Chapter 27 – Heartache

Mo Li Xin cautiously peered at Ji Nan Feng, “Nan Feng, do you know of any psychiatrist?”

She felt that there was no need to hide her problems from him, neither did she want to.

Ji Nan Feng slammed on the brakes and the car came to a screeching halt.

Mo Li Xin did not have sufficient time to brace herself. Although she was wearing a seat belt, inertia still flung her forward. Thankfully she did not knock against anything, but she still felt that her brain was shaken.

‘What the hell? Is there some unspoken animosity between cars and me recently?’ Mo Li Xin thought to herself as she rubbed the centre of her forehead. 

“Why did you slam on the brakes so abruptly?” Mo Li Xin lightly shook her head before quizzically looking at Ji Nan Feng. Coincidentally, he was also staring back at her. 

However, his gaze was deep and unfathomable. Torrid emotions swirled within his usually calm eyes. Emotions that Mo Li Xin did not understand. It looked to her as if it held sadness and a little fearfulness. But why did he have such a look? He was looking at her, but at the same time, not really seeing her. As though he was seeing another her in his eyes. 

Ji Nan Feng was initially happy. His Xin’er was becoming more and more lively. Unlike their previous life, where her eyes slowly dimmed. During her last year of living, she got diagnosed with depression and social anxiety. Where she started to shut herself up, and block everyone out of her life; staying in her own world, void of emotions and unwilling to even cry or fuss. 

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The day he knew of Mo Li Xin’s passing, was the day he was discharged. He roughly knew that something had happened as during his stay in the hospital he was only cared for by a nanny. His family members did not turn up, and even Duan An Ran that was constantly at his side was not present. But due to his previous physical condition, he chose not to question it.

On the day of his discharge, it was a fine sunny day, yet he felt extremely cold. In the end, only Wei Xiu Lan turned up to fetch him.

Her face was wan and sallow, dispirited and downcasted. It was then, did Ji Nan Feng realise that something major had happened.

“Xin’er… she… was a good child. Ji Family owed her too much… and… we can never repay it back… Feng’er, you’re wrong this time… so wrong…” Wei Xiu Lan wept uncontrollably after saying that.

He felt more unsettled after hearing those words. Unknowingly, his tone trembled, “What happened?…”

“Xin’er… Xin’er… passed… Go see her, Qi Xin Ancestral Hall…”  

Qi Xin Ancestral Hall, Ji’s family ancestral hall; the name explains it, it was where the dead rest in peace. The courtyard of the temple was filled with rows of tombstones, the interior was covered in rows of ancestral tablets. Ji’s ancestors had been there for generations. He never expected that he would visit his family ancestral hall because of her, and so soon too.

At that moment Ji Nan Feng felt like he was struck by thunder, his legs weighted a thousand pounds. Each step was more difficult than the previous. Only then, did he realize how much he liked her. But this kind of affection rested so deep in his heart that he never noticed.

And when he did, it was already too late. He greatly regretted not cherishing her when she was around. By the time he knew, he had already paid a hefty price… 

Regardlessly, this life, he believed that some things would not repeat itself. He would treasure her like his little princess, and would not let her suffer from any bit of grievance. Be it, mind or body, he would make sure that she remained healthy and in one piece. 

Watching her slowly lower her defenses; opening up her heart to him, being able to banter with him, joke with him, and gradually lose her restraint. Gradually regaining her self-confidence and becoming as cheerful as when he initially saw her. He thought that with this progression, nothing would repeat itself in this life. However, her question now caused his initial worries to rise back to the surface again. 

A psychiatrist, a peculiar profession… 

Ji Nan Feng was immersed in his thoughts for a long time. And Mo Li Xin just quietly looked at him.

“Why do you want to see a psychiatrist?” He finally asked after the long silence. 

Mo Li Xin felt that the atmosphere was weird. After much consideration, she decided it was best to be forthcoming with him, “Something strange had happened to me, and I feel that you should know.”

“It might sound unbelievable and you might not believe me… but I think… there’s another person residing within me…” Mo Li Xin said as she stared intensively at Ji Nan Feng.

Ji Nan Feng did not expect this to be the reason. However, even though it sounded odd, he chose to listen to her.

Her situation was easily said but hard to understand. It took a while for her to explain it to him.

