Lin Xigu didn’t bother stopping at the house first. He asked his dad to take him straight to school.
With graduation season in full swing, the security guard at the gate had given up on enforcing sign-in procedures, knowing third-year students were constantly coming and going for various reasons. He had also stopped pestering latecomers for their class numbers so he could write them up.
Lin Xigu’s heart was pounding as he ran headlong into his old classroom through the back door.
With no teacher present, the classroom was buzzing. Smiles were plastered on every face he saw, the room divided into small, animated groups of conversation. Only a select few of the most dedicated students were still sitting at their desks, quietly studying.
“Lin Xigu!” Li Balei noticed him first and waved.
Lin Xigu took his seat beside She Xiao. She Xiao was watching him too with a smile that filled his eyes.
Lin Xigu could feel himself about to blush, remembering the “little ancestor” text he had received during the drive. He quickly turned toward Li Balei instead. “You look lovely today!”
“Thank you! I’ve lost weight!” Li Balei was wearing her uniform—a white t-shirt, same as everyone else. Her long hair fell to her shoulders, her wide eyes lively and sparkling. She was the image of youth and beauty.
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Nkd Dktw elzkclayvlzu raszsdtle bkp nsdhlapyvksd okvb bla, yzz vbl obkzl alqwpkdt vs ynjdsozletl Fbl Dkys sa xyjl lul nsdvynv okvb bkx.
Tl oyp xwnb vss lxcyaaypple vs zssj yv Fbl Dkys. “Nkvvzl ydnlpvsa”… Nkvvzl ydnlpvsa! Eyp Fbl Dkys vaukdt vs qsanl bkx kdvs yd lyazu tayhl? Tl wple vs tlv blyav ryzrkvyvksdp obldlhla bl alxlxclale vbl qlo vkxlp Fbl Dkys bye nyzzle bkx “cycu” kd vbl rypv. Gde dso Fbl Dkys bye tayewyvle vs psxlvbkdt lhld xsal rlakzswp—”zkvvzl ydnlpvsa”—kd pbsav, bl oyp essxle!
Rv oypd’v wdvkz Nk Jyzlk yde Wydt Dkyspbyd vwadle cynj vs vyzj vs vblka qakldep kd vbl aso yblye vbyv Nkd Dktw xydytle vs pwrralpp bkp czwpbkdt yde pxkzl kd Fbl Dkys’p ekalnvksd.
Fbl Dkys’p lulp nwahle yp bl pxkzle cynj. Tso nswze ydusdl cl ps tsse-zssjkdt?
Nkd Dktw ralpple vbl cynj sq bkp byde vs bkp qynl. Jzwpbkdt oyp y ekqqknwzv vbkdt vs nsdvasz.
Fbl Dkys nswze pll bso Nkd Dktw’p tygl qzkvvle lhlauoblal cwv bkp qynl yp bl yhskele Fbl Dkys’p tygl, bkp qynl vwadkdt ale zkvvzl cu zkvvzl wdvkz lhld bkp lyap olal nakxpsd.
Fbl Dkys tyhl y zso nbwnjzl yde dwetle Nkd Dktw’p zlt wdela vbl vyczl.
Nkd Dktw kdpvkdnvkhlzu rwzzle bkp zlt cynj.
This is turning me on, what am I going to do? I’m going to die.
She Xiao noticed that Lin Xigu was getting genuinely flustered, so he stopped teasing him and turned to quietly look out the window.
Lin Xigu stared raptly at She Xiao’s side profile, his heart so full that it could burst at any moment.
For him, true happiness was being able to sit and watch She Xiao from dawn till dusk, without the worry of having to part looming over them.
Lin Xigu slipped on the class uniform that Li Balei had requested for him over his t-shirt. Zhou Cheng spotted him as their class went to line up for their graduation photos,
Smiling, Zhou Cheng asked, “Back at last, Lin Xigu?”
Lin Xigu nodded, “Zhou-laoshi.”
“Feeling confident about the exam? Think you can help us hold the line on our first-tier university acceptance rate?” Zhou Cheng asked with a smile.
Lin Xigu nodded, “Don’t worry! I got this.”
Zhou Cheng patted him on the arm and walked away.
As they sorted themselves into rows for the class photo, Lin Xigu tried to stand next to She Xiao, but he couldn’t argue against the height difference. In the end, he settled for the row in front. He had to squeeze past several people before managing to press himself against She Xiao who was standing just behind him.
He turned to glance at She Xiao who gave him a small smile.
Lin Xigu reached his hand behind his back, slipping it into She Xiao’s. She Xiao’s fingers were as cold as always, even on such a hot day.
