Chapter 1.5

8.

Help!

How did this man become so charming?!

Did going on a trip release his repressed nature for many years?

I don’t understand.

Duan Yi wore a black silk shirt that was loose and billowy, walking with a certain grace. A small, lean chest was faintly visible, with a sexy Adam’s apple above it. His lips were luscious, and his black hair was meticulously styled.

Is this more enticing than simply being naked?!

I suspected he was seducing me, but I had no evidence.

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R iwknjzu okrle vbl nsadlap sq xu xswvb, yp easszkdt oswze cl vss lxcyaayppkdt.

Eyyyyb~

Mbkp kp xu bwpcyde, obsx R nyd pll lhlau eyu.

R wple yzz sq xu zkqlzsdt zlyadkdt vs vbaso swv yzz psavp sq clywvkqwz osaep, yde lhld xydytle vs qzyvvla bkx, obs bye yd yzssq kxytl, vs vbl rskdv sq czwpbkdt yde qllzkdt lxcyaaypple.

Tl qkdyzzu nswzed’v vyjl kv yduxsal yde nyxl shla vs nshla xu xswvb. “Gzaktbv, ldswtb.”

R oyp lmvalxlzu ydtau yde rwzzle bkp byde yoyu. “Zsw’al bydepsxl yde usw esd’v lhld zlv rlsrzl nsxrzkxldv usw?!”

Fwnnlppqwzzu xyjkdt bkp qynl czwpb lhld xsal.

Wllzkdt tsse, R kxxlekyvlzu elnkele vs vyjl bkx swv qsa bsvrsv.

Duan Yi: “?”

By the time he realized it, we were already sitting in the hotpot restaurant.

I generously handed him the menu, “Order whatever you want! My treat! Do you want a mushroom and duck soup base or a tomato one?”

The efficiency was high, and the dishes arrived quickly, filling the entire table.

The faint steam rose between the two of us as he dipped non-spicy food into the spicy pot, and I couldn’t help but ridicule him.

Chili is simply the best lipstick, with natural staining that is so bright it’s as if it’s dripping blood.

I was already struggling to keep up with the eating, with no time to talk, just burying my head and eating – tripe, beef, and goose intestines… We live for food like this!

I scooped out a lotus root from the mushroom soup pot.

No one knows more about health than me.

I tried to control my limbs as much as possible. After all, when you’re out and about, you have to save face.

The result of eating and drinking excessively is that I had to lean on Duan Yi to walk the whole way.

The hot pot restaurant was a subway station away our home, and we decided to walk back. Okay, it was me who begged him to walk and aid digestion.

I patted my chest and assured him, “Don’t worry, I know the way!”

“Follow me.”

The evening breeze dissipated some of the heat, but the smell of hot pot clung to me and probably wouldn’t go away even after walking back home.

“Jing Ge.”

He called out my name.

The way he said my name was incredibly passionate, hot enough to make the surrounding air sizzle.

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever liked someone?”

“I’ve had many crushes.”

Walking side by side, he listened to me speak quietly, his expression obscured by the dim night.

The cold wind carried my mundane words to his ear.

“Sometimes it’s a chance encounter with a stranger, sometimes it’s a simple touch, sometimes it’s someone whispering in my ear… those moments, it’s like I really did feel my heart skip a beat. I’m not made of wood, no matter how cold-blooded I am, I can’t go decades without being moved.”

“Those feelings are like a small flame suddenly igniting in my heart, a weak electric current running through my body, causing a tingling sensation.”

I paused for a moment, turned my head to look at him, and smiled openly, “Just now, when you called my name.”

The dimly lit streets at night created the perfect atmosphere, and I began to ramble again.

“But that little flame can never spread to my brain. Its vitality is too fragile, the longest it’s ever lasted was three seconds. My reason is always clear and sober, and as soon as any warmth arises in my heart, it is mercilessly extinguished.”

I didn’t know what the problem was, when it started, and I didn’t want to delve into it, so I allowed it to run wild.

I tried to be humorous and told a dark joke, “So far, there hasn’t been anyone who’s made it to the top.”

“Summing up, I’m sure I’ve never liked anyone.”

It was like when I was a junior in college, I met someone on campus and I fell in love.

But I believe in fate, and meeting once doesn’t mean anything. If I disappeared into the crowd, I wouldn’t have any regrets.

As fate would have it, I met him again.

But my small and pathetic crush had already died out, and there was nothing left but ashes.

Not seeing him was not an option, but seeing him was not an option either.

I was shocked at my own melancholy and fickleness. I was never one to love for a long time, I was a selfish coward, a paranoid weirdo.

So, I’ll just not harm anyone else.

I’m extremely sensitive, but I deliberately ignore it every time, trying to brush it off lightly.

Unless it’s already out of my control.

We just happened to walk under a street lamp, and Duan Yi’s tall body was backlit, his ears turning red, and his eyes blinking, making it hard to discern his emotions.

