Chapter 27

Yu Haiqiao made me feel sad so I pulled some tissues out to blow my nose with, all the while reproaching him, “What are you doing? Are you bullying me for not being able to write as well as you? From now, I’m going to look up comprehensive collections of cheesy-pick up lines on the internet, like this is the back of my hand, this is the back of my foot, you are whatever…¹The whole sentence is actually This is the back of my hand, this is the back of my foot, you are my baby. This doesn’t make sense translated to English but in Chinese, you pronounce it as 这是手背 这是脚背 你是我的宝贝 Zhe shi shou bei, zhe shi jiao bei, ni shi wo de bao bei. As you can see, every line ends with bei, which makes for a cheesy pick-up line.”

Yu Haiqiao said, “You are my baby.”

“…..” I looked at him and he also looked at me. I couldn’t help but burst into a chuckle.

Yu Haiqiao blinked and then grabbed my hand to cover one of his slightly reddish cheeks, wearing an innocent and pitiful expression, “You even gave me a slap.”

I hissed and retracted my hand from his grasp. Then, I leaned in to take a closer look at his face.

—Dear God, how heartbreaking.

I lowered my head and kissed his face, then wrapped my arms around his head, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It was my fault.” I shifted my body to start blowing on his face gently, but in the middle, I couldn’t help but competitively mutter, “I was utterly fluttered and exasperated. When women are angry, you should stay farther away from them. Why the heck did you come closer?”

Yu Haiqiao also whispered, “Damn it. Isn’t that what a domineering president does? When the female leads get angry, they’d rush up to seal their mouth. They’d even domineeringly say, ‘You’re my woman, you can’t be sad without my permission’!”

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“…..” R alxshle xu yaxp qasx Zw Tykikys yde zssjle yv bkx pwprknkswpzu, cltkddkdt vs eswcv oblvbla vbkp keksv’p kdvlzzktldnl oypd’v kd vbl pnsrl sq vbl bwxyd yhlaytl, “Ebyv esxkdllakdt ralpkeldv yal usw alqlaakdt vs?”

Zw Tykikys tyhl xl vbl pkel-lul, “Ebyv lzpl kq dsv qsa vbl q*njkdt ‘Mbl Psxkdllakdt Valpkeldv Wlzz Rd Nshl Ekvb Yl’?!”

R nsdvkdwle vs lul Zw Tykikys pwprknkswpzu. Zw Tykikys pbkqvle bkp lulp yoyu yde vwadle bkp blye vs xl, “Rv bwavp, jkpp kv xsal.”

R saktkdyzzu oydvle vs oykv wdvkz bkp kdvlzzktldnl alnshlale yde nsdvkdwle prlyjkdt vs bkx cwv obld R pyo bkp ale qynl, R nswzed’v blzr cwv qllz yrszstlvkn. R zlydle kd nzspla vs tldvzu rlnj yv bkp qynl, “Rv eslpd’v bwav yduxsal, sj? Qsse csu.”

Zw Tykikys pweeldzu alynble swv bkp yaxp yde bwttle xl. Tl vwadle bkp blye yde jkpple xu zkrp. R vakle vs prlyj cwv nswze sdzu zlv swv xwqqzle xsydp qsa y zsdt obkzl, vaukdt vs pyu “Gal usw alyzzu vbl alkdnyadyvksd sq y est? Ebu es usw yzoyup ckvl rlsrzl lhlaueyu?” Jwv clnywpl R nswzed’v srld xu xswvb, R nswzed’v xyjl ydu pswdep.

Gqvla y obkzl, Zw Tykikys’p bydep dyvwayzzu vayhlzzle vs vbl kdpkel sq xu nzsvblp. R vakle vs vlzz bkx vbyv vbl zktbvp olal pvkzz sd yde ol pvkzz byed’v lyvld yduvbkdt.

Uskdnkeldvyzzu, jdsnjp yzps alpswdele qasx vbl ldvaydnl, yzsdt okvb vbl osaep, “Rp ydusdl blal? R’x blal vs elzkhla vbl tasnlaklp.”

“…..”

“…..”

Yu Haiqiao let go of me and I tidied up my clothes, rolling my eyes at him silently. He was still crouched on the ground so I went to open the door but just as I stood up, he grabbed my hand. I looked at him and said, “I’m going to open the door, go play by yourself at the side.”

Yu Haiqiao gritted his teeth, “My legs are all numb and now I can’t stand up!”

“…..” As expected, you can’t look at Yu Haiqiao the same as how you usually look at others. I laughed on the inside as I helped this old man up. I then seated him at the sofa before jogging to the door.

After receiving my groceries and giving thanks, I closed the door and found Yu Haiqiao hammering his legs on the sofa. I placed the groceries in the kitchen and couldn’t help but mock, “Dog Yu, you really are uniquely dumb.”

Yu Haiqiao suddenly said some surprising words, “You hit me.”

