Chapter 20: Forced to the Counselling Room

She was red-faced and making objections, but Azami-chan was definitely a good kid who thought of her friends. She would get absolutely furious at her enemies, so she might’ve seemed like someone with a harsh personality. But that wasn’t all she was. She was adored by her followers and was very kind to her friends; she’d never abandon them. If it was for her friends, she’d fight someone a higher rank than her fair and square without stepping back.

So, Azami-chan’s followers also relied on and trusted her. She was sharp and wouldn’t abandon her friends. She also didn’t treat them lightly just because they were her followers. Instead, she treated everyone like friends despite family status. If one of her followers had any problems, she’d sense immediately and lend a hand. She was a very good kid.

Speaking of that… wasn’t Azami-chan more suited to being the rival than Lady Sakuya was…? No… maybe Lady Sakuya was like the typical villainess you’d see in drawings.

Well, that was fine. I was focusing on Azami-chan and Satsuki-chan right now.

If Azami-chan was the enthusiastic leader type, Satsuki-chan was the calm and collected staff officer type. She was always smiling on the surface and would never let her true feelings show. However, behind that smile was someone who’d destroy Lady Sakuya’s opponents mercilessly.

Azami-chan and Satsuki-chan had opposite personalities, or rather, were a duo with good contrast, so they stood out as Lady Sakuya’s close aides. I was worried that those two weren’t getting along well, but it looked like I wasn’t seeing right. Azami-chan was looking over Satsuki-chan. Because of that, she noticed that Satsuki-chan was acting unusual, and went to ask me about it herself.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know why something was off with Satsuki-chan. I’d tried to ask her, but we didn’t talk about it so the cause was still unknown. I hadn’t known whether it’d be a good idea to press the issue, so I was wavering on whether I’d made the right choice.

For example, if something happened with your family, there were probably things you wouldn’t want your friends at school to really question you about. If she wanted me to listen because it’d make her feel better, then I’d listen all she wanted, but if she didn’t want to tell me, then maybe it wasn’t a good idea to force it out of her.

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“R bye ypjle Fyvpwjk-nbyd kq psxlvbkdt bye byrrldle, cwv pbl eke dsv vlzz xl. R es dsv jdso obu pbl kp qllzkdt esod… R osdela obyv’p tskdt sd…”

“Ebyv? Zsw esd’v jdso lkvbla? Mbld obu dsv fwpv tlv kv swv sq bla?”

Ls… Ggyxk-nbyd? Elal usw dsv zkpvldkdt? R pyke R’e ypjle bla, cwv pbl eked’v ydpola, aktbv? Fsxlvkxlp kv tlvp lhld osapl obld vbl rlapsd vblxplzhlp eslpd’v oydv vs pyu kv cwv kp kdvlaastyvle. Xq nswapl, vblal olal vkxlp oblal usw bye vs qsankczu tlv blyhkzu kdhszhle, cwv R eked’v jdso oblvbla vbkp oyp sdl sq vbspl vkxlp sa dsv.

Mblal oyp yzoyup vbl rsppkckzkvu vbyv R’e xlpp lhlauvbkdt wr kq R rsjle xu dspl kdvs vbl kppwl, yde pkdnl Fyvpwjk-nbyd eked’v oydv vs pyu kv, xyucl kv oyp clvvla dsv vs rwapwl kv…

“Zsw… usw’al vbkdjkdt ycswv rskdvzlpp vbkdtp yduoyu, aktbv?”

“…bwb?”

Vskdvzlpp vbkdtp?

“Zsw jdso! Zsw’al vbyv tkaz’p qaklde, aktbv? Fs, kq usw’hl dsvknle vbyv pbl’p ynvkdt pvaydtl, ts yde ypj bla ycswv kv! Rv eslpd’v xyvvla kq pbl blaplzq eslpd’v oydv vs pyu kv! Rq pbl qkdep kv byae vs pyu sa blpkvyvlp, vbyv eslpd’v xlyd usw pbswze cynj esod! Rq usw’al qakldep, ts yde ypj bla yduoyu!”

“Oh…”

Right… that was also true…

I was thinking of a response appropriate for ‘adults’… a business-like response that involved not carelessly invading someone else’s territory and keeping the proper distance. 

