As the weather sweltered, so did their tempers.
The ceiling fan creaked and groaned as it spun all day, with no breeze coming through the windows. The stifling heat lulled the third-year students into a stupor every afternoon and even resting their heads on their desks would leave them drenched in sweat in no time at all.
Lin Xigu texted Li Balei,
Princess, leave some towelettes and ice water on his desk for me. You have my eternal gratitude!
Li Balei replied,
Already taken care of, no need to tell me twice!
Lin Xigu was grateful from the bottom of his heart. She had done so much to ease his feelings of panic and helplessness when he had first moved away. He replied,
You will always be my best friend.
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Nk Jyzlk’p alrzu nyxl iwknjzu,
Jawb, kv’p yzalyeu vss bsv, esd’v xyjl xl tlv ydu bsvvla.
Nkd Dktw nbsavzle yp bl rwv bkp rbsdl yoyu, vbkdjkdt bso czlpple vbl osaze oyp vs byhl pwnb y jkde-blyavle uswdt osxyd kd kv.
Yldt Msdt oyp essezkdt kd bkp pjlvnbcssj. Nkd Dktw tzydnle shla vs pll yd ycpvaynv aldelakdt sq y jayjld. Nkd Dktw vbswtbv vs bkxplzq, Wsa psxl rlsrzl, y xypvlarklnl kp fwpv y aydesx essezl. Lso nsxryal vbyv vs uswa sod piwkttzlp.
Mbld bl vbswtbv, Lsv vbyv kv xyvvlap. Jlpkelp, Fbl Dkys zkjle bkp piwkttzlp.
Nkd Dktw rwzzle swv bkp sod dsvlcssj yp olzz yde ealo y zkvvzl nyavssd qktwal, yeekdt vbl osaep: “Fbl Dkys-tltl, fkyusw1加油 (fky/usw) – Nkv. vs “yee skz”. Usxxsdzu wple qsa ldnswaytlxldv, k.l. “Qs!/Zsw tsv vbkp!”. Zsw’al alyekdt y Ubkdlpl olc dshlz ps usw rascyczu yzalyeu jdso obyv vbkp xlydp.!”
Tl vssj y rbsvs yde pldv kv vs Fbl Dkys.
G qlo plnsdep zyvla, bl alnlkhle y vlmv qasx Nk Jyzlk:
Your Xiao Xiao was smiling at his phone just now. If you weren’t the one who texted him, you’d better be careful~ You might have a rival on your hands~
Lin Xigu laughed and texted back:
It was me~
After sending the text, he realized his actions seemed a bit immature, so he put his phone away and refocused on his studies. Meng Tong glanced at him and asked, “Does your partner get good grades?”
Lin Xigu paused, thinking, how do I word this tactfully? My partner is in the running to get the provincial top score. If I said that out loud, would you think I was showing off?
He nodded nonchalantly. “Mn.”
“Better than you?” Meng Tong arched an eyebrow. “So you top students only date each other, huh?”
Lin Xigu tried to hide his grin. “He… mn… he got a 30-point bonus for Peking U because he won a math competition.”
“What?” Meng Tong, who had been reclining on his desk with his chair tilted on its front legs, let it drop back with a loud thud. “That’s unbelievable! So you’re dating a future Pek U student?”
“Ah, well, that’s not a sure thing yet,” Lin Xigu said casually, rubbing his nose. “He might not apply there; he’s not interested in the program they offered him. But if all goes well, he can get into whatever program he wants.”
Meng Tong opened and closed his mouth a few times, then finally shook his head and returned to his sketch.
Lin Xigu felt a sudden rush of satisfaction. How could bragging about his boyfriend bring him so much joy?
Stacks upon stacks of practice tests were distributed to each student. Lin Xigu could tackle them all with incredible speed. He now loved doing problems so much that he could spend three hours immersed in a set of questions without noticing the time passing.
He was surprised at how quickly the hours slipped by when he was working through practice exams. After finishing, he’d look at the clock and think, how nice that so much time has passed already.
