Chapter 35.1 [TSS 13]

The last time the topic of redeeming her contract was raised was several months ago, but just like the previous time, it was after he met with Jian Yu’er.

This goes to show that, even if the male protagonists harboured feelings for someone else, Jian Yu’er’s influence remained undeniable.

Her originally clear and charming almond-shaped eyes, now accentuated by makeup, had transformed them into captivating phoenix eyes, exuding an endless allure from her brows. Yan Yi Ming broke free from Jian Yu Yan’s embrace, turned around, and said with a trace of regret, “But I still want to sing.”

Jian Yu Yan held her hand and said, “You can sing for me.”

“If I sing only for you, then I’m no longer a performer.” Ah Ming chuckled softly and raised her eyes to ask, “And after I gain my freedom, Zi An, will you bring me back to the Prime Minister’s manor?”

Jian Yu’er could not even accept Ah Ming staying in Plum Blossom Pavilion, so how could she possibly allow Ah Ming to enter the Prime Minister’s residence? Jian Yu Yan fell silent momentarily before gently replying, “Ah Ming, the rules of the Prime Minister’s residence are too strict; it’s not a good place for you. You can choose a place you like, and the manor can be in your name. The servants in the residence will serve you, and no one will restrain you. I’ll also visit you every day.”

“Then how is that any different from being in Plum Blossom Pavilion?” Ah Ming’s smile faded as she looked at him with clear, unwavering eyes. “Zi An, you’re so astute. Don’t you understand what I truly want?”

A legitimate status.

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Kkyd Zw Zyd jdlo vbyv.

Jwv vbyv oyp ralnkplzu vbl sdl vbkdt bl nswze dsv tkhl bla.&dcpr;

“Fsxlsdl sdnl vsze xl vbyv Zswdt Yypvla Kkyd byp y rasxkdldv pvyvwp yde lmvaysaekdyau zssjp. Rq R nswze altykd xu qallesx yde qszzso bkx, lhld yp y nsdnwckdl, kv oswze cl y czlppkdt clusde xlypwal,” Gb Ykdt yavknwzyvle pzsozu. “Hk Gd, nyd usw qyvbsx y twlpp obyv xu alrzu oyp yv vbyv vkxl?”

Kkyd Zw Zyd’p hsknl clnyxl pzktbvzu bsyapl, “Ebyv oyp uswa alrzu?”

“R vsze vblx vbyv kd vbkp zkqlvkxl, lhld kq R ldele wr okvb psxlsdl xleksnal, R oswze dlhla cl y nsdnwckdl—lhld kq vbyv xyd oyp usw,” Gb Ykdt alrzkle okvb y pxkzl, tzydnkdt yv y pvwddle Kkyd Zw Zyd. Fbl nsdvkdwle, “Gv vbyv vkxl, R vsze usw R oyp ds zsdtla rwal, dsv clnywpl R oydvle vs elnlkhl usw, cwv clnywpl R eked’v oydv vs ldvawpv xu vawl qllzkdtp vs usw. Jwv zyvla, R pvkzz qlzz qsa usw. Jynj vbld, R posal R’e dlhla clnsxl y nsdnwckdl wdela ydu nkanwxpvydnlp. Zlv yqvla xllvkdt usw, R vbswtbv, lhld kq kv xlydv clkdt y nsdnwckdl, R’e cl okzzkdt yp zsdt yp kv oyp okvb usw.”

“Gb Ykdt, kv’p dsv vbyv R esd’v oydv vs,” Kkyd Zw Zyd pyke ckvvlazu. “Rq R nswze, R oswze xyaau usw rasrlazu ynnsaekdt vs yzz qsaxyz akvwyzp.”

“Mbld obu nyd’v usw?”

“Zsw zssj vss xwnb zkjl Zw’la. Rq rlsrzl olal vs qkde swv…”

“If people found out, it would ruin your reputation and Young Lady Jian’s as well?” Ah Ming let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Are you more worried about ruining your reputation or hers?”

Jian Yu Yan suddenly felt completely exposed, with nowhere to hide.

Ah Ming sat in front of the bronze mirror, slowly removing the hairpins and ornaments from her hair one by one. Her voice, tinged with sorrow and heartbreak, echoed softly in the room, “People finding out would ruin Young Lady Jian’s reputation. But have you ever considered what it means for me? What kind of reputation would I have if I followed you but was kept hidden away with no status? You only considered the grievances Young Lady Jian might suffer, but have you ever thought about how I feel? The most aggrieved person should be me. Just because my status is low, just because I’ve been looked down upon and mistreated all my life, you think it’s fine for me to endure more…”

Jian Yu Yan wanted to say it was untrue, but he could not find the words to refute her.

