Chapter 71

T/W: NSFW, disturbing imagery and language, violence

Although Lin Xigu had wanted to see She Xiao at the first opportunity, he had one more task to accomplish first; he and his dad had to drop off his mom at the airport.

Ji Qiong’s flight was at 9 p.m. that night. She had insisted on waiting for Lin Xigu to finish all of his exams before leaving, so they were extremely crunched for time.

Lin Xigu sent She Xiao a text:

Congratulations to my boyfriend for successfully completing his exams! See you tomorrow!

She Xiao replied:

See you tomorrow.

In truth, now that the exams were truly over, Lin Xigu’s feelings didn’t quite live up to the level of joy and excitement he had thought was waiting for him on the other side. It wasn’t as liberating as he had imagined and he felt overwhelmingly hollow on the inside.

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“What would I be yelling?” Lin Xigu asked.

“You never said anything; you would just scream. You were making your old dad’s hair go white in handfuls,” his dad ruffled his hair. “You’re a romantic too, just like me. You let your emotions run free; you’ve made a home for them in your bones, but you don’t have an ounce of guile to steer them.”

Lin Xigu rubbed his nose, too embarrassed to comment.

His emotions had wormed their way into his bones. He had etched She Xiao into his bones and there was no removing him anymore.

The airport was pretty close to where they used to live, so he and his dad didn’t plan to go back to She Xiao’s city that night. The next morning, Lin Xigu would head back on his own, while his dad had to return to the company and hunker down to do some serious overtime. A lot of things had piled up at his company, having been left unresolved for a long time.

His dad made him promise several times that he wouldn’t get hurt, wouldn’t go to She Xiao’s house, and would keep himself safe at all costs. At that point, Lin Xigu would have said yes to anything his dad asked, as long as it meant he was allowed to go see She Xiao.

By the time Lin Xigu finished packing and lay down in bed, it was already midnight. Lin Xigu sent She Xiao a text asking if he was still awake and telling him to wait for him.

She Xiao replied,

Of course. I’ll be waiting.

Satisfied, Lin Xigu tucked his phone under his pillow. They were going to meet up the next day for the graduation party. Their entire class would be there. Lin Xigu had bought Li Balei a present as well, with plans to give it to her the next day.

That night, Lin Xigu tossed and turned in his sleep. Perhaps it was the overexcitement of reunion that caused him to dream ceaselessly.

They were not all nightmares, but the dreams were so vivid and scrambled that he did not sleep well.

At four in the morning, Lin Xigu gave up on sleeping. He sat up in bed, watching the already lightening sky and frowned. He didn’t know why, but his heart was knotted in a tight tangle that made his chest hurt.

Lin Xigu found himself pondering whether he would be able to spend every night going forward sleeping in She Xiao’s arms.

No, She Xiao will still have to go home. There’s still that demon that he has to protect his mother from. He can’t just run away.

His heart started to race. Lin Xigu patted his chest, confused about what was happening to his body.

Still sitting, he spent a long time trying to calm his nerves, but he couldn’t rid himself of a deeply uneasy feeling. He couldn’t sit still. He wanted to get up and pace.

It was probably because he wanted to see She Xiao as soon as possible.

Frowning, Lin Xigu picked up the phone to call She Xiao. Although he knew that he would be interrupting She Xiao’s sleep at this time of day, he had to hear She Xiao’s voice immediately. It was impossible to remain calm otherwise.

He couldn’t make his anxiety go away.

She Xiao did not answer. Lin Xigu called three times with no response.

She Xiao always slept lightly when he was at home, and was always alert. There was no reason for him to miss three calls in a row.

Lin Xigu froze for a moment before suddenly throwing off the covers and leaping out of bed.

He didn’t bother putting on slippers as he sprinted to the bathroom to wash up. After hastily drying his hair with a towel, he changed his clothes, put on his shoes, and bolted out the door.

Clutching his phone like a lifeline, he dialled She Xiao’s number over and over.

She Xiao never answered.

In the taxi, Lin Xigu’s throat began to burn. It felt like it was about to catch fire.

Why wasn’t She Xiao picking up?

What happened?

Did he lose his phone?

In a hoarse voice, Lin Xigu gave the driver the name of the city. The driver glanced at him and said, “No can do, kid. I’m off the clock at seven.”

