Chapter 62: Lost

Today was the end-of-term ceremony. The first term would end today, and we’d be entering summer break. It was long, but also short… It was short, but also long… I was approaching the end of the tempestuous first semester.

A lot of things had happened. I got the feeling that my daily life was different from the “Love Flowers” that I knew. I was still a first-grader, so there might’ve been some parts that weren’t in the game, like what I’d experienced. Or so I had thought, but now I knew. This world had become a completely different one from the game “Love Flowers”.

Lady Sakuya, Satsuki-chan, Azami-chan and her followers, Ibuki and Enju… the people who hadn’t appeared in the game like my brother, Mizuki, and Kaya-san… they were all different than in the game “Love Flowers”.

I thought the world would progress basically the same as “Love Flowers” did, but if I didn’t think of this as a different world, then I might get caught off-guard by something that I didn’t expect. Even if that weren’t the case, the world of “Love Flowers” that Lady Sakuya lived in was a cruel one. I had to be careful.

“Then, Sakuya-sama, goodbye.”

“Farewell, Azami-chan.”

The ceremony had ended, and everyone had started leaving in droves. A lot of people weren’t going to the salon today. They’d be dismissed immediately after the end-of-term ceremony, so they probably wanted to hurry home and do various things. Similarly, I wasn’t going to the salon either. I just hated the crowds, so I planned to wait a while and leave when the crowds disappeared.

I watched everyone going home for a while… Then, when I was one of the only people left in the classroom…

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“Iwfsw-pyd, nyd R vyzj vs usw qsa y plnsde?”

“Myjyvpwjypy-pyxy?”

Odfw bye nsxl vs Uzypp 3 yde nyzzle swv vs xl. Ebu oyp bl blal? Fkdnl bl nyxl, R tsv vbl qllzkdt kv oypd’v yduvbkdt tsse… R eked’v byhl ydu alypsd vs alqwpl bkx, yde R’e jdso dsvbkdt kq R eked’v yv zlypv zkpvld vs obyv bl bye vs pyu.

“R oydv vs byhl y zsdt nsdhlapyvksd okvb usw, ps nyd ol xshl?”

“Twb? Gzaktbv…”

Odfw oyzjle yde R qszzsole bkx. Yspv sq vbl rlsrzl kd vbl byzzoyu bye zlqv, cwv vblal olal y qlo rlsrzl pnyvvlale yaswde. Elal vblu rlsrzl obs oydvle vs yhske vbl nasoep zkjl xl sa olal vblu fwpv blal vs vyzj okvb lhlausdl clnywpl vblu’e clld ekpxkpple lyazu?

G qlo rlsrzl tzydnle yv Odfw yde R oyzjkdt vstlvbla, cwv ds sdl nbyple yqvla sa nyzzle swv vs wp. Rd vbl qkapv rzynl, vbl Wkhl Lsavbp Gppsnkyvksd yde Wkhl Lsavbp qyxkzklp pbswze’hl clld yd yol-kdprkakdt ralpldnl lhld kd vbkp ynyelxu, cwv… R eked’v vbkdj vbyv rlsrzl olal alynvkdt zkjl bso vblu olal clnywpl sq vbyv alypsd, cwv…

“Txx… vbkp xktbv cl qkdl. R’x psaau qsa cakdtkdt usw vbkp qya vs byhl y nsdhlapyvksd.”

“No…”

Enju entered the usual balcony, turned around and said that. This balcony was definitely one that held deep memories for me. I felt like they weren’t very good memories, but…

The best place to go from the first-grade classrooms that was unpopular and where it was hard to hear conversations was here. Well, it was possible that there could be people below who were listening, but if you argued that, then there wasn’t a single place where you could have a secret conversation in the school.

The salon’s doors and walls were thick, but there were probably people gathered inside the salon. Enju had also thought that, so he avoided the salon. The garden had plenty of blind spots, but there were a couple students wandering around. This building didn’t have a rooftop. The other building did have a rooftop, but this building’s rooftop wasn’t flat. The roof was made in the pyramidal Western style, so there wouldn’t be a rooftop in the first place.