From the moment he fell in love with Jian Yu’er, Jian Yu Yan had never cared about how others viewed him. The reason he now had to keep it hidden was simply because Yu’er did not like it. He felt he had wronged Yu’er; if he had not fallen for her in the first place, Yu’er would not have to live in fear and unease.

But when it came to Ah Ming, she was a courtesan who had stood on an unequal footing with Jian Yu’er from the beginning.

She was of low social status and accustomed to being looked down upon. Her reputation had always been poor, so he thought it did not matter if it worsened. He believed that she should be endlessly grateful since he had given her everything and not ask for more.

“Even a light scratch feels unbearable for those who’ve never been hurt. But for those accustomed to pain, even wounds that cut deep and bleed profusely fail to evoke any sympathy,” Ah Ming said with a bitter smile. Tears streamed down her cheeks, smudging her makeup. Her voice cracked, choked with sobs, as she murmured, “Everyone is like this. You are no different. You’re just like them. You’ve never truly respected me. Why did I believe you? Why did I start calling you Zi An?”

Why did I believe you? 

Why did I start calling you Zi An?

His hands unconsciously shook.

Jian Yu Yan’s heart twisted in agony at her words, a pain so overwhelming it felt as if it would consume him.

His beginning with Ah Ming had been disastrous, a terrible start, a painful journey, but somehow, they stumbled into a surprisingly happy ending. Jian Yu Yan had contented himself with the joy Ah Ming brought him, only to realize today that no matter how perfect the ending seemed, the journey had been riddled with wounds and scars.

Yet he knew, with undeniable clarity, that he loved her.

Other than Jian Yu’er, he had never loved another so deeply.

Lately, he even felt he might love Ah Ming more than Jian Yu’er.

Jian Yu Yan suddenly felt lost. He truly wanted to be good to her, wanted to be with her, wanted to hear her address him as ‘Zi An’. The jade pendant Ah Ming had gifted him had always been with him. He clearly cared more for Ah Ming, so why was it that the one he always protected was Jian Yu’er?

Outside, it had started to rain at some point, the sound of the rain pattering steadily. Amidst the rain, Ah Ming’s voice pierced through, eerily clear, “Young Lady Jian won’t let me into the Jian’s residence. Young Lady Jian won’t let me stay in Plum Blossom Pavilion. What if one day, Young Lady Jian doesn’t even let me stay in the capital? What then?”

Jian Yu Yan’s heart skipped a beat. 

Because not long ago, Jian Yu’er cried and begged him to send Ah Ming away. He opened his mouth, his voice hoarse and uncertain. “Yu’er… wouldn’t be so unreasonable.”

“Even if she’s being unreasonable, you wouldn’t see it that way,” Ah Ming replied with a mocking laugh. “Just like how you inexplicably wanted me to leave Plum Blossom Pavilion.” 

She paused before continuing, “I won’t leave Plum Blossom Pavilion. I’ll be nothing if I leave—not even a courtesan anymore. My status may not match Young Lady Jian’s, but my status is not something to be ashamed of. If Young Master Jian also thinks I’m someone to be ashamed of, then… there’s no need for you to come -“

“Ah Ming!” Jian Yu Yan interrupted sharply, his voice thunderous. How could she say something so heartless?

Ah Ming was silenced by his stern voice, unable to finish her sentence. She turned to look at him, her eyes filled with endless despair and defiance. Clenching her fists, she bit her lip hard to keep herself from crying and said, “Do you know how grateful I once was for this face of mine is how much I loathe it now.” 

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “If only I didn’t look so much like her, I wouldn’t have to deceive myself into believing that the things you said were actually meant for me.”

With that, Ah Ming, unable to endure it any longer, retreated behind the screen. A short while later, a young maid timidly emerged and said to Jian Yu Yan, “Young Master Jian… Miss said she won’t be attending to you tonight. Perhaps you would like to stay in the adjacent room instead…”

Jian Yu Yan ignored her and stepped out of Ah Ming’s room. Outside, the rain fell continuously, soaking his face and clothes. After a long while, Jian Yu Yan suddenly let out a choked laughter.

Those words… they were truly meant for you…

If possible, I also wish you and Yu’er would not look so alike.