People with cold hands are unloved.1This is a common folk saying. Lin Xigu rubbed She Xiao’s fingertips before firmly enveloping them in his hand.
Everyone else had already received their IDs for the exam. Zhou Cheng handed Lin Xigu his exam supplies and admission slip in-person and paused to impart a few words of encouragement, telling him to do his best, to not be nervous or feel pressured.
The conversation filled Lin Xigu with a warm sense of belonging. He nodded after every sentence, saying, “I will.”
After everyone had packed up their belongings that they were bringing home, the day was over. They had officially graduated. Normally, the class would have shared a farewell meal together, but since they hadn’t taken the Gaokao exam yet, they couldn’t yet allow themselves to relax. So they agreed to postpone the farewell meal until the day after the exam.
Lin Xigu packed up all the books he had left there over the past year, including She Xiao’s, stacking them into a box.
They still had a few days to kill before the exam. During those last few days, there would be no more classes. They were given the time to study on their own, and if they didn’t feel like studying anymore, they could take the time to rest and mentally prepare themselves at home. In any case, there was no need to return to school anymore.
It was only then that the sadness of graduating finally hit Lin Xigu for the first time. Unlike the other school, his eyes lingered on every corner of the building, reluctant to have to say goodbye.
As he was walking out of the school gate, someone called his name from behind him.
He turned to look—it was Zhang Feng from Class 5.
Zhang Feng jogged over and threw his arm around Lin Xigu’s neck. “When did you get back?”
“This morning,” Lin Xigu gave him a small smile. “Where are you taking the exam?”2Depending on the region, exam takers are randomly assigned to one of several high school locations for writing their exam.
“Right here, got assigned to my own school. Eh, I couldn’t care less where I write my exam.” Zhang Feng looked from Lin Xigu to She Xiao who was standing beside him, his lip turning up into a snicker. “Alright, I’m leaving, I’m leaving. Good luck, man. Call me if you need anything.”
Lin Xigu nodded. “Mn, jiayou.”
When Lin Xigu turned around, She Xiao was looking away from them, his brow slightly furrowed.
Lin Xigu nudged his arm. She Xiao looked at him but said nothing.
Lin Xigu knew exactly what She Xiao was thinking. If someone else had put their arm around She Xiao in front of him, he would have been pouting by now. Luckily for him, his boyfriend’s icy personality created a natural force field that repelled everyone except Lin Xigu.
When they turned onto a quiet side street, Lin Xigu leaned in close to She Xiao and whispered, “Don’t be mad…”
She Xiao glanced at him.
Lin Xigu was about to pass out from how cute She Xiao was when he was jealous. “Can we study together the next few days?”
“No,” She Xiao answered coolly.
“Is that so…” Lin Xigu bumped his shoulder lightly against She Xiao as he walked, still carrying the box that held the contents of his desk. “But I miss you. And we haven’t studied together in almost a year…”
She Xiao said nothing.
Lin Xigu continued cajoling his boyfriend, “I really, really, really like you.”3Cue Carly Rae Jepsen.
She Xiao finally gave up the charade as the firmness in his brow melted. He was carrying a large box as well and couldn’t spare a hand to pat Lin Xigu’s head.
When they finally arrived at Lin Xigu’s back gate, he pecked Lin Xigu on the cheek and said, holding his gaze steadily, “Pass the exam…first.”
Lin Xigu shook his head. “But I want to see you.”
She Xiao kissed him lightly on the lips this time, his eyes crinkling into a smile. “If I’m there, you… won’t be able to focus.”
Lin Xigu opened his mouth to respond but said nothing. He couldn’t argue with that.
He had zero self control. If he had to sit next to She Xiao while he studied, all he would want to do would be to look at She Xiao, and all attempts to focus on the questions at hand would go out the window.
In the end, Lin Xigu gritted his teeth and reluctantly nodded. “Alright! I’ll hang in there for a few more days. But if I start to slip, will you come see me?”
She Xiao smiled and nodded, “Of course. Jiayou.”
“You too, only a few more days left,” Lin Xigu said, picking at the edge of the box and lowering his gaze. “You have to finish the exams.”
She Xiao responded with a soft “Mn” in agreement.
In the end, the situation had not changed much from when Lin Xigu was living in a different city. He still couldn’t see She Xiao because he had promised he would stay away for now. He tried his best to focus on studying and not think about how they were only ten minutes apart. But he was content enough as it was, standing so close to the finish line, with the sun breaking through just beyond the horizon. He could already see the light.
Focus on your questions. Review your notes.
