The Shang company’s employees recently discovered that Shang Yu was often lost in thought.
Especially after… Jiang Yu disappeared.
Even, sometimes in the middle of a meeting, he would blankly stare in the direction where Jiang Yu was sitting before.
The speculation that the boss had a crush on Jiang Yu seemed to be an irrefutable fact when they heard that Shang Yu and his partner who he had been entangled with for many years had broken up… They didn’t know the specific reason, everyone guessed that the breakup was for Jiang Yu. Coupled with the boss’ reaction these days, the more they thought about it, the truer it seemed. It was as if the boss would scour through heaven and earth to find Jiang Yu and propose marriage in the next moment.
However, their whispers were overheard one day by Shang Yu who happened to be passing by.
The little employees shrank their heads in fear, waiting for the boss’ scolding — but after a long silence, they only heard the boss insipidly say, “Don’t talk nonsense in the future.”
After that, the boss seemed to pull himself together a bit, and they didn’t dare say anymore.
As for… the rumored partner of the boss whom he had been with for a decade— who left the scene in disgrace— they didn’t even know that person’s name and appearance until now.
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If at that time, someone stepped forward and pulled him from such suffering…
Shang Yu lay on that person’s bed, blankly staring at the ceiling. Tears inexplicably streamed down his face… in the faint scent of his pheromones that have almost disappeared.
However, no one ever tried to save that person.
The last time he met that person was two months ago.
Like before, that person was gloomy, his movements were slow, and even the blinking of his eyes seemed to be a beat slower.
He was fed up with that person’s changes. Just as the results came out from the Institute, he directly arranged the operation for him and then coldly informed him of its progress.
Seeing that person lowered his eyes as if devoid of sorrow and joy, he felt unhappy and even tried to provoke him with words that would elicit a response.
Particularly, when he remembered Jiang Yu whom he admired during company meetings, he told him that he still liked pure omegas.
That person suddenly reacted and looked up at him in a daze. There was almost no flesh from that person’s face. He looked so haggard that he couldn’t even bear directly looking at him.
Nevertheless, he couldn’t help wanting to see more of that person’s reaction, as if he could vaguely find Shi Wen of the past, who had all the emotions written on his face.
Therefore, he even said that his pheromones smelled like the cheapest wine.
That person flinched and unexpectedly cried.
That person also just wept in silence, tears streaming down his small pointed face. He retreated back as if he was afraid of something, also appearing to want to cover his face.
It seemed that it was the first time that he saw that person’s tears. He was a little distraught, feeling that his tone was too harsh— but how could that person be willing to undergo surgery otherwise…
He didn’t want his decision to be swayed by such emotions. He forced down his hand that was about to appease him and left the house, almost like fleeing.
…and it turned out to be the last.
It was never just the gland that caused that person to change.
Rather, it was depression, his and the world’s… indifference.
An omega needed the long-term company of their alpha after being marked, otherwise, their pheromones would be unstable and be prone to mental problems.
Of course, he knew that, it was even written in the textbook.
However, he constantly forgot that… that person was also his omega.
Moreover, that person’s unconditional submissiveness was also a symptom of such illness.
It’s all over.
He would never meet someone like that again, who poured his everything into loving him until he lost… his life.
Even Jiang Yu, it was him.
As time slowly passed by, the scent seemed to also dissipate little by little like its owner.
Shang Yu couldn’t stop himself from panicking.
He sought out the Institute if there was a method to keep a person’s scent. While he was waiting, he called his best friend. Maybe his friend also had many resources that could help him.
His best friend was surprised, thinking that he finally fallen in love with someone, so he couldn’t help the urge to inquire.
“I was wondering why after all the talk about you and that person falling apart… Have you finally found someone you like?”
Shang Yu closed his eyes.
His friend just asked without a serious thought, which made him feel sorrowful.
Additionally, “that person,” addressed like this for the past ten years, whose name was not even remembered by anyone.
“I want to keep the scent of a person… who’s… gone.” He didn’t want to explain too much, “Can you help me?”
“Of course, I can help you ask. Is it…”
Shang Yu exhaled.
“Shi Wen, also called Jiang Yu… my partner.”
“Huh? Who?”
If everything could be done all over again.
He wasn’t sure if he liked that person at the time.
Nonetheless, in the entire Imperial High School, that person was the most unforgettable man for him.
A person’s life was extremely short. There were only a handful of memorable people who would move one’s heart.
If everything could be done all over again.
He would probably take that person’s love letter and let all the isolation and cold violence end before they even start.
Perhaps, he wouldn’t have said that he only liked omegas, so that person wouldn’t have gone to implant an artificial gland.
On the night of the graduation, he might still follow his instinct to mark that person, but he would listen carefully to his explanation afterwards.
There would be no episode of the little singer that followed.
After they got together, he would be willing to marry him and work with him face to face at home. Despite the virtual images being on, in reality, they would occasionally make eye contact that would make his employees secretly say “what a great relationship.”
When that person went to learn his favorite Ancient Earth recipe, he would stay to cook or help that person, and would instruct him to be careful with the gas.
He would agree to take pictures with that person. While he personally didn’t like it, it was okay to have some occasionally— let that person hang the pictures in their room.
He would often accompany him and soothe him until his pheromones were stable. If there was any problem, he would promptly take him to see a doctor.
He would seriously ask that person’s opinion about the gland removal surgery. If Shi Wen didn’t want to do it, he would not insist.
He would introduce him to his family and friends.
They would get along well with each other until they retire.
…If everything could be done all over again.
Shang Yu closed his eyes.
In the end, he failed to seize the opportunity to rescue that person ashore.
That person was crying out in desperation for help, and he was watching the fire from across the river.
The pain in his heart felt as if it was being ripped open, yet he knew it was only a fraction of what that person went through.
…In the end, that person was gone.
That person’s life ended just like that.
It burned like a moth to a flame, and eventually died in silence, not to be remembered.
…Shi Wen.
END
Youlan’s Note
The virtual image meeting was inspired by 王牌特工。
Shang Yu’s ending is to live in pain and memories of that person, relying on that person’s remaining scent in order to fall asleep.
Whether he would be able to find a way to preserve that person’s scent is up to your imagination, it doesn’t matter.
I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but Shang Yu actually first liked (or cared about, interested in, heart moved by?) Shi Wen himself in the beginning. However, he was such a man who couldn’t initially understand his feelings. Based on Shi Wen’s recount, he mentioned that he often went home from the company when they had just got together and also complimented him on his pheromones…
‘Hope you all liked it.
My Weibo is @有猫的匿蓝.
This broke my heart (╯︵╰,) just why author-nim? (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ
P.s. still thank you so much for the translation this is so beautifully translated that every word made me feel the whole emotions of each character (ᗒᗩᗕ)
There is indeed no medicine for regrets. Shang Yu chose to do what he did for a decade, heh, he should just have kept up with it and live as he always did. What use is his what ifs and regrets? He had all the time to do it but didn’t and now that he’s dead, he finally thinks about it?
In my head, the ending for Shang Yu is to forever live chasing after the ghost of a person long dead only to never even glimpse of it anymore. He had it in his arms for so long, but he was also the one to pull down the rope that led for his fall to death. He doesn’t deserve to even have any chance of keeping a single thing to remind him of Shi Wen.
It’s a proper punishment for him.
Live the rest of your life wallowing in regrets and “what-if” scenarios