll come looking for you? Seeing as how he lied to you from the start.”

Jørgen tranquilly replied, “I also lied to him. From what I told him, only my name was real. My last name and number were both fabricated. ——At the time, I only hoped he would think of me as a fickle lover and that this spell of time in his trip was merely a fleeting moment of great sex.

Jan said, “Perhaps your wish came true. Perhaps he had long forgotten you.”

Play – Ólafur Arnalds – Arcade

Jørgen replied with, “Perhaps”

He dropped his head down and took a drag of the e-cigarette, inhaling deeply.

“But as far as I’m concerned, there is no other option. I can only stay here. I can only wait for him. ——Wait for him to hand down my Last Judgement.”

He contemplated this for a moment, then said. “Were it possible, I would be willing to sell my soul in exchange for experiencing that night all over again.”

In a low voice, he uttered that one famous line.

„Zum Augenblicke dürft’ ich sagen: Verweile doch, du bist so schön!“ **²**Line comes from Faust. In part two, when Mephistopholes is digging a grave for Faust, he sighs with sorrow. The literal translation is: “To the moment I’d like to say: Stay awhile, you are so beautiful!” (In China, it is usually translated or quoted as “How beautiful life is, please stop for a while.”) ——Faust spoke these words and the devil received his soul as per their agreement. (Of course, his soul was later saved by angels. What a bunch of dishonest guys!)

The person across from him turned silent. After a long while, only silence remained in this waiting area.

…In the end, it was still Jan who broke the silence.

“Although I think you’re very hateful and are using your age as an excuse, but the last two lines you mentioned, uh, Faust, I liked them very much,” he said.

“I have decided to apologize to you now. A little while ago, I lied to you. Of course I know the individual called Ralph.”

Pause – Ólafur Arnalds – Arcade

Play – Ólafur Arnalds – Tunglið

He watched Jørgen. Unlike what he had expected, Jørgen didn’t leap out of his seat, cry out, or anything similar. Instead, he appeared to be unperturbed. “Please tell me. Everything.”

However, Jan noticed the trembling in his knees.

He cleared his throat before saying, “First, Ralph Meyer is his real name. He never told a single lie to you. As for the reason why you couldn’t find him listed anywhere, that would be because he accidentally entered a very dark and violent organization. This organization has gathered many capable, intelligent young people and enslaved them, exploiting their blood and sweat, breaking their bones and sucking dry their marrow, keeping them in the dark, never to see the light of day and from thereon their names will never appear in any publicly accessible place.”

Jørgen looked at him tensely. “Are you talking about an organization similar to the Italian mafia?”

“Oh, of course not. The organization I’m talking about is Bundesamt für irdische Sicherheit und übernatürliche Phänomene, BIS.” Jan gave a pleasant smile. “You must have never heard of this name. But, you’ll be hearing it sooner or later. ——The people who work in it call it Das Institut, in reality, it is also a research institute. Ralph, Theo, the one with facial paralysis that you just met before, and I all work there.”

Jørgen spoke with astonishment. “You aren’t the police?”

“Yes and no. I have a police ID. Would you like to see it?” Jan replied offhandedly. “However, the security issues we handle aren’t typical ones. ——Forget it, there’s no need to share all this with you. In any case, there’s only one thing you want to know right now.”

He stopped and looked on with satisfaction at seeing Jørgen’s arms following his knees’ example, both trembling. Then, as if stretching, his arm unfolded, pointing at two people in the distance who were walking towards them. The person in the front was very tall and wore a long gray overcoat. Behind him was a blond young man.

Jørgen’s eyes followed in the direction his finger was pointing and turned his head around; his breath came to a stop.

“Look, Mephistopheles is here, along with your Helen***³***From part two of Faust. The devil brought Helen, the peerless beauty of Troy, to Faust and made her his wife..” Jan cheerfully let out.

“——Are you prepared to trade in your soul?”

Author Notes:

*German große Liebe, the literal translation is great love. Colloquially used to show the seriousness of the matter, how sincere they are in their love.

Translator Note:

Ahem, quick interruption if you don’t mind. I’ve deliberated on this for quite a few years myself and to be honest, I still don’t quite understand it. Perhaps this is because I’m a single dog who hasn’t ever had a deep relationship? Anyways, I just wanted to share a quote I came upon while trying to figure out whether to translate this as great love, deep love, or true love.

“Soulmates aren’t the ones who make you happiest, no. They’re instead the ones who make you feel the most. Burning edges and scars and stars. Old pangs, captivation and beauty. Strain and shadows and worry and yearning. Sweetness and madness and dreamlike surrender. They hurl you into the abyss. They taste like hope.”

Victoria Erikson

**Line comes from Faust. In part two, when Mephistopholes is digging a grave for Faust, he sighs with sorrow. The literal translation is: “To the moment I’d like to say: Stay awhile, you are so beautiful!” (In China, it is usually translated or quoted as “How beautiful life is, please stop for a while.”) ——Faust spoke these words and the devil received his soul as per their agreement. (Of course, his soul was later saved by angels. What a bunch of dishonest guys!)

***From part two of Faust. The devil brought Helen, the peerless beauty of Troy, to Faust and made her his wife.