Lu Jing was trembling. He felt as if his soul had left his body and was looking down on everything that was happening now— this must be a nightmare. All the hatred that had accumulated over the years had been dispelled. He was unable to fill it with other emotions as if a tsunami had flooded his island of a heart— regret, despair, powerlessness, and pain — all at once was drowning everything. He didn’t know what to do with the rest of his life, his future, his…
In addition, he once said that he would take Yusen around the world in the future, ah.
However, he didn’t, and he would no longer have any opportunity to do so.
He even brought another man with him, who looked like the younger version of Yusen. He even used this to ridicule him. What did Yusen, who was approaching death… feel at that time? He did not dare to think about it more.
How could he resist not going to see Yusen?
Lu Jing absently followed Ji-jie, who could no longer determine his expression. However, she vaguely guessed that, perhaps, Mr. Lu cared more about Xiao He than everyone had thought.
However, the person was already dead, and she dared not to venture into this thought again. She just felt sorry, because… no matter what, Xiao He wouldn’t be able to know about it anymore.
“He used to sit here while waiting for you all night until I urged him to sleep.”
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Kk-fkl pyke kd y psqv hsknl. Nw Kkdt pllxle vs qszzso bla lhlau osae yp bl pvyale qsszkpbzu yv vbl psqy kd vbl nldvla sq vbl zkhkdt assx. Tl vakle vs kxytkdl vbl yrrlyaydnl yde lmralppksd sq Zwpld, obs oyp oykvkdt qsa bkx.
“Tl sqvld pvyale yv bkp rbsdl kd y eygl, yde R snnypksdyzzu tzydnl yv kv, yzz sq obknb yal xlppytlp vs usw, cwv…”
Kk-fkl rwaple bla zkrp yde tayewyzzu pvsrrle vyzjkdt. Nw Kkdt jdlo obyv pbl oydvle vs pyu dlmv.
Jwv, bl bye czsnjle Zwpld.
Tl yzps dlhla lhld alrzkle vs y pkdtzl xlppytl.
Tl nswzed’v pvyu pvkzz. Mbl assx oyp lxrvu, cwv wdprlyjyczl pswadlpp, rsolazlppdlpp, byvale, yde alxsapl pllxle vs pwaaswde bkx yde qkzz bkp obszl clkdt. Mblu pllxle vs vbalyvld vs nsxrzlvlzu ldtwzq bkx kd vbl dlmv plnsde. Tl oydvle vs awd yoyu.
Lsdlvblzlpp, vbkp assx oyp sdnl qkzzle okvb Zwpld’p zkhkdt calyvb, yde bl oswze dlhla zlv lhld y qykdv vaynl sq bkx ts.
“Rq sdzu R’e valyvle bkx…clvvla.”
Lu Jing hoarsely said.
Hearing this, Ji-jie was surprised.
After a long time, she heaved a deep sigh.
“Mr. Lu…”
She didn’t expect that this sentence would finally be said to Mr. Lu.
“I am sorry for your loss.”
Lu Jing felt that his life lost its meaning.
He lost the hatred and obsession that he deeply held onto for many years. He also lost his… love. He felt that he could no longer see a future and that the road ahead of him was shrouded in gloom and sorrow.
He couldn’t forgive himself for inflicting the most unspeakable pain on the person he loved the most.
And there was nothing he could do to undo everything he had done.
No one could ever replace He Yusen. Otherwise, how could he have been so obsessed with him for numerous years?
“Yusen, if I…”
If— if he had known that He Yusen came back to take a last look at himself while enduring his illness…
If only, back then, he had let go of his hatred and traveled with Yusen abroad…
If only he’d been less angry after receiving that breakup email and rushed to search for the trace of his departure and find him.
Or if—
If only he had just been able to spend more time with him…
If only he had let go of his hatred, accepted his innermost thoughts, and been gentle with him…
If only the one he took to Northern Europe was him…
If only Yusen’s last moments before his death were spent in his arms…
……
So many ifs he could have done, yet he was able to perfectly avoid them all.
He couldn’t determine He Yusen’s last unspoken words, just as he could no longer say his sincere apology and express his overwhelming love for him. For the rest of his life, he would be filled with regret and sorrow, drowning in grief and constantly falling apart.
In the end, no one would ever know.
“Lu-ge, how good would it be… if I didn’t get sick?”
END
Translator’s Note
Kris Xian: It hurts. For this, this kind of ending was apparently both of their faults. If only He Yusen was braver or more thick-skinned to say what he was truly enduring… and only if Lu Jing was more forgiving…
If you haven’t read the other similar story yet, give No One Saved Me a try. His Present is also good, in which you’ll be left with a question, what usually happens to the original person when the transmigrator left?
… this is why communication is important in a relationship. Others won’t know ur side of the story unless you say it. Anyway thanks for the translation!<3
That was so sad. Mostly, because they both are at fault here :< There was a lack of conversation, courage and trust… Thank You for translating this amazing story! (ʃƪ ˘ ³˘)❤ I was sad and angry at the same time. Take care! ♡(˃͈ દ ˂͈ ༶ )
En, this is the bitter taste of regret. Both of them played a part in the downfall of their relationship. It’s tragic yet also, this ending was also realistic. Some people truly realize their regrets far too late and when the separation is already permanent.
In another life, I can only hope that Yusen finally finds courage to fully love someone without having to hold back. And perhaps, Lu Jing can also move on from his regrets. There’s nothing he can do anymore to take back the pain and immense suffering he imparted to Yusen in his final moments, let it be his atonement to let him go in this life peacefully and cut off their entanglement already. There’s still a long while for Lu Jing and Yusen would want nothing more than for him to find his own happiness.
P.S. Thank you for your translation! You were able to deliver the emotions, the regrets, the pain and the tragedy of this story wonderfully to readers like me (♡˙︶˙♡)
Reading this with tears before i sleep 😭 😴
But thank you for our dear Translator for letting us reas this wonderful story ❤️❤️❤️