If you wanted a place where you could properly hide and have a secret conversation, then… you could go to the other building or an empty classroom and lock the door. But if you didn’t want to be that thorough and also didn’t want to be heard for a while, going to this balcony was the best option. 

“Kujou-san, do you…”

“Yes?”

I listened to Enju, who seemed to be beginning to say something.

“Hate Ibuki?”

“Pfft!?”

Then, a sound spilled out of my mouth…

“Oh… as expected…”

“No… um…”

I still hadn’t said anything. I didn’t say that I hated Ibuki, that I didn’t want him to go near me, or that I didn’t want to be involved with him.

“I did not say…”

“It’s fine. With your position, Kujou-san, you can’t clearly say “I hate Ibuki.””

Was Enju really a first grader? This might be an exaggeration, but the way he thought was so unlike a first grader.

“Um… I don’t have anything to say, but… can’t you… can’t you give Ibuki a slight chance? I’m not saying that I want you to come to like Ibuki. But… can’t you try to get to know each other as friends?”

“…”

…Enju was a good guy. Of course, he probably had his own schemes or calculations involved. But If Ibuki and I—the Konoe and Kujou families—fought, then it’d cause various troubles. If Ibuki and I were hostile, then our respective monryuus would be just as hostile.

It was fine for now. My brother consolidated the Kujou monryuuu. That was why he had a relatively good relationship with Konoe and Takatsukasa. But next year my brother would graduate, so I had to take the reins. I had to do that, even if I didn’t want to. Even if I hated others obeying me or standing above others… if I was forced to, then I had to do it. That was the responsibility of those born in a higher position.

Society probably thought that those born in families with money and power lived easy and comfortable lives. I thought the same in my past life. But if you were actually born to one of those families, I had come to understand that you wouldn’t be living an easy life free of worldly cares.

“Noblesse oblige”¹The concept that with privilege comes responsibility, which was very common for nobles to hold in the past. … you might think that was a little outdated for this age. But in reality, noblesse oblige still existed in the present era.

There were an increasing amount of presidents and executives who only thought about making money instead of fulfilling their responsibilities. Managers originally took all responsibilities for their employees, clients, and even their customers. Making money when you can and not caring that the business would be destroyed afterwards was unacceptable.

Ever since I’d been born into the Kujou family, I wasn’t just showered with adoration. I held responsibility for each of the families that were part of the monryuu. I had responsibility to regulate how the monryuu acted towards people outside it. I had responsibility to protect families that were part of the monryuu from what was outside the monryuu.

If I acted like before… if I ran away because I didn’t want to become a second Lady Sakuya, then there’d be no point in me being here. If I really wanted to run away from my responsibilities, I had to leave the Kujou family and go live on my own. If I didn’t do that, then I had to fulfill my responsibilities as a member of the Kujou family. That was the obligation of everyone born into the Kujou family.

That wasn’t just for me. Ibuki, Enju, Azami-chan, Satsuki-chan… they’d all been living like that too. The responsibilities they shouldered may have been different, but everyone was still fulfilling them. It couldn’t be forgiven if I was the only one of them who evaded my responsibilities.

“From now on, and up until my brother graduates… you want me to gather the Kujou monryuu and manage them so that they will not rashly fight with the Konoe and Takatsukasa monryuus. That is what you are saying, yes?”

“Huh?!”

“Huh?”

I checked with Enju, and he looked at me surprised for some reason. I tilted my head. There was a possibility that Enju thought it’d be a problem if I, who was hostile towards Ibuki right now, became the head of the Kujou monryuu next. Wasn’t he telling me to bring the whole monryuu together properly?

“Umm, you know… Kujou-san?”

“Yes?”

Ibuki pressed his hand to his forehead for some reason, and I said “Yes” to show I was listening.

“I don’t know why you’re talking about that, but… I just want you and Ibuki… to at least become friends. That’s all I’m saying, you know?”

“Huh?”

Me becoming Ibuki’s friend… was he implicitly telling me to bow down to the Konoe monryuu? Something like saying “Oh, my bosom friend, whatever is yours is mine”?

“It looks like you’re still thinking pretty complex things, but… I just want you and Ibuki to be friends. That didn’t come across?”