“So you believe that you have a second personality inside you. You know of her, she knows you, but she hasn’t shown up recently. Hence, you want to see a psychiatrist?” Ji Nan Feng summarised.

“En, isn’t it far-fetched? How can a person talk to another ‘person’ within herself?” Even Mo Li Xin found it hard to believe what she just said. If she were from ancient times, people would have no doubt assumed that she had gone mad.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday, I’ll accompany you to see the psychiatrist. Don’t stress too much about this first.” Ji Nan Feng breathed a sigh of relief. As long as it was not depression, it would be fine. That disorder was too negative.

“Why did you step on the brake so suddenly?” Mo Li Xin asked again.

“I just thought of something. But it’s nothing of importance,” he smiled faintly. Some things… was better not to divulge.

Mo Li Xin frowned but did not press on.

The following day, Ji Nan Feng brought Mo Li Xin to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist was introduced by Mother Wei, and he was pretty well-known in the field.

Although it was a private clinic, it was still crowded. Most of the people who were there were patients that needed treatment and therapy.

“Fei Fei, stop running. Wait for Grandma!”

The moment Mo Li Xin stepped into the clinic, she heard those distressed words. The elderly’s voice was hoarse, and she sounded like she was in poor health. 

Not a moment later, a toddler with braids crashed into her and hugged her calf tightly.

Mo Li Xin was stunned and did not know how to react as she glanced at Ji Nan Feng at a loss.

Ji Nan Feng squatted down and looked at the child whose height was only up to his knee, “Little girl, what’s your name?” 

The little girl did not answer. She just blinked her big watery eyes at the handsome uncle who spoke to her.

Mo Li Xin caressed the child’s head. Kneeling in front of the girl, she looked at her and asked, “Where are your parents? Why are you alone?”

When the words ‘parents’ reached the child’s ears, she started crying uncontrollably and hugged Mo Li Xin tighter. 

“Mummy, pretty Mummy.”

Mo Li Xin and Ji Nan Feng were both startled. The child looked at least three, four years old, so it was unlikely that she would mistakenly address others as her parents.

The little girl cried so much that it broke Mo Li Xin’s heart. Her cries were really heart-rending.

“Fei Fei, come over here. why don’t you listen to Grandma’s words? Grandma can’t keep up with these old bones,” the old lady limped over breathlessly. 

When she finally caught up to the girl named Fei Fei, she was slightly taken aback. She paused for a while before apologizing to Mo Li Xin, “Sorry deary, my granddaughter suddenly dashed out. Hope you don’t take offense by her actions.” 

After apologizing, she attempted to take the little girl away. But the little girl shook her head vigorously and tightened her grip on Mo Li Xin’s calf, unwilling to let go. The more Mo Li Xin looked at the little girl, the more she liked her. 

“It’s alright Granny, this child is very lovable,” Mo Li Xin refuted.

Seeing that she could not detach her granddaughter from the lady’s leg, the old lady sighed heavily. 

“Fei Fei is the child left by my deceased son and daughter-in-law. It’s all my fault, I didn’t take care of her properly and led to her having this illness. It’s all my fault…” 

Mo Li Xin glanced over at Ji Nan Feng before turning around. 

“Why does Granny say so?” In her opinion, this child looked like any other child; able to run around, jump about, and talk.

“Fei Fei, stopped talking about a year and a half ago. I brought her to the hospital to check and she was diagnosed with autism. On normal days, she stays quiet and would rarely cry. I didn’t expect that she would cry in front of you. As long as she makes a sound, that’s good…” the elderly smiled in relief as she clarified.

“Doesn’t speak?” Mo Li Xin was surprised. ‘Didn’t the little girl just spoke?’

“En, it’s been eight months since she last voiced a word. I was finally able to book an appointment with the psychiatrist today. But before we managed to step into the room, Fei Fei ran out. It took a long time before we managed to secure a slot but now, I’m afraid that this appointment… sigh…” she exhaled deeply as she explained.

“Granny said that Fei Fei does not speak, but she spoke just now.” Mo Li Xin told her. As she thought of something, she squatted down and held Fei Fei’s face with both hands and wiped away her tears. 

Soothingly she said to Fei Fei, “Fei Fei, what did you call me just now? I didn’t hear it clearly, can you call me again?”

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I think I was teary-eyed through this whole chapter..

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