He also wanted to get a high score. It would make his parents happy, and She Xiao would be happy for him too.
He didn’t know if She Xiao’s devil of a father had cooled off during this period, but from what She Xiao had mentioned in passing, Lin Xigu deduced that She Xiao’s mother was struggling to maintain the peace at home. She was doing everything she could to appease that man, trying to keep his temper in check so that he wouldn’t have any outbursts that might disrupt She Xiao’s exam preparations.
Lin Xigu quietly hoped her efforts would hold out until the exams were over.
Lin Xigu rarely texted She Xiao in the last few days before the exams. There would be plenty of time for that later. He didn’t want to slip up at this critical junction, nor did he want to disturb She Xiao. He wanted She Xiao to get the top score for no one else but She Xiao himself.
She Xiao had the talent; he deserved to shine.
The night before the exams, Lin Xigu put away all of his textbooks.
He had read all there was to read and wanted to use the remaining time to prepare himself, to mentally reframe all that he had learned. He didn’t want to read anymore.
His mom called to him from the living room, “Come have some fruit, baby.”
“Coming.” Lin Xigu answered and walked out.
“You know that your dad and I don’t care what your final score is. The most important thing is that you finish the exam.” Ji Qiong looked at her son, her eyes a little melancholy. She sighed. “At least, there’s no pressure from our family. As for everyone else, we’ll let the chips fall where they may.”
Lin Xigu nodded. “Don’t worry, Mama. I’m not too worried.”
That night, Lin Xigu texted She Xiao.
Do your best, She Xiao. I’ll be waiting.
Because they had been assigned to different campuses, they would not be able to see each other during the exam. But that was nothing. There were only a couple of days left. It no longer mattered whether they could see each other or not.
He sunk everything he was feeling into that text.
She Xiao replied with a single character,
Mn.
Looking at that word, Lin Xigu let out a long sigh.
I will be waiting for you, She Xiao.
Lin Xigu’s dad saw him off on the first day of the Gaokao exam. They didn’t take the car; the father and son duo made the walk to school on their morning stroll after eating breakfast.
“You didn’t have to escort me,” Lin Xigu told his dad. “It’s just an exam. Why are you so tense?”
“I’m not even that tense; I just thought I should be here for you,” his dad smiled nonchalantly. “The other dads are all with their kids, so I should be here too.”
Lin Xigu snickered. “You’re not going to stand sentry and wait for me to finish writing my exam like the other dads too, are you?”
“Well, I was planning to,” his dad nodded.
“You’re joking, Ba!” Lin Xigu dropped the act as he swatted his dad’s arm. “Wake up! This is no time to be kidding around. Don’t waste your time waiting around all day. How could someone as smart and, frankly, respectable as you do something so silly?”
They had reached the front gates. His dad patted him on the shoulder. “I also think it’s a bit silly. Alright, you’ve convinced me. I’ll wait for you at home.”
“That’s the spirit. Hurry home!” Lin Xigu shooed him away then grabbed his exam badge and pencil case and walked through the gate.
Having familiarized himself with the location beforehand, Lin Xigu quickly found the right room and took a seat.
Acceptance washed over him as he sat there.
He was not nervous, not anxious.
He would even go so far as to say that it felt as though the dust had finally settled on a hard-won victory. He had persevered. She Xiao had persevered, also.
The questions on that year’s exam were extremely difficult. Lin Xigu excelled in answering large volumes of questions quickly but even so, there were many questions he had to skip throughout the two days of exams, and there were also questions that made him second-guess his answer. Yet the tougher the questions, the more pleased he felt.
The harder the exam, the easier it was for She Xiao to outshine everyone else. Our She Xiao is not afraid of a challenge.
When the bell rang to signal the end of his last exam, Lin Xigu set his pencil down and watched as the proctor collected the papers, one by one. Walking out of the exam hall, his heart was unexpectedly calm.
It was as still as a quiet lake.
Yet, there was also a faint sense of loss that everything had finally come to an end.
At first, this feeling was only a small seedling, but as his steps quickened toward the gate, it began to grow with cancerous ferocity, spreading through his limbs and bones.
The first thing Lin Xigu did was retrieve his phone from his dad and turn it on. He immediately dialled She Xiao’s number.
She Xiao answered. Lin Xigu asked in a small voice, “Did you think the questions were hard?”
“No,” She Xiao replied.
Lin Xigu’s lashes fluttered as he pressed, “None of the questions were hard?”
She Xiao responded, “Not a single one.”
Lin Xigu smiled. His heart that had been on edge all year finally drifted back down to earth and settled back in its rightful place.
The exam was over. Both he and She Xiao had made it.
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