Lin Xigu turned to get out of the car.

The driver added, “If you really want to go, it’ll cost extra.”

Lin Xigu croaked, “Name your price.”

The driver looked at him through the rearview mirror. “¥800.”

“Fine, let’s go.”

Sitting in the backseat, Lin Xigu called She Xiao’s number repeatedly but each attempt ended with the same frustrating beep and a robotic female voice on the other end telling him his call could not be connected.

His whole body was shaking.

He had no idea how he made it through the two-hour car ride. He couldn’t remember anything.

He only knew that when he arrived at She Xiao’s compound, his legs nearly gave out as he climbed out of the car.

His hands were trembling so much that he could barely hold his wallet. He struggled to pull out a wad of bills and tossed them onto the backseat before running into the compound.

With every step, his chest burned.

The pain blurred his vision.

Someone walked out of the building and Lin Xigu squeezed in behind them, running up the stairs to She Xiao’s apartment. He pounded on She Xiao’s door.

There was no sound from inside.

Where was She Xiao?

Where had She Xiao gone?

Lin Xigu knocked for ten minutes straight. At this point, he would have been relieved even if that unhinged maniac had been the one who answered, as long as it meant he could find out where She Xiao was, what happened to him.

But only a heavy, unsettling silence greeted him from the other side of the door.

Struck by a sudden thought, Lin Xigu turned and dashed downstairs, taking the stairs four or five steps at a time and covering an entire flight of stairs with just two strides. He jumped the remaining steps. He had never run so fast before.

His heart pounded violently against his chest until it was battered and bruised.

Lin Xigu ran all the way back to his old house, gasping for breath and on the verge of vomiting.

The numbers on the elevator panel ticked up one by one. When the elevator doors finally opened, Lin Xigu’s legs gave out completely, and he collapsed onto his knees inside the elevator.

He could barely see anything in front of him, coughing so hard it felt like he was about to cough up a lung.

His soulbrand, the person tattooed on his bones, was sitting on his doorstep.

He saw She Xiao rise to his feet. Lin Xigu couldn’t stop coughing. He wanted to reach out and grab She Xiao’s hand, but when he saw She Xiao’s hand, he froze, his hand shrinking back involuntarily.

She Xiao didn’t let him pull away; he grabbed Lin Xigu’s hand and pulled him out of the elevator.

The skin between their palms was sticky and slippery.

The overwhelming stench of blood filled Lin Xigu’s nostrils. He was coughing so hard that tears and snot smeared his face.

She Xiao didn’t say a word. He fished the keys from Lin Xigu’s pocket and unlocked the door.

Lin Xigu forgot how to breathe. He stared down at the hand holding his, a hand from which blood was dripping nonstop.

She Xiao pushed him inside and closed the door.

The moment the door clicked shut, Lin Xigu’s legs gave out and he crumpled onto the floor. He lifted his head to look at She Xiao, his voice shaking so much that it was hardly intelligible, “She Xiao… why didn’t you answer the phone… you nearly scared me to death…”

She Xiao was deathly pale. There was no colour in his lips.

Lin Xigu closed his eyes. The gaps between his bones were vibrating in excruciating pain.

She Xiao was soaked… in blood.

Soaked.

There was nothing but blood.

Lin Xigu had never seen so much blood in his life. He stood to get a towel from the bathroom, to get the first aid kit so he could treat the wound on She Xiao’s hand but as soon as he did, She Xiao tugged him into his arms.

She Xiao’s face was buried in his neck, and Lin Xigu could feel She Xiao’s breath — faint and trembling.

He was squeezing so tightly that Lin Xigu found it difficult to breathe.

She Xiao started kissing his lips.

The trembling kisses passed between their lips. Their lips were trembling, their teeth chattering. Lin Xigu’s tongue grew numb from She Xiao’s hungry attention, She Xiao biting his lips hard enough to draw blood.

Lin Xigu had not heard She Xiao utter a single word. He had no idea what had happened but he was already drowning in despair.

The kind of despair that cloaked the heavens and darkened the seas, that cast its weighty shadow over the sands of the earth and left no place to hide.

The heavy, metallic smell of blood filled Lin Xigu’s lungs. He discovered for the first time what blood truly smelled like.

It was a terrifying scent.