I wasn’t saying that response was a bad thing. There were also times when it was needed. But it wasn’t an appropriate response for ‘friends’.

If it was just an acquaintanceship between adults, then that was definitely fine. If you asked the other and they didn’t want to say it, you wouldn’t forcibly interrogate them. You were colleagues who met at work, but didn’t meet outside of it. You’d answer questions about your personal life if they asked, but you wouldn’t randomly ask them about theirs.

That response was suitable in those scenarios. It was alright if you were only colleagues, acquaintances, or work clients.

But that was a very dry relationship, like how you’d act with a colleague who you wouldn’t contact for matters outside work once you left the office.

I had said that I could feel some distance between Satsuki-chan and I. But wasn’t that also what Satsuki-chan thought of me? Had I really been treating Satsuki-chan as a friend? Hadn’t I been the one who was standoffish and made it only a superficial relationship?

The fact that I had only noticed now… and finally noticed because a first grade girl had said so… I was an idiot…

I was trying to live too craftily because of the memories I held of my past life… No matter how many memories I had, I was still a first-grader, and the people I talked to were also first-grade girls. If I tried to respond ‘adult-like’ to them, then no wonder I wasn’t able to become good friends with them.

“Thank you, Azami-chan…”

“I said, don’t call me… well, it’s fine. Then, please do something about it afterwards.”

Azami-chan said just that, and returned to her own faction again. It’d be best if I avoided going up to Satsuki-chan right now since Azami-chan just approached me at the Five Norths Association salon. The Five Norths Association would band together against enemies: both ones from outside and Touka Academy’s. But there were factions within the Five Norths Association, so it was hard to say that they were always one unit.

Azami-chan and Satsuki-chan were still part of different factions right now. They weren’t publicly enemies, but they definitely weren’t on good terms. If I walked up to Satsuki-chan right now, there was a good chance that she’d think I’d come to mess with her after some command from Azami-chan.

I wanted to talk to Satsuki-chan, but I also wanted to avoid being seen by her faction. I didn’t know what Satsuki-chan was worrying about. Because of that, I should probably go over, ask her right now, and help her even if I’m meddling or if she doesn’t want me to, but… that was impossible in the current situation.

Tomorrow… Tomorrow I’d make contact with Satsuki-chan at the Five Norths Association salon and get it out of her. Even if she hated me, didn’t want me to be around, or didn’t want to talk!

I decided not to forcibly make contact with Satsuki-chan today, and instead make preparations for tomorrow.

　　～～～～～～～

It was the next day. I’d thought of many possible ways this could go, and decided to make contact with Satsuki-chan during lunch break. The normal break time was too short, and there were too many people around. If it was a situation that she could talk about where someone might hear, then she would’ve told me yesterday. Since she didn’t, it wasn’t a stretch of the imagination to think that it was a matter she didn’t want people hearing about.

“Satsuki-chan, could you perhaps share this table with me?”

“Huh…? Yes… I will.”

She looked a little surprised when I called out to her at lunch, but accepted my offer and sat across from me. We didn’t really talk much during the meal, and I waited for an opportunity.

“Then… there’s something you want to talk about, right?”

“Huh?”

As I was thinking about how and when I’d want to breach the topic, Satsuki-chan beat me to it and brought it up. It looked like she knew I was here because I wanted to say something to her. At any rate, the students of Touka Academy would always amaze me.

My brother, Yoshizane, was so tactful and thoughtful that he didn’t seem like a sixth-grader. Azami-chan was also reliable and looked at her surroundings so well that she didn’t seem like a first-grader. Then, Satsuki-chan was also so considerate and far-sighted that she didn’t seem like a first-grader either. Were they all really elementary schoolers?, I thought unconsciously; they were all kids who didn’t seem like it.

I had already known that education was important. But, no matter how good the family the kid was raised in was, or how excellent of an education they received, I still looked down on them as just kids. But these kids were dependable enough that they wouldn’t lose to adults. They had discernment and could properly focus on their surroundings and the future.

“Satsuki-chan, are you perhaps worrying about something?”

“…I am not really worrying about anything, though?”

