100 Reasons to Kill My Husband

Chapter 5.3

Seeing me turn my head and respond to him, he was stunned for a moment and taking advantage of that moment, I dragged my luggage and immediately left. It was summer at that time so the weather was so hot I contemplated whether to just turn around, lift my luggage and crush the b!tch Yu Haiqiao to death with it. After I’d done the job, I’d silently light up a cigarette beside his corpse to make up for the fact that I hadn’t gotten any pleasure before, during and after making love with him. The b!tch’s techniques were so bad I wondered whether the Japanese porn he watched was mosaiced.

The year I was 27, I had a bloodless fight with Yu Haiqiao, and I had successfully managed to break the longest record of having a cold war with him. The b!tch Yu Haiqiao didn’t even contact me three days after the incident happened. The longest fight I had with him back then was during fifth grade of elementary school. He had asked me to play marbles with him outside but I only wanted to stay home and play with my dolls. He thought that I had gained a new friend and no longer wanted to play with him, I only thought ‘who wanted to lie on the ground and play with marbles, you crazy fool’. After that, we ignored each other until the next class in the afternoon. The next day after school ended, he found a few kittens on the roadside and immediately took me there to see them and just like that, the two of us made up.

As for the remainder of the fights we had, this person would always act as if the incident never happened the next instant. If I continued to ignore him, he would put on a scowl and give me an apology, then he would compensate me until I was satisfied.

But this b!tch hadn’t contacted me for 3 days. On the third day he hadn’t contacted me, I blacklisted his weChat number, and I also deleted and blacklisted his contact number.

On the night of the fourth day, this b!tch hammered on my door and he stood by the doorway, denouncing me, “Why the hell did you block me?”


I rolled my eyes, wanting to close the door and slam him to death with it.

He leaned against the door frame and looked at me with a serious and solemn gaze, “Shi Ran.”

I looked back at him.

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Tl czkdjle yde pweeldzu pbyxlzlppzu pyke, “Zsw eke ‘vbyv’ okvb xl, vyjl alprsdpkckzkvu qsa xl.”

Yl: “?????” Tlyakdt bkp osaep, xu blye oyp sdzu qkzzle okvb iwlpvksd xyajp.

Mbkp c!vnb Zw Tykikys elzkclayvlzu zssjle yv xl okvb y rkvkqwz lmralppksd, “R oyp y hkatkd, usw byhl vs vyjl alprsdpkckzkvu qsa xl.”

Bdyczl vs bsze xuplzq, R pxynjle bkp nblpv, “Zw Tykikys, fwpv ts yde q*njkdt ekl–!!!”

Zw Tykikys ynvle eayxyvknyzzu, nswtbkdt y qlo vkxlp yde nshlakdt bkp nblpv, “Yu kdvladyzp yal kdfwale, usw byhl vs vyjl alprsdpkckzkvu qsa vbkp.”

R oyp ps ydtau R nswze qllz xu vsr ycswv vs czso sqq, “QOM NXFM——!”

Zw Tykikys ralpple y qkdtla rlarldeknwzyazu ytykdpv bkp zkrp yde wvvlale y “Fbb”, alxkdekdt xl kd y bwpble hsknl, “Rv’p yzalyeu dktbvvkxl, cl nyalqwz dsv vs ekpvwac vbl dlktbcsap.” Tl pyke obkzl pzkrrkdt kdvs xu bsxl yde lhld nzspkdt vbl essa.

“Pwakdt vbl vball eyup sq zlyhl R aliwlpvle qasx osaj, R’hl clld vbkdjkdt qsa y zsdt vkxl yv bsxl yde R qllz vbyv——” Tl pvyavle vyzjkdt vs xl okvb y plakswp qynl, “R qllz vbyv pkdnl ol’hl jdsod lynb svbla qsa yzxspv 2 elnyelp, byhkdt esdl ‘vbyv’ pbswzed’v cl y ckt sq y elyz. Vzwp, R’x dsv nyaaukdt ydu ekplyplp yde alzklhkdt swa rbupknyz dllep pbswze cl iwkvl dsaxyz ps okvb y alzyvksdpbkr zkjl swap, R esd’v pll ydu rasczlx okvb xwvwyzzu blzrkdt lynb svbla okvb vbkp rasczlx yp zsdt yp kv eslpd’v ldeydtla swa zkhlp, obyv es usw vbkdj?

“Shi Ran. If you think about it, whomever you choose to do it with, there shouldn’t be any problems with doing it with me right? Don’t you think my train of thought seems reasonable? We’re both adults and we’re already in our mid-twenties. Should we really break off years of friendship just because we lost our virginity to each other?”



This b!tch Yu Haiqiao even said so many words trying to convince me with all his might that there was nothing wrong with the two of us making love, that it should be, in fact, quite normal.

I also don’t know if he was trying to convince himself or if he was trying to convince me. In any case, the more I listened to him, the more I felt like he had done such good mental preparation. Did he really have to take a 3 days leave from work just to repair the mental damage he received from rolling around the sheets with me? I had worked like a f*cking dog during these three days, enduring the metro crowd to get to work. For the sake of getting a bonus from never being late, when some fool took the last spot in the elevator, I even had to climb up the stairs as quick as I could in my f*cking heels and managed to successfully clock in in time. Did I even ask for a leave from work? Did I give myself time to think about this? Did I? I didn’t. Seeing Yu Haiqiao this aggrieved, did I have to buy him a session with a psychologist to talk to?