Then, just days before the exams, Lin Xigu’s expat mother suddenly appeared in his living room. Lin Xigu walked in and was startled to see her. “Mama, what are you doing here?”
Ji Qiong smiled, “How could I possibly stay away when my son is finally writing his Gaokao exam?”
“You used your vacation days again!” Though Lin Xigu was delighted, he nonetheless frowned. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m in good form. We Facetime every day. What’s there to be concerned about?”
He didn’t want to disrupt his mom’s life, especially since she had her own husband and kids to worry about. Last time, she had stayed nearly two months because of him, and that had made him feel guilty enough as it was.
“That won’t do. I have to be here for my baby’s exams,” Ji Qiong took his backpack from him and set it aside. “I used up all my vacation so I’ll have to leave the same night you finish your exams. But you’re coming to stay with us as soon as you’ve submitted your university applications. Everything is ready for you, and your little sister is so excited she can’t sleep.”
“Okay,” Lin Xigu said with a smile, “Sounds good.”
It was his last week at the new school and his class was ordering uniforms for the graduation photos. As the class president came around, taking orders, Lin Xigu told him, “Leave me out. I’ll be gone by the time graduation photos are taken.”
The class president nodded, “Understood.”
Lin Xigu texted Li Balei next:
Don’t forget me when it comes time to order the graduation uniforms.
Li Balei replied,
Don’t worry, I’ve already paid for yours.
Lin Xigu had always been abundantly clear about his boundaries so he wasn’t particularly close to any of his peers except for Meng Tong, who had been his tongzhuo during his final month. He had always seen himself as an outsider, just a floater renting desk space in this classroom. His old textbooks were still on the windowsill next to She Xiao’s desk.
Lin Xigu told his parents, “I have to go back early to get my exam admission papers and graduation photos. That’s okay with you, right?”
His mother agreed readily, “Of course, we’ll go with you.”
Lin Xigu smiled, “Wonderful.”
Lin Xigu could barely remember how he managed to make it through the last few days. Monday was barely over before the day blurred together and then, it was Saturday.
He had already informed his homeroom teacher that he wouldn’t be coming to school the next day.
Meng Tong announced, “I’m going to draw you today. We’ve been tongzhuo for this long already and I’ve got nothing else to give you.”
Lin Xigu nodded, smiling, “Sure, but make me look good, okay?”
Meng Tong raised an eyebrow and said, “You already look pretty good.”
Lin Xigu chuckled. He had grown quite fond of his new tongzhuo, after everything was said and done. If they had met earlier, they might have become great friends.
Meng Tong decided to sketch Lin Xigu in pencil.
“Do you need me to pose?” Lin Xigu asked. “Don’t artists like you lot need a still model?”
Meng Tong snorted. “Where’d you hear that one from?”
“So no?” Lin Xigu asked.
“Just act normal. You don’t have to stare at me the whole time.”
“If you say so.” Lin Xigu turned back to his practice questions, glancing at Meng Tong’s sketchpad from time to time. “Don’t forget to make me look good.”
Meng Tong ignored him this time.
Lin Xigu scanned the classroom one last time. It was finally time to say goodbye, but he felt not a hint of sadness. He had changed a lot, had become detached. There was nothing in the classroom he felt he would miss; he had spent every moment here waiting to leave.
What he missed wasn’t this classroom. The classroom of his dreams had She Xiao in it.
Meng Tong handed him the finished sketch. In it, Lin Xigu was looking down with a faint smile on his lips, his long eyelashes sharply defined. In the drawing, his smile was notably gentle.
“Is this really what I look like?” Lin Xigu asked.
“Uh-huh,” Meng Tong said. “The image of you furtively texting under your desk during class is a core memory now.
Lin Xigu smiled as he thanked him. “Thanks. You’re going to be the first friend I add once I make my Renren account.”
“You got it,” Meng Tong said.
That day, Lin Xigu packed up all of his things, leaving his desk and the space underneath empty and clean. His dad was waiting for him at the gate. Lin Xigu hurried towards him with a full backpack on his shoulders and a stack of books in his arms.
