Chapter 9

Lin Xigu had just answered a call from his advisor who was calling to remind him that his thesis proposal defence was coming up and was urging him to get ready. He was intent on having Lin Xigu do a good job and try for an award or two.

Lin Xigu nodded along with a series of absent-minded “mm-hmm”s while watching She Xiao who was sitting cross-legged on the balcony, building a frame for his monstera plant.

The large leaves had grown crooked. She Xiao was quietly fiddling with a bunch of wooden dowels and cotton string.

The scene was absolutely divine. There was a strange charm in the way She Xiao—tall even while seated—handled such small and mundane objects. When Lin Xigu finished the call, he walked over and sat down beside She Xiao. He didn’t offer to help and simply watched as She Xiao continued what he was doing.

“All done?” She Xiao asked.

“All done. My advisor’s been nagging me to go back. He even offered me a spot on his last paper, but I was too swamped at work.”

“When will you go back?” She Xiao asked.

Lin Xigu thought for a moment, “My internship will be over soon. As long as I don’t get converted to full-time, I can make a quiet getaway at the end of my contract without handing in my two-week notice.”

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He was young and in his twenties, and his beloved boyfriend had been sleeping beside him every night. Whose mind wouldn’t go there? Who wouldn’t want more?

Every day, Lin Xigu struggled to rein in his thoughts. It was a surefire way to pop an accidental boner every time he slipped up. 

She Xiao was the same. Every time Lin Xigu did some small thing that would test his self-restraint, he would look down, suppressing a smile, his body reacting much the same way.

She Xiao finished tidying up the craft supplies that had lain scattered across the floor and stood to wash his hands. Lin Xigu got to his feet quickly, following close behind. He tugged on the waistband of She Xiao’s pants from behind, “She Xiao…”

She Xiao looked back at him, arching his brow slightly. “Mn?”

Lin Xigu ducked under his arm and wedged himself between She Xiao and the bathroom sink as he wrapped his arms around She Xiao’s waist and looked up at him. She Xiao could never hold out for long when Lin Xigu acted cute; he was much too adorable. She Xiao lowered his head and kissed the tip of his nose. “What’s wrong?”

Lin Xigu’s face had turned slightly red. He kept his face resolutely turned up, his alluringly wide eyes blinking, still grumbling, “She Xiao…”

She Xiao turned off the faucet. His hands were still wet so he touched only his wrist to Lin Xigu’s back, answering with a low “Mn.”

Lin Xigu bit his lower lip, sliding his hands under She Xiao’s shirt and trailed his fingers down his bare waist. “…I want to do it.”

It wasn’t that Lin Xigu didn’t feel a tad shy about such matters, but given She Xiao’s personality and how he kept his feelings hidden, Lin Xigu had always been the one to initiate every time. If he wanted it, he had to swallow his embarrassment and ask for it.

Ah ah ah, having a self-reserved boyfriend could be such a headache sometimes.

She Xiao wrapped his arms around Lin Xigu, wheeling the two of them around. She Xiao dried his hands on a towel and then, still holding Lin Xigu, guided him out the door.

Lin Xigu decided he might as well smash open the rest of the cracked pot; he’d already hinted at it so he couldn’t care less about subtlety anymore. He raised his head and rubbed his hair against She Xiao’s chin. “Let’s just do it already! Let’s do it, okay?”

She Xiao wore a hint of a smile as he asked, “Do what?”

“Sex! Let’s have sex!” Lin Xigu glared at him. “Why do you have to be so mean…”

His expression finally succeeded in making She Xiao burst into laughter, his chest rumbling. Lin Xigu stood there, cheeks flushed, thinking, Even the most upstanding person will succumb to mischief sooner or later!

She Xiao squeezed the back of his neck gently, causing Lin Xigu’s shoulders to bunch up.

The mood was just right, winking at the possibility of developing into something more. Lin Xigu was just about to step in the shower when the doorbell rang rudely.

He scowled, looking over at She Xiao. 

Seeing his annoyed expression, She Xiao chuckled.

Lin Xigu answered the door to someone from the property management office who was conducting a resident satisfaction survey. They asked him to fill out a service rating.