“…..?” I gritted my teeth.

Yu Haiqiao said, “Do you have any eggs? Cook some eggs so I can roll them on my face. Don’t you like my face? Now that my face is swollen, if I turn my head back, you might discard me again.”

“……” I had no choice but to suffer in silence, turning to get eggs from the fridge.

Yu Haiqiao then piped up again, “I really wanna eat egg drop soup.”

I replied, “Eat my ass!”

Yu Haiqiao muttered, “You hit me.”

“…..”

The f*ck! Why did b!tches like him exist in this world!! I thought angrily as I cracked eggs in the kitchen.

**

I boiled eggs in water for 5 minutes and let it rest for another minute. When I threw the eggs to Yu Haiqiao, he looked at me impatiently. Without the slightest doubt, if I didn’t take any action, he would’ve reminded me about the matter of having slapped him once more.

I walked towards him and sat down on the sofa arm rest, peeling the shell of the egg. I peeled in silence and lowered my head to look at him. Lifting his face with one hand, I took the warm egg and rolled it on his face, gently warning him, “Enough of taking advantage of my weakness today, you’ll probably say I flipped out in the future.”

Yu Haiqiao raised his head and looked at me. He curled his lips and curved his eyes, remaining silent without a word of agreement.

I rolled the egg on his face for a few minutes and after I was done, I left a gentle kiss on his forehead, “Done!” I retracted my hand, about to give the egg for Yu Haiqiao to hold. Yu Haiqiao reached out a hand slowly to take it and used his other hand to rub the place the egg was rolled at. He then rubbed his forehead and with lowered eyes, he said, “Shi Ran, you took advantage of me. You have to take responsibility for me.”

I said, “Alright. I’ll take responsibility for you. Who told me to be such a responsible person?”

I was not like those gutless people who didn’t dare admit that their logic was bullshit. I, Shi Ran, was magnanimous and wouldn’t argue with him. I’d even let him brag.

Wh-Who told…

Who told him to be such a b!tch? Heh.

**

I had put too much water in the egg drop soup for Yu Haiqiao that you couldn’t even see the egg pieces. Yu Haiqiao saw me look antsy and walked into the kitchen with a solemn gaze. He stared at the egg drop soup before turning to look at me, “Didn’t I say I want to eat egg drop soup? Does the sumptuous feast that you cooked for three years only have a success rate of 50-50?”

I felt a little embarrassed and tried to cover it with a silly smile. Covering my stomach, I ran to the living room and even happily sighed, “I’m so hungry. Why don’t we order takeout?”

Yu Haiqiao yelled, “No takeout. This daddy will cook.” Clangs rang out of the kitchen as I sat in the living room, secretly turning my head to take glances. With his back to the kitchen door, he started taking out the groceries I bought while grumbling, “I’m such a fool. I dropped by to be scolded by you, dropped by to be hit by you and now I’ve even dropped by to cook for you. In this life, I don’t have anything I like to eat, I can only eat the egg drop soup that you can’t even make well. Oh how bitter my life is.”

I probingly asked, “Didn’t you eat enough of it when I cooked for you last time?”

Yu Haiqiao continued to say, “Who told you to only know how to make egg drop soup? You can’t even make them well. Do you even have any skills to make other dishes?!”

“…..”

Yu Haiqiao said, “This daddy cooked meals for you for three years. If we quarreled and I asked you to get takeout, you would get angry and return to your own home. I would even have to travel miles just to cook for you.”

I maintained composure, “Heyheyhey you sound like a nagging housewife.”

Yu Haiqiao turned to look at me, “Your kitchen’s utensils aren’t nice. Wanna go back home?”

I reflexively said, “Didn’t we just get our divorce certificate today, we shouldn’t move that quick.”

Yu Haiqiao narrowed his eyes on me.

I immediately justified myself, “Perhaps after spending two days as a single man, you’ll truly find happiness in being single.”

Yu Haiqiao continued to narrow his eyes at me, “Are you playing and then discarding me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “Fine. It’s going to be the end of the year. I’m gonna be busy with work and was even scolded by the leader today. Let’s talk about this once the year is over.”

Yu Haiqiao’s ears drooped down, unhappiness written all over his face as he turned his head back and continued chopping the vegetables. I wanted to go help him wash the vegetables and he silently continued to cut them.

I leaned closer to him and pecked his cheek. Even though this action was quite unreasonable, the effect of currying favor was evidently present. Yu Haiqiao’s brows jumped and though he tried his best to ignore me, he couldn’t help but glare at me, “Shi Ran, you’re f*cking bullying this daddy! You’re bullying this daddy to the extremities!”

I told him cheekily I didn’t know what he was trying to say.

Yu Haiqiao’s expression eased up and he retracted his gaze from my face, putting away the dishes with a gentle expression, “Whatever you say. As long as you’re happy.”

KMH – TOC for advanced chapters [Complete]