Chapter 65

Taking those words with him, Lin Xigu left the city where She Xiao lived.

His current school was in the city where he was born and raised, but he had a strange feeling that his true hometown was the one he had just left.

As the road rumbled beneath him, he could feel the distance widening between the car and the city behind them. Although he was upset as he had expected, he was still, by all accounts, calm.

After all, there were only 70 more days left. Regular classes would end a few days before the Gaokao. All in all, there was a little over two months before he could start spending every day with She Xiao again.

Only two months. Some might think it’s a long time, but it would not be wrong to call it short either. Time would pass quickly.

“You’ve got the blues again, don’t you?” The driver glanced at Lin Xigu and chuckled. “Missing your little sweetheart already?”

“Ah, yeah,” Lin Xigu chuckled too and nodded.

The driver turned up the radio for his sake where a local music station was playing. Lin Xigu did not recognize the song. When he had first been forced to leave this place, every passing day had felt like a year. Looking back, more than 100 days had passed already.

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“R nswzed’v qkde kv.” Tkp eye pzke vbl cynj nshla sqq vbl alxsvl yde plv vbl vkdu pnalop ypkel. “Tyhl usw bye ekddla ulv?”

“Ls, cwv R’x dsv bwdtau.” Nkd Dktw vssj sqq vbl fynjlv sq bkp pnbssz wdkqsax yde qszele kv shla vbl cynj sq vbl nswnb. “Pke usw lyv?”

“R eke. R esd’v byhl iwkvl yp xwnb vs osaau ycswv yp usw, ps xu yrrlvkvl’p talyv,” bkp eye pyke.

Nkd Dktw nbsavzle. “R vbkdj usw’al vaukdt vs xyjl xl xye.”

“Rq usw pyu ps.” Tkp eye zssjle wr yv bkx yde dsvknle bkp lulp, aykpkdt bkp lulcasop. “Pke usw cwpv y oyvla rkrl?”

“Ah,” Lin Xigu rubbed his eyes. “That obvious?”

“Mn.” His dad ruffled his hair with one hand. “Why were you crying? Did something happen?”

Lin Xigu had no intention of lying to his dad. He gestured to his forearm between his wrist and his elbow. “From here to here. His arms are almost minced meat. I can’t see any hope in our situation anymore, Pops.”

His dad’s movements slowed. Then, he heaved a sigh and resumed turning the screwdriver. “To be completely honest with you, son, I don’t know where to find hope either.”

Lin Xigu rubbed his nose. “I guess we’ll have to take it one step at a time.”

He knew what his dad was thinking. What his dad wanted most was for him to leave She Xiao for good, to break things off completely. He did not want Lin Xigu to have any ties to that family. Everyone was capable of empathy, but his child had to come first—all other feelings fell by the wayside.

But it was impossible for Lin Xigu to leave She Xiao, so the conversation ended there for the time being.

After that day, Lin Xigu’s mental state unexpectedly took a turn for the better.

Perhaps it was because he had seen She Xiao in-person which had given him fuel. Or perhaps it was those words She Xiao had left him that made him too afraid to break down or lose sleep at night.

Li Balei continued to be his eyes and ears, reporting on She Xiao’s condition to him every day. She Xiao had not changed much. He spent most of his time sleeping. He still never answered Lin Xigu’s video calls but would occasionally talk to him over the phone for a few minutes.

He replied to most of Lin Xigu’s texts.

Lin Xigu was pleased with what he was able to get. He no longer needed She Xiao to be in constant communication with him. He just wanted him to be unhurt.

The countdown on the blackboard went down from the seventies to the sixties, then from the fifties into the forties.

Time continued to shrink, little by little, and the weather was starting to warm again. He grew a little closer to his new classmates but they were still under a lot of stress every day. In the lead-up to the ultimate exam, every teacher and student carried the weight of it on their shoulders, and it seemed tiring even to a bystander looking in.

Lin Xigu’s grades held steady. He was fairly confident that he would get accepted at a first-tier university.

He placed all the credit on having found himself a genius for a boyfriend. His boyfriend was far too intelligent and intelligence was contagious.

During evening self-study that night, Lin Xigu completed a set of math problems then graded his answers. He had felt unsure of himself as he was solving them—there were some questions that he had outright guessed, unsure whether his logic was sound—but he was surprised to find out that he had solved the questions exactly the way he was supposed to. For such a difficult problem set, most of his answers were actually right.

Lin Xigu felt a little giddy as he took a picture and sent it to She Xiao.

She Xiao replied:

Great job.

Lin Xigu found the reply kind of sweet. He asked:

Do I get a prize?

She Xiao answered:

What would you like?

Lin Xigu texted:

Two kisses pls.

He did not receive a reply immediately and so Lin Xigu was thoroughly convinced that the text would remain unanswered. But as the end of school bell rang, his phone buzzed with a new text.