Lin Xigu complied and completed the form, thinking all the while, If you knock on my door again, I’m giving you 0 stars. 

Locking the door behind him, Lin Xigu was still thinking about where they’d left off before the interruption. They had been so close!

She Xiao ruffled his hair and without saying anything, wrapped his arm around Lin Xigu’s shoulder and steered him towards the bedroom.

Lin Xigu became hopeful again.

What else could two people do in a bedroom, after all? Ah ah ah, it was kind of provocative the way She Xiao was acting!

But it was as if the universe was toying with Lin Xigu’s feelings because as they neared the bedroom door, Lin Xigu’s phone rang.

“Who would do such a thing…” Lin Xigu went to fetch his phone grudgingly, answering after glancing at the caller ID, “Pops.”

His dad asked if he was planning to come over.

“Not today,” Lin Xigu said. “Tomorrow… well, probably not tomorrow either.”

After exchanging a few more words with his dad, Lin Xigu hung up. There was obvious disappointment on his face. He looked especially adorable when he hung his head in defeat.

She Xiao leaned in close and bumped his nose gently, asking with a smile in his voice, “Still up for it?”

Lin Xigu’s eyes brightened as he looked up.

She Xiao grabbed his hand and pushed it down so Lin Xigu could feel the heat from his hard-on. “Now?”

“Yes!” Lin Xigu’s breathing quickened, “A thousand times yes! But I have to shower first.”

“Can’t we just skip that step?” She Xiao asked with a smile in his eyes.

Lin Xigu wanted to agree but he just couldn’t. He blinked. “I’ll be quick. Wait for me!”

It was a weekend like any other. They didn’t have to work, didn’t have to leave the house, and they had holed up at home after lunch. There was a chill in the wind outside as the shrivelled leaves were blown loose from the branches. It was late autumn and despite the abundance of sun, the chill could be felt even indoors on such an afternoon.

So when Lin Xigu had been gently stripped bare by She Xiao, a layer of goosebumps surfaced across his skin.

Whether it was from the cold or his nerves, he couldn’t say.

Lying across his body, She Xiao kissed his lips again and again. Lin Xigu was unresistant, holding She Xiao’s bottom lip between his teeth, not biting hard enough to hurt but just enough that it prickled.

With half-lidded eyes, She Xiao gathered up Lin Xigu in his arms, burying his face in his neck to kiss his neck and shoulder. Lin Xigu was ticklish and he sprang away slightly, laughing quietly, “Don’t blow on my neck…”

So She Xiao withdrew a little. Staring up at his face, Lin Xigu swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Even greater than his nervousness was his euphoria and joy at having his wish granted.

It wasn’t that they had never done the full deed before, but Lin Xigu could never remember how it had felt the only time they had. He had only been left with the memory of She Xiao’s bloodless face and lips, and the crimson that had smothered everything around them.

They had been together for so long, had been lovers for seven years. They shouldn’t have been so unpracticed.

Lin Xigu wetted his lips, pulling She Xiao’s face closer to his, and kissed him hard on the mouth.

They hid in a corner of the bedroom, out of the sun’s reach, kissing and welded together in each other’s embrace.

She Xiao’s upper body was bare too. Skin against skin, the satinlike, intimate sensation made their hearts ache. They loved the person they were holding, they wanted to give the whole world to that person. Even while pressed together, it didn’t feel as though the other person was close enough.

Their chests both heaving, their heartbeats loud to the other’s ears, She Xiao ran his fingers through Lin Xigu’s hair, then touched his fingertips to the corner of his eye, disturbing his long eyelashes.

The rims of Lin Xigu’s eyes were wet. Tears, from the intensity of it all.

The way She Xiao had looked just now gave Lin Xigu a sense of distant familiarity.

Back then, She Xiao’s brows had always been deeply furrowed, his demeanor icy and cruel. He had been quick to anger, he frequently got into fights, his expression a silent warning to everyone to keep their distance.

He had been aggressive, and at the same time, lonely.

Lin Xigu held him tight, burying his face in She Xiao’s shoulder.

She Xiao kissed his hair, still inside him, not pulling out just yet.

After six years of yearning, how could one round possibly be enough?