“She Xiao… what happened… what happened to you…?” Lin Xigu asked, his voice muddled, as he held She Xiao tightly in return.

She Xiao kissed away Lin Xigu’s tears again and again, pressing kisses to his eyes.

Lin Xigu’s eyelashes, damp with tears, brushed against She Xiao’s lips — they were so soft, so fragile.

The sight of Lin Xigu crying always tugged at his heartstrings. Always made him want to kiss him, to comfort him. 

She Xiao pressed his pale lips to Lin Xigu’s eyes repeatedly, as if asking him to stop crying.

The blood from his hands soaked through Lin Xigu’s clothes and stained his skin.

Lin Xigu’s heart began to throb with a sharp, agonizing pain. He sobbed as he held onto She Xiao and screamed.

He suddenly recognized the cruel mockery behind fate’s handiwork.

He buried his face in She Xiao’s shoulder and screamed, trembling in his embrace.

She Xiao ran his fingers through Lin Xigu’s hair, patting his back. The blood on his hands streaked through Lin Xigu’s hair. Lin Xigu grabbed his hand to kiss it, to lick the blood off, desperately wanting to clean it away.

She Xiao pulled his hand away and captured Lin Xigu’s lips again.

He took off his own shirt and tore at Lin Xigu’s as well.

Lin Xigu didn’t resist; he acquiesced to everything even as She Xiao unbuckled his belt and pulled off his pants. He lay on the ground, watching She Xiao.

She Xiao looked terrifying—truly terrifying—like a creature from hell, a demon that had clawed his way out.

But Lin Xigu wasn’t afraid.

This was his She Xiao, his little prince.

NSFW

Lin Xigu held She Xiao, who was lying on top of him, and felt surprising relief when he was able to clearly see She Xiao’s body.

There were no injuries on She Xiao’s body—the blood was not his. Only his hand was bleeding.

Good, this is good.

He couldn’t help but think, Lin Xigu, fate has twisted your mind too.

She Xiao kissed his neck, his collarbones, his chest.

In a room built from blood and despair, Lin Xigu abruptly found himself becoming hard.

Holding She Xiao by the waist, he wrapped his legs around him.

He felt She Xiao’s fingers penetrate his body, working him loose with his blood. The blood was starting to dry. Lin Xigu closed his eyes and tried to relax. This was what She Xiao wanted, and whatever She Xiao wanted, he would give.

She Xiao would never hurt him.

When She Xiao entered him, it hurt. The pain was sharp and overwhelming.

Lin Xigu paled but he kept his legs spread open so that She Xiao could more easily position himself. She Xiao’s blood was the only source of lubrication, and it mixed with Lin Xigu’s blood.

Their blood mixed together, without needing to do apart ever again.

His brow furrowed, She Xiao kissed Lin Xigu’s eyes and lips over and over again.

Lin Xigu panted for breath, trying to pull the oxygen into his lungs. He had never felt such pain before, nor such satisfaction. He wanted to laugh.

She Xiao was in pain too. He had grown desensitized to pain long ago. You could tear his tendons and break his bones, flay his skin and carve his flesh, he would not bat an eye.

But this time, She Xiao felt the pain, clear as day. A pain that pierced him to the bones.

Lying underneath him, Lin Xigu was reduced to drawing breath through his mouth, the pain so severe that he was completely pale.

The place where they were connected made She Xiao’s bones ache.

Lin Xigu locked his arms around She Xiao’s neck and arched up to kiss him. “Move already…”

She Xiao pressed Lin Xigu tightly against his chest.

It was a position of absolute protection, and absolute possession. Holding that position, he thrusted into Lin Xigu, making him hurt, making him cry out.

He had lived 18 years not knowing what it was like to feel; Lin Xigu taught him.

He had lived for years not knowing what it meant to have his heart ache for someone else; Lin Xigu made sure he felt it.

Even the nerve endings which had grown numb on his body had been reactivated one by one by the boy under him, and he felt how the hurt had eaten through his flesh to his soul.

She Xiao took everything he could.

Lin Xigu lay there in acceptance of everything that was happening. He made a fist around his soft member and stroked it fiercely, trying to make himself hard. He wanted to come together with She Xiao.

They were making love. After they finished, they would belong to each other completely.