After a little silence, Satsuki-chan smoothly asserted that it was nothing at all. But it was clear that she had some worries or troubles. I could understand that much.

“Perhaps you may not have any worries. But there is something that is bothering you, correct? Would you not like to talk about it?”

“Nothing is…”

I obstinately continued asking, and she avoided my gaze. For Satsuki-chan, who always looked calm, to do that was the same thing as saying she was worrying about something.

“I am not saying I want you to tell me everything. It is alright if you simply complain to me. Don’t keep everything inside, and even if you are just dissatisfied or have complaints you wish to voice, please say them.”

Azami-chan would probably want to hear the full story and forcibly help resolve the situation. But I couldn’t go that far. Satsuki-chan and I weren’t that close, and she didn’t trust me yet.

 But I couldn’t leave her alone, so at the very least I’d listen to her complaints. There were times when talking to people helped collect and organise your thoughts. Also, talking to other people made you feel better than just keeping it inside. Any trivial things were fine, so if I could, just a little…

“Kujou-sama, you have really changed.”

…Satsuki-chan changed the way she addressed me to ‘Kujou-sama’. That was probably intentional. Did she say it to highlight the distance between us? We weren’t close enough to call each other ‘Sakuya-chan’ and ‘Satsuki-chan’, but instead ‘Kujou-sama’ and ‘Saionji-sama’…

“Really… it is not a big thing… it is just that I am being reprimanded for not obeying my family’s orders; such a thing. It is not something I would consult with others about, nor would require assistance from other parties, correct?”

“That’s…”

What Satsuki-chan said was probably true. If mom had gotten mad at me for not following her orders and I’d gotten sad, that wasn’t something I should talk to someone about, and it wasn’t the type of problem that’d be solved if I consulted someone.

“Like what you have said, Satsuki-chan, this is not a problem that will be resolved after talking about it to others. But there is comfort in complaining and telling others about your dissatisfaction, anger, regrets, or whatever you would like. I am not saying I want you to tell me the details. But please do not fake a smile to keep up appearances. At the very least… I want you to be your true self with me, Satsuki-chan.”

I just stared hard at Satsuki-chan. Anything was fine, even ‘I’m sad my family scolded me’, ‘Why couldn’t I do that?’ or ‘Why did I do that?’. I didn’t want her to glue a fake smile on and pretend she was fine, but instead show how she was really feeling. If she was angry or sad, that was fine. I’d accept everything, so…

“…”

“…”

We both… just stared at each other. Satsuki-chan folded first.

“Fuu… understood. I cannot tell the full story, however… I don’t know what to do anymore… I am told to do what my family tells me to do, but… maybe that’s really a good thing after all… should I really be doing that… I don’t know, so I cannot do as they wish…”

Satsuki-chan was talking a little too abstractly, so I didn’t know any of the concrete details. But I understood that Satsuki-chan couldn’t say it.

For example, if my parents advanced marriage proposals with the Konoe or Takatsukasa family, I had to obey. That was originally for the sake of the Kujou family, so I also had to obey and devote myself to the task for the Kujou family. But if my parents did have such a marriage proposal, I would definitely refuse. Even though I knew my parents thought it was for me and the family’s sake, I still wouldn’t have acknowledged it.

I didn’t know what kind of situation Satsuki-chan was in. Even though the surrounding people thought that they were doing things for our sakes, we ourselves might’ve been thinking that it wasn’t great.

I didn’t know if that applied to Satsuki-chan’s conflict, but… I did know that there was a discrepancy between what the person herself wanted and what the others wanted. That was what Satsuki-chan was worrying about now. Her family’s ideas and her own will clashed with each other. That was why they got mad. But them getting mad was the same thing as destroying Satsuki-chan’s own opinion right now.

“I do not know what specifically you are worrying about, Satsuki-chan. But I may be able to understand what type of pain you are feeling. Satsuki-chan, even if you are… searching for a path different from what your family wishes… will you be able to give an answer even when they get angry or destroy your hopes? And could you stick to your answer afterwards?”

“…that’s… true.”

Satsuki-chan slowly nodded. That probably meant she still didn’t have a strong opinion. It didn’t mean that anything was settled. But,maybe she felt just a little lighter.