“You have everything you need?” His dad asked. “No need to come back tomorrow?”
Lin Xigu let out a long sigh of relief. “Nor ever again.”
His dad chuckled. “How did you manage to turn a single school year into a lifelong grudge?”
Lin Xigu patted his backpack. “We can drive back tomorrow then? I can hardly wait. I wish we could head out tonight if it weren’t already so late.”
His dad flicked him on the forehead, then sighed. “My son’s going to be free soon. My little wolf cub’s all grown up. Your old dad’s not going to be able to keep tabs on you anymore.”
Lin Xigu had been looking out the car window as his dad was speaking. He answered quietly, “When I look at you and Mom, I wish I could be a kid forever so you two will never age, never grow old.”
The street lamps outside zipped by, one row after another, their warm orbs reflected brightly in Lin Xigu’s eyes. Biting his lip, he continued, “But all I want right now is to grow up as quickly as possible, so I can do all the things you can.”
His dad used the red light as an opportunity to reach over and ruffle his hair. “Everything I can do, I will do for you. I will always be here to protect you, until you’re old and grey too.”
Lin Xigu sniffed and glanced at his dad’s strong profile, feeling grateful for the way fate had favoured him.
He wished he could share some of that favour with She Xiao as well.
That night, Lin Xigu rolled around in excitement as he texted She Xiao:
Wait for me! Wait for me wait for me wait for me!
She Xiao replied:
I’ll be waiting. Get some sleep.
It was almost two in the morning, but Lin Xigu was still wide awake. The thought of returning to school the next day to collect his exam admission papers, to take his graduation photos, and —most importantly— to see She Xiao again kept him restless with excitement. He was so thrilled that he couldn’t fall asleep.
The Gaokao exam was on the horizon. Or, strictly speaking, it had already arrived on his doorstep.
For the past while, his nerves had been stretched to the limit, that even the slightest jolt could cause them to snap. He was terrified of Li Balei informing him that She Xiao had missed school, that She Xiao was hurt, that She Xiao was unable to hold a pencil.
Soon, he wouldn’t have to keep checking anxiously for updates on his phone. He would be able to see She Xiao every day, to check in on him, watch him eat, watch him breeze through problems with remarkable speed.
He was going to stand as humanly close to She Xiao as possible and take on the world together with him.
At 5:30 the next morning, Lin Xigu flew straight to each of his parents’ rooms and hammered on their doors. “Stop snoozing! Get up, get up! We have to leave before rush hour starts!”
He flung open his dad’s door and was met with a pillow to the face. Lin Xigu tried to shake his dad awake. “Pops, wake up! Put yourself in my shoes for a second. My heart’s already flown away!”
His dad aimed a kick at him. “Wait until your exams are over; we’ll settle the score once and for all.”
“Fine, fine, whatever you say! Just get up and let’s get going, don’t you dare go back to sleep!”
At 6:30, the whole family was packed in the car. Ji Qiong was still yawning nonstop while Lin Xigu spammed She Xiao with text messages from the passenger seat.
She Xiao, She Xiao, She Xiao!
She Xiao, I’m on my way!
She Xiao, I want to stand next to you for the class photo today!
She Xiao, are you still sleeping? Because you should be awake and getting ready for school already!
She Xiao, don’t just ignore me, say something!
He finally received a reply. After reading the text, Lin Xigu buried his face in his lap, rubbing his forehead against his knees as he read the text over and over.
She Xiao’s five-word reply made Lin Xigu deliriously happy.
She Xiao had texted,
Calm yourself, my little ancestor2 小祖宗 (xiao/zu/zong) – Literally “little ancestor”. Since ancestors are to be served and venerated, “little ancestor” is used as an ironic term of affection for someone, usually a child, who is being bratty. As a user on the Chinese Language stack exchange put it: You don’t call children whom you don’t love and take care of a “little ancestor”. A nuisance maybe, but it is a nuisance you are willing to live with..
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