“Xue Luoyi is really an assh*le!” Yaren exclaims as he sits on a swivel chair at the desk with his legs crossed.
“Stop complaining,” I utter.
“How can I not complain? I obviously helped him organize the files on the first floor yesterday, yet now I’m arrested to sort out the documents again!”
But the person who is working is only me, not you.
I couldn’t help but look at Yaren in vain.
After the lunch break, there is a gap before supper for us prison guards to steal. Today, however, Yaren and I were suddenly summoned by Xue Luoyi to one of his separate floors, which is a record room, and drove us to arrange some files there.
The record room on the second floor is crammed with rows of bookshelves, and the aisle in the center is quite narrow. Only the area behind the door with desks and chairs is somewhat spacious. But we can, at the very least, still bear to work there. The other aisles are just wide enough for individuals to pass sideways.
With stacks of paperwork as high as my height on both my left and right sides, I continue to concentrate on classifying the files. In actual fact, I’m the only one who has begun to sort out the information up until now. Yaren, who is seated cross legs across from me, is only instructing me what to do.
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Yaren’s personality makes people feel a little frivolous. Some of his traits are more or less similar to Teal’s. But, compared to Teal’s juvenile and mischievous nature, Yaren has the cunning of an adult, and he is the most difficult person to deal with in certain ways.
But I don’t despise Yaren. On the contrary, I admire his loose and uninhibited demeanor. Perhaps, because of my more restrained personality, but I occasionally envy the lifestyle of people like Yaren.
The only thing I dislike about Yaren is that he constantly teases me with Gu Yan.
“Don’t make fun of me.” I retort as my face frowns.
“I’m not joking, I think Gu Yan kind of loves you. You don’t know how envious I am, if only Gui Shang could kiss and love me like that! But he doesn’t even care about me.” Yaren puts his hands over his heart, looking very heartbroken.
“I’m not kissing and cuddling around with Gu Yan.”
I slam documents on the table in annoyance, startling Yaren by the loud noise as he stares at me with his brown eyes wide open.
“Haha, don’t be mad, I don’t mean any harm…” Yaren laughs awkwardly a few times.
“Yaren, you simply don’t understand anything!” I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But thinking about how Gu Yan treated me yesterday, and now listening to Yaren tease me about the relationship between me and Gu Yan, I feel so angry that I couldn’t stop yelling like a hail of bullets are being shot. “You’re not me! You have no idea how painful it is for me to live under Gu Yan’s shadow every day! Gu Yan wants me to cling to him, and Teal was also convincing me to cling to Gu Yan, and now you’re attempting to persuade me as well?”
“Why do I have to rely on Gu Yan!” I yell hysterically, almost howling with rage.
I know I’m on the verge of giving in, but I can’t let go of what little dignity I have left. Yet no matter who it is, whether it’s Gu Yan, Teal, or anybody else, they are constantly trying to shake the remaining little bit of willpower left in my heart.
“Calm down, little lamb, I didn’t mean it…”
Yaren hurriedly tries to console me, but my fury has already blinded me.
“I don’t live for Gu Yan!” I continue to shout at Yaren, as if I’m dumping all of my pent-up and overflowing emotions on him over the past few months.
I accidentally sweep away some of the files on the table, yet Yaren, facing me who is throwing all my raging emotions as if I am dumping garbage, doesn’t exhibit any emotional fluctuation on his face. He just silently stands up and squats down, one by one picking up the scattered papers on the floor and placing them back on the table.
“Alas…” Yaren sighs softly and lifts his gentle and clean white face with unknown emotion in his brown eyes, similar to pity, but with a touch of mockery. “But little lamb, aren’t you only alive today because of Gu Yan?”
Yaren’s words completely extinguished all my immensely overflowing emotions all at once.
The issue may be traced back to Teal’s comments from yesterday. Even though I don’t want to admit it and no matter how unwilling I am, the only way for me to survive within the Absolute Wing Hall without being tormented is to stay sheltered underneath Gu Yan’s enormous wings. However, I still refuse to accept the fact that I am being protected by Gu Yan.
“Little lamb, you must embrace the truth that you are now living under Gu Yan’s protection . It will make things a lot easier for you.” Yaren says gently, softly smiling at me.
I stare at him in silence.
This again? Even Yaren is now undeniably persuading me.
“Within the Absolute Wing Hall, everyone has their own way of living. You are different from me, or Teal and Cang Wu. Teal, he has been in the Absolute Wing Hall longer than any of us prison guards. His harmless appearance is merely a mask for his powerful and ruthless character as well as his very strong and authoritative background. He has the ability to rely solely on his own strength in this prison, which is why he can coexist with that guy Li in one piece.”
“I’m in the same situation as Teal. As for Cang Wu, he is here because Tian Hai likes him, and to a certain extent, Tian Hai’s feelings for Cang Wu have even developed into a dearly feeling called ‘love’. Cang Wu, although he always wears his signature grumpy look and is always like a breeze of air just hanging around, but in fact, I can tell that he likes Tian Hai deep inside his heart.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe it. Yaren’s words instantly pique my curiosity.
“Ai, it appears that you still don’t know much about us…” Yaren raises his eyebrows. “Cang Wu is currently able to live a smooth-sailing life in the Hall because of Tian Hai, and he ultimately accepted it. Since he had acknowledged this reality, that became his way of survival.”
“What on earth are you trying to say?” A sudden feeling of powerlessness washes over me like a tidal wave.
“I just want to indicate that although Gu Yan’s love isn’t genuine enough for now, he is willing to cover you, protect you, and love you as a precious toy, which has been considered lucky for you. From my understanding of Gu Yan, Gu Yan is not a person who will throw away toys at will. If you stay peacefully and obediently, I believe he will always put you around and place you in the scope of his protection, understand?”
I quietly lower my eyes.
With a pleasant smile on his face, Yaren walks around the desk and pats me on the shoulder twice. “I just hope you can learn to accept your own way of life from now on.”
──Sure enough, everyone had to talk me into behaving, leaving me utterly defeated.
──No one wants to save me no matter how much I struggle. They only reach out and push me incessantly into the abyss of degradation.
Silently thinking of these things, my hands quiver slightly.
Author: This is not a tragic story! I certainly guarantee.