CHAPTER 50

After hanging out with Gu Yan for almost the entire night, I am honestly a bit overwhelmed. It’s just early in the morning and I already look mentally exhausted, not to mention the vague pain I can feel in my lower limbs and waist.

I am now sitting next to Gu Yan while eating, rubbing my astringent eyes from time to time. Although the meal in front of me is very rich, I have no appetite at all.

The atmosphere in the Absolute Wing Hall on Freedom Day seems very different. It’s very noisy and lively, and the prisoners seem very excited. Noises coming from time to time from a large group of prisoners who gather together; the prisoners in charge of the kitchen are also very noisy. To celebrate the birthday of the Curator, they must provide meals today without interruption (as ordered by Xue LuoYi) so that all prisoners can come and eat whenever they want to, it truly is very busy. In addition, perhaps because it is too hectic, I heard that something seems to have been lost in the kitchen, and the prisoners are searching through various parts of the kitchen looking for it. The situation is even more chaotic.

—However, to me, whether it is Freedom Day or any special day, it doesn’t seem to be any different than a normal day.

Gui Shang is still being chase by Yaren all over the hall today as usual, but what gives him a special headache is that Yaren has the whole day to spend with him, because the prison guards are not working today; Teal almost lived in the Dining Hall today, devouring plate after plate with luxurious meals than the usual; as for Cang Wu, he accompanies Tian Hai as usual, and I hardly see them separate; Li and Josh, on the other hand, are nowhere to be found.

Whether it’s other people or me and Gu Yan, is there any difference? I can’t see it at all—

Freedom Day only has the name “freedom”, and the prisoners are only temporarily liberated outside their small cages into a large one. Their foolish eagerness makes me feel sad for them— or perhaps I feel sorry for myself who can’t feel even a strand of that excitement.

After breakfast and until the evening, Gu Yan almost always drags me to stay with him, reading books with him, watching him practicing piano, occasionally being enveloped in his arms, being teased by him like a spoiled pet, and casually talking about anything— it’s no different from the usual.

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—It starts to snow unexpectedly.

“Well… Snow with fireworks, that’s something new and worth seeing.” Gu Yan’s eyes never abandon the night sky, and with his sudden movements, he pats me and points upwards, “Look, it’s about to start.”

I follow the direction that Gu Yan is pointing to. Amidst the drizzling snow, the gray-black night sky instantly bursts with dazzling, red flames, so dazzling— and without stopping, the second and third, green, blue, and mixed colors, all melt into a very rare and magnificent scene within the white snow falling.

It is indeed breathtaking… But I do not have the heart to appreciate it.

I look at the white palm that intertwines with mine— since when has it become like this?

Getting along with Gu Yan has become as natural as breathing and drinking water, so natural that it confuses me since when we became like this. Without Gu Yan, I will feel anxious and at a loss, but as long as I have him by my side, I will feel at ease.

Shouldn’t I be resentful and angry and resisting? Shouldn’t I feel sick and uncomfortable?

—How does it become like this?

Sourness and bitterness, like the fireworks in the sky, explode and spread in my heart.

—Brother, don’t you want me anymore?

In the dream, Xiao Cheng’s voice is once again whispering in my ears, but I know Xiao Cheng has never said this to me… Rather, it’s a voice coming from my inner depths; if this continues, if I live in the same way as Gu Yan, will I forget Xiao Cheng and leave her behind?

I can’t leave her alone.

—But what about him?

Gu Yan’s white coat and the snowy white surroundings seem to have been vaguely merging. Like a pure and natural color on a canvas, the orange-red hair akin to a flame, blazing bright and clear, so conspicuous that it cannot be ignored.

—But I’m afraid that if this continues, I will really forget Xiao Cheng.

“Gu Yan…” The warm air of fog blows out like a powder snow with my heavy tone.

“Hmm?” Gu Yan turns his head and misses a firework that blooms behind him.

“Let me leave the prison, I need to go back.”

The corners of Gu Yan’s slightly raised lips stiffens, and his pair of turquoise pupils widen in shock at first, but then replaced by a piercingly-cold gaze, like a lake in summer that has suddenly frozen.

“Don’t make this kind of joke with me.” Gu Yan’s expression drops into a freezing point.

“I’m not joking with you, I have to go home.”

“No, you can’t leave!” Gu Yan grips my hand tightly, inflicting pain on me from his overwhelming strength. “Why are you still talking about leaving now?”

“Xiao Cheng needs me, I must go back because I am her brother! The only family she has! I’m just going home for a while, then I’ll be back…”

“You say you will come back?” Gu Yan shakes off my hand, his face expressionless, his exquisite face appearing very cold. “You dare to say that after you go home, you won’t have the thought of running away and wanting to never come back in Absolute Wing Hall! If I do let you go, can you guarantee that you’ll actually come back?”

“I—”

Can I guarantee it? If I can really go out of Absolute Wing Hall, would I want to come back? With my deep hatred for this place…

Bowing down at the hand that was shook off by Gu Yan, for a moment, I have the urge to reach back and hold his hand, but I don’t do so.

“Wolf, I have given you the opportunity to see your sister. That’s already the limit of freedom I could give you,” Gu Yan indifferently grunts. His contemptuous look gives me the illusion of going back to the time and place where I first met him.

“But Gu Yan, Xiao Cheng really needs me, I can’t let her down!”

“What about me! So you can bear to let me down?” Gu Yan’s words faintly disperse amidst the explosion of fireworks.

—Wolf, are you going to throw me away?

The words in the dream overlap with the words in reality, they obviously mean different things… Yet it all makes my heart wrench in pain.

—Xiao Cheng, Gu Yan, Xiao Cheng…

“It was you who brought me into the Absolute Wing Hall because of your own selfishness! Why are you asking this of me now?” Every word that comes out of my mouth makes me wallow in regret. “I have no obligation to you! Gu Yan! You are nobody to me!”

Why do I feel remorse? I shouldn’t be regretting every word I said! Everything I said is just the truth, the truth…

Gu Yan is silent, still expressionless, but his green glazed eyes reveal an expression that I have never seen before, a look that I do not know how to describe… I only know that a very heavy sense of guilt is welling up from the depths of my heart.

We stare at each other for a long time, until Gu Yan first removes his gaze away from me.

“Wolf, even if I let you go, the government, the state, and Xue LuoYi will not let you go.” Gu Yan turns around, his tall and slim body casting a long shadow on the snow as the splendor atmosphere of the fireworks above us is all trampled under my feet.

“Gu Yan!” I call out to him as he walks away from me, my outstretched hand catching in an empty space.

“Get your ass back to your dorm, tonight, I don’t want to see you.” Gu Yan’s tone no longer contains the warmth it has before, without any affection, like ice crystals floating in the icy air.

The slender figure of Gu Yan’s departing back appears to be particularly lonely under the brilliant fireworks.

Translator: Happy Hearts Day everyone! Too bad it just so happen that our family’s YanLang (YanWolf) is not in the mood for this day ‘U_U’ *cries in Wolfish*