Lin Xigu was numb with pain, but the pleasure built once the numbness set in. Their movements became lubricated as blood pooled between them.

Lin Xigu stroked himself forcefully, his thumb pressing down into the tip. Under intense stimulation, precum started to leak from the hole.

His vision was blurring. He couldn’t see She Xiao clearly anymore.

She Xiao continued moving against him, panting heavily. Lin Xigu felt She Xiao bite down on his collarbone. He bit hard, and didn’t let go for a long time.

It should have hurt, but Lin Xigu hardly felt the pain.

There was only pleasure.

His teeth still locked around his clavicle, She Xiao came inside his body.

Lin Xigu also spurted out onto She Xiao’s body, screaming.

The only thing left in the world was the sound of the other’s breathing and their scent. Their bodies were entangled together, their blood mixed together.

Lin Xigu closed his eyes.

Without much of an interlude, they continued.

She Xiao didn’t pull out before he started moving again.

Lin Xigu held tight to his waist, feeling the muscles tense whenever he used force. He bit She Xiao’s arm and shoulder also.

He bit down on the scars on She Xiao’s body, on all the marks he hated with a passion.

With She Xiao’s cum still in his body, Lin Xigu suddenly started to laugh.

He was ready to face everything fate had in store for them.

He was ready to accept everything this fucked up life had to offer.

No matter what She Xiao was about to face, Lin Xigu was strong enough to carry both of their burdens.

---

Some people were born lucky. They lived out their lives in peace and privilege, able to complain about the slightest of conveniences. But most people were not. They toiled and laboured in the mud. There was not a single moment that they did not dream of escaping their fears and sorrows.

The unlucky would not be puppets forever; they longed to resist.

That night, after the last Gaokao exam, She Xiao’s mother tried to kill the demon who controlled their lives. She had waited a long time for She Xiao to finish school. She no longer wanted to keep living that way. She wanted everything to end so that She Xiao would no longer be tied down, so that he could be free.

But she was no match for that man.

She had tried her best but did not succeed. She only managed to leave two bloody holes in the man’s body.

The demon’s roars woke She Xiao. He opened the door and rushed out.

A split-second decision was all it took for She Xiao to decide whether to escape with his mother and repeat the same hellish cycle, or to kill him.

If he had never seen light, perhaps he would not have so desperately craved the sun.

---

NSFW

That day, She Xiao came again and again inside Lin Xigu. He left bloody handprints all over Lin Xigu’s body.

Lin Xigu was nearly unconscious the last time he came.

She Xiao pressed his nose to Lin Xigu’s.

Lin Xigu’s breaths came out in shallow pants as he tried to focus his eyes on She Xiao’s face. He smiled at She Xiao, trying his best to keep his smile sweet. His throat was so hoarse that his voice was nearly gone. “She Xiao…” he said. “I like you so, so much.”

A tear beaded at the corner of his eye as he finished speaking.

She Xiao closed his eyes.

He pulled out.

Lin Xigu was still twitching. White cum mixed with blood turned murky and dribbled from between his thighs.

She Xiao cupped Lin Xigu’s face with his bloody hands.

Lin Xigu was exhausted, his arms splayed on the ground. He couldn’t lift them if he tried.

That day, when She Xiao spoke into his ear, Lin Xigu carved each word into his bones, so that he would listen, so that he would never forget.

She Xiao said, “Lin Xigu.”

“If I get the death penalty, you will be free.

“If I don’t, you have to wait for me, be it ten years or twenty.

“If you don’t, if you run off with somebody else, then l’ll have nothing to live for, and the first thing I will do once I am released is kill you. Never forget that.”

It was the first time She Xiao ever called him by his name. So that’s what it sounded like to hear his name from She Xiao’s lips.

She Xiao’s voice was very low, very hoarse, but Lin Xigu caught every word.

And he remembered.

Original Author’s Note: Frostbite is complete. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to give She Xiao an easy life. The ending had already been decided at the time I started writing. There is always a price for escaping one’s fate. But it will all pass in time. Allow me to dry your tears and we will meet again in Solace. “Where my heart finds peace, there you will be, and there my home is also.”

Translator’s Note: Thank you for being on this journey with me. I hope the epilogue chapter brings some semblance of closure and we will meet again in the sequel as well.