In fact, I do believe in love, how can I not?

It is such a noble thing, it should be spotless, and should not be easily offended.

I know I’m not worthy.

I give little, but have a big appetite, so it serves me right.

I took a deep breath and said, “Let’s both calm down for a while.”

9.

Since that day, I moved back to my original house.

It was a coincidence that my parents came back from their trip.

If I divorce now, can I trick them into easing the situation?

“What’s wrong?” 

My mother looked at me with disgust, as I lay on the couch like a boneless lump, still busy chewing on a pig’s trotter.

“Just missed you hehehe~” I pretended to go up and kiss her.

“Hey, get away! All oily!” 

I pouted and swallowed the last bite of meat, inexplicably feeling melancholy. “What is love?” I asked.

She gave me a white-eyed look, obviously not interested in my artistic sentimentality.

“Do you like him?”

I was stunned by the question, like him?

Am I really so fickle that I can fall in love with someone?

“Maybe…” 

“If you like him, then like him! What’s with the maybes? Don’t be so pretentious with me!” 

“I like him.”

There’s nothing to be ashamed of in admitting it.

But it’s precisely this liking that makes me afraid. I’m afraid that, like before, it’s just superficial, self-indulgent, and deceitful.

What if, what if that feeling is gone after a while, what should I do then?

How can I be so rash as to promise someone something I’m not even sure of myself?

“Then what about you…”

“I just don’t believe, or rather, I don’t want to believe in others! I want someone who will never betray me, who will love me forever, but the reality is that people change! He will change, and I will change too! A lifetime is so long, and I’m afraid that my initial feelings will be worn away day after day! I don’t want to say the word ‘forever,’ nor do I believe in it, but I actually like it!

I was a bit excited and said whatever came to mind, “Now I kinda like Duan Yi, I don’t know if it will rise or fall. Instead of betting on an uncertain future, why not just keep it in the best state forever? At least we will have memories after we separate.”

I kept talking and talking, and she saw that I was getting more and more worked up, so she advised me, “The most important thing in life is to focus on the present. No one can control the changes in the future, so why worry about things that haven’t happened yet and make things difficult for yourself?”

“I understand the reasoning.”

I felt the tears coming and a sour and hot sensation rising in my throat. I took a deep breath and calmed down, whispering, “I’m so annoyed.”

In my view, “forever” and “love” are conflicting. Initially signing the contract with Duan Yi was just a way to retreat and use “forever” to protect my “love,” to keep my “love” pure and not contaminated by the secular world. I don’t want to give up either of them.

My mom smiled and said, “The earth is constantly turning, and everyone is constantly growing and changing. It’s normal. Every couple who gets married intends to be together for life, and no one goes into a marriage intending to divorce, right? But after getting along, perhaps they find that they are not suitable for each other, or perhaps one person moves too fast while the other can’t keep up. Then it’s time to let go gracefully. If someone is sincere to you now, but you use imaginary things to doubt them, that’s not fair.”

“Where did your usual carefree attitude go?”

“I am a coward, you know that. I have been afraid of ghosts since I was young.”

When I was young, I lived alone on a floor, and the light switch in my room was far from my bed. Every night, my parents took turns escorting me back to my room, tucking me in tightly, and then turning off the switch at the door, leaving me in complete darkness.

I picked up the boneless chicken claw on the table to eat, of course, for convenience as a lazy person.

She saw that I had listened to her advice and stopped talking, and we both started to share my snacks.

“…”

I scrolled through my social media and found that all the updates were from Duan Yi.

He went traveling and posted detailed travel guides and food reviews for each place.

“Mom, can I see your phone?”

She was busy gnawing on duck necks and gestured for me to take it out of her pocket myself.

Duan Yi was someone who had added my parents on WeChat.

As expected, those updates were only visible to me.

Damn it! Isn’t he directionally challenged? Why is he running around everywhere!

So annoying!

____________

I stood in the corner, watching as Duan Yi circled around the same place a few times, his face always carrying a puzzled expression.

Last time I saw his update he was on a mountain, and I rushed over there overnight after buying tickets, but I found out he had just left, which made me furious. I finally caught him this time.

It’s hard to explain online, I must scold him in person!

I walked towards him with a face full of anger, he also saw me and his face showed surprise, then he just kept smiling stupidly.

Pretending, still pretending.

“Heh, only visible to me, and you left your location on purpose, just to make me come find you!”

I’ve always known that Duan Yi is a scheming boy.

Yes, I came all this way just to scold him, but when I saw his eyes full of laughter and the gentle trap on his face, I couldn’t get angry at all.

He carefully wiped the yogurt off the corners of my mouth with a piece of paper, I glared at him, but he just kept laughing.

I composed myself and said seriously, “Marriage is about living together.”

His expression didn’t show any changes, his eyes were deep.

“So, do you want to live together?”

He grinned, “Mhmm.”

“Follow me.”

Follow me and never get lost.

[End~]