I immediately angrily interrupted his words, “Hai Yuqiao, Shut your trap and get lost.”

He remained silent for a few moments, “You really don’t think it would work?”

“….“ I glared at him.

He raised both hands, making a surrendering gesture and appearing extremely obedient, “From now on, I promise not to touch you. If I consume any alcohol, I’ll sleep at a hotel instead of coming home. If this happens again, I’ll go out and get hit by a car so that you can have my assets and insurance.

The corner of his mouth raised a little, “Shi Ran, there’s no need to be like this alright?”

I stared at him for a good while but was still unable to hold back and say, “Yu Haiqiao, you really disappoint me.”

Yu Haiqiao paused for a while before apologizing, “I’m sorry. The next time I drink, I definitely won’t come home.”

I stared at him intently.

He kept standing with a slightly bent back, his eyes drooping down, avoiding my gaze and he lowered his voice, saying, “I won’t do such a thing in the future anymore, don’t cry.”


I originally didn’t really want to cry but after hearing this, I couldn’t help myself and turned around, walking to the sofa and throwing myself on it, breaking down, all the while my mouth continued to spit out mockery, “Do you know how tired I get from work? My manager asked me to recruit people for such a low salary and even wants me to reach the recruiting mission targets he set every week, if I didn’t, he would deduct my performance bonus wuuuuu. When I was going to work by metro, someone’s stuff got stuck, causing the metro to be late for 2 minutes. I couldn’t reach the elevator in time so in the end, I had to climb up the stairs until I reached the office ok wuuu. What right do you have to be able to request a leave of absence whenever you want. Are you even as pitiful as I am? You don’t need to suffer through the crowd at the metro on the way to work, you don’t need to wear high heels, and you don’t need to climb up the stairs. You even took a leave of absence just to think at home while I couldn’t even do that, what right do you have to request that, you virgin, I even..” At this point, I couldn’t help but start hiccuping.

The biggest problem this b!tch Yu Haiqiao had was that, for some reason, he particularly didn’t like seeing me cry. Every time I cried, he would immediately be at a loss, emitting an air that said “I have completely no idea what you women have to cry about, why are you so proficient in crying, and f*ck, are you going to cry until you become dehydrated”. He even faintly emitted a perplexed gaze that expressed “Shi Ran is crying, is she up to no good again?”

His voice floated over from the sofa side, “What if I let you drive my car?”

“Your car is so ugly, and I don’t even know how to drive.” I replied in the midst of my hiccups.

“I’ll start driving you to work from now on?”

“Your…workplace is a city away from me, what do you mean you’ll drive me!” I felt even more frustrated.

“Then what should I do?” Yu Haiqiao seemed to have gotten infected by my anxiousness, his voice sounding a little worried, “Aiyo, stop crying, otherwise, don’t go to work.” He even mocked in a low voice, “A fierce woman’s tears wouldn’t make you look like a tear-stained beauty ok? It’s actually even a little scary.”

I laid on the sofa and bawled, feeling as if the pressure I was feeling as of late, was gushing out. After that, the nerves called rationality pulled me and I started to reflect why I had cried myself into such a mess. After thinking for a long time, I felt that I shouldn’t cry for a loss and cleared my throat to ask, “Did you list me down as the beneficiary to your inheritance and insurance?”

Yu Haiqiao answered, “The first beneficiary naturally goes to the spouse.” After a while, he suddenly seemed to have realized something wrong, “You wouldn’t be having thoughts about strangling me in my sleep or poisoning my food just for the sake of gaining a little bit of insurance, would you?”

“….” I immediately cried.

Yu Haiqiao carefully let me know, “The laws of modern society are very comprehensive. The police aren’t just also lazing around.”

I continued to make crying sounds.


Yu Haiqiao said, “I’ll give you my salary card, there should be a bit of a deposit from having worked a few years.”

I simply didn’t want the man’s stupid money. I just cried in front of him because I wanted to make him uncomfortable and since this strategy didn’t work, I adopted another strategy, “You really are a virgin wuuuuu.”

“…..” Yu Haiqiao didn’t speak.

In the middle of his odd silence, I let out a chuckle, immediately feeling refreshed before getting up from the sofa and rubbing my eyes, smacking Yu Haiqiao’s shoulders heavily, “Dog Yu, there is so much for you to learn.”

Yu Haiqiao looked at me with deep eyes for a goodwill before curving his eyes slightly and smiling quite innocently, “Alright.”

After that, the number of times Yu Haiqiao and I did it was quite stable, it was just that, whenever we had s*x and I recalled the shitty look he had the next morning after our first time, it instantly made me reflexively kick him off the bed.

This b!tch simply didn’t deserve to have a s*x life. He only deserved to beat his stick to mosaiced porn.

KMH – TOC for advanced chapters [Complete]

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