“Umm…”

Becoming friends with Ibuki… why? Why did I have to be friends with him? Ibuki was the devil who’d betray, degrade, and send Lady Sakuya to hell in the future. Become friends with that guy? Why would I trap myself and become friends with the enemy?

“I think you made a huge leap in assumptions, but… I really just want you two to be friends. Oh! Then, become friends with me. Okay? Kujou-san, from today onwards, you and I are friends.”

“Hmm~…”

What was he saying? Enju was the fiend who’d bring Lady Sakuya to ruin, right? He appeared in even unrelated routes and always ruined Lady Sakuya like it was a running gag or really just a joke. They were people who could laugh at stuff like that.

This world was definitely different from “Love Flowers”. Since it was a different world, the developments had also changed. But I couldn’t be complacent here. These guys destroyed Lady Sakuya as they breathed. It was as if they couldn’t help but doing so…

Of course, the developers of “Love Flowers” thought of the scenarios and created them. Ibuki and Enju in the game could only move according to said scenarios. But really, even without any prior contact, and even in completely unrelated routes, they’d destory Lady Sakuya like they were just playing a prank on her. Could I forgive them? I couldn’t, right?

The developers may have just gone too far and thought it’d be interesting to have the single-act Lady Sakuya get ruined comically in the end. But did they understand how the person being ruined must’ve felt? Did they know how many painful memories Lady Sakuya had?

Even if this world was different than “Love Flowers”… I didn’t know when they’d bare their fangs against Lady Sakuya. Malice from the developersl might even appear in this world. And when they bared their fangs because of that malice… I couldn’t do anything. The world’s malice—which was the developers’ malice—would become the ultimate divine will that characters who appeared in the world couldn’t control.

“…Kujou-san, I understand a little how much you hate Ibuki, and how much you hate me. But… even so! I’m begging you! Please give Ibuki a chance!”

“Takatsukasa-sama…”

Enju was… desperately bowing his head towards me. Takatsukasa Enju… that Takatsukasa Enju was bowing his head towards Lady Sakuya…

What should I do? If this was another trap, what should I do? Maybe, even if he didn’t mean it as a trap, it’d result in Lady Sakuya being at the mercy of the malice of the world.

But… he went this far… I made him go this far… could I ignore this? And… maybe if I… became true friends with Ibuki and Enju…

“—-gah!”

What… was I thinking just now? Was I moved by his display? If I treated them naively, they’d get close to Lady Sakuya, make use of her, and ruin her half-playfully when she was of no use to them. Depending on the situation, there were endings where I really died. Becoming friends with those guys…

I… I…!

“Ah!”

I heard Enju’s voice from behind me. But I didn’t turn around and just ran off. I didn’t have time to care that I couldn’t run down the hallways. I just singlemindedly ran towards the roundabout.

　　～～～～～～～

I lay on my side in my bed and looked up at the canopy. What should I do?

If this was a normal world… then I’d be thinking something like “Why not try to get closer to Ibuki and Enju?”. Then I’d just distance myself from them if it didn’t work out. I could become friends with them for now and stop if it didn’t work out. If we did get closer, that’d be pretty lucky and think it went well.

But… could I be that naive? Even though this was different from the game “Love Flowers”, it was a world that was basically very similar to it. If Lady Sakuya was going to be ruined even in this world, those two would absolutely have something to do with it.

If I kept my distance from the beginning and didn’t get involved with him, I might’ve be able to avoid those destruction flags. But there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t hold resentment for me and use the fact that we were on bad terms to ruin me if I did something wrong.

This was different from the game. I couldn’t restart. This was my single genuine life. A decision that I made wouldn’t only decide Lady Sakuya’s fate, but also that of the Kujou family.

Even now, I had repeatedly told my dad not to do illegal things. My dad shouldn’t have been the type to do that in the first place. I could probably avoid the route where his illegal actions were revealed and we went into ruin. But I still didn’t know. What would happen…? And it wasn’t always about illegality in the game. That component did appear, but there were other factors that could directly ruin me.

“What on earth should I do…?”

A voice that didn’t sound like my own… a frail girl’s voice said that in an empty room.