=33=

Lin Xigu looked at his screen and his mind went blank. A few moments passed before he burst into laughter, doubling over his desk and hiding his snorts in his arm. He didn’t emerge until the final bell rang.

He was much too cute. It should be illegal to be so cute.

This was something Lin Xigu had taught She Xiao before. He had sent She Xiao a long string of this particular emoticon. She Xiao had asked him why it was so long and Lin Xigu, grinning, had explained that each ‘3’ represented a kiss.

He never imagined that She Xiao would one day send him the same thing. It was so out of character for the usually aloof She Xiao.

But when She Xiao, with his cold and distant personality, acted cute on occasion, he was capable of dealing a critical hit to Lin Xigu’s heart and making his knees weak.

He couldn’t help but bask in the glow of the kissing emoticon the entire way home.

He meandered slowly down the street, carrying his backpack. The streetlights stretched his shadow into a long, languid line. The hazy yellow glow of the street lamps, a young man walking alone—the visual of the scene gave off a kind of quiet melancholy.

Yet, the boy in the scene felt no sadness. On the contrary, he was overjoyed by the text he had received from his boyfriend, bouncing a little with each step.

He called She Xiao who, to his surprise, answered and it raised Lin Xigu’s spirits even higher.

“Good evening, She Xiao!” His voice was incredibly energetic as he declared, “I miss you!”

She Xiao had a smile in his voice. “Good evening.”

“Where are you now?” Lin Xigu asked, deducing that She Xiao was walking home too on the other end of the line.

“The first… intersection,” She Xiao answered.

“I just turned the corner too.” Lin Xigu clutched the phone to his ear, his lips turned up in a wide smile. “It rained here today and the air smells great.”

“Mn.”

“The third mock exam is coming up. If I do well, will I get another reward?” Lin Xigu asked, remembering the text from earlier with a laugh.

She Xiao chuckled too. “What would you like?”

Lin Xigu’s eyes sparkled, “Another two kisses, but in person this time. I want real kisses!”

She Xiao paused for a few seconds before agreeing, “Okay.”

“And how would you define ‘doing well’?” Lin Xigu knew his request was practically impossible. Given their current situation, they could only save such promises for when they could finally see each other again, in which case he wouldn’t split hairs about one or two kisses; he would make sure to get all the kisses he could get. He smiled, “Top ten?”

“Deal,” She Xiao said.

Lin Xigu kicked a pebble, watching as it rolled forward and hit the curb with a soft thud.

He knew that getting into the top ten was unrealistic. His best result to date was 13th and even that had been a fluke.

Grinning impishly, Lin Xigu continued, “I had a really good sleep last night. I dreamt about you. It wasn’t a nightmare. I dreamt you were wearing your denim jacket and you looked really nice. You were going to take me sandboarding.”

“Mn,” She Xiao answered in a low voice.

“But we couldn’t go in the end because it was raining.” Lin Xigu rambled on. On a mild spring night, his chatter was warm, endearing.

Lin Xigu reluctantly hung up the phone just before climbing the stairs to his apartment.

He hadn’t heard She Xiao’s voice in almost a week, so the phone conversation had felt like an unexpected treat that filled his cup completely.

After getting home, Lin Xigu finished another set of practice problems. He wasn’t tired, so he thought he might as well study. Even though he didn’t expect to break into the top ten, he still wanted to do well.

Recently, the art students had returned from their trip, and Lin Xigu found himself seated with a new tongzhuo. His new neighbour was one of the returning art students and was actually quite cool.

He was tall and reasonably good-looking. If Lin Xigu hadn’t met She Xiao, he might have enjoyed sharing a desk with him.

But after meeting She Xiao, everyone looked identical to him. After seeing the most beautiful face, all others became unmemorable.

Lin Xigu realized how much he had changed. Sitting next to a cute guy didn’t excite him anymore; instead, it felt a little awkward.

Because to him, his tongzhuo should be She Xiao. Without She Xiao, he would rather have the seat beside him stay empty than have someone else occupy it.

That morning, when he walked into the classroom, his new tongzhuo had already arrived and was eating xiaolongbao and sweet congee for breakfast. Seeing Lin Xigu approach, he stood up and made room for him.

“You had breakfast yet?” He asked.

Lin Xigu nodded. “Yup. You go ahead.”

“If you mind the smell, I can take it outside,” his tongzhuo said.

“No, no, it’s okay. You eat, I don’t mind.” Lin Xigu said as he took out another set of practice questions and began to write.

He was also an A-student now, of sorts.

“Do you have any napkins?” Lin Xigu heard his tongzhuo ask as he was in the middle of a question.

Lin Xigu took out a box from his desk and handed it to him. “Here, help yourself.”

“Thanks.” His tongzhuo took a couple and wiped his mouth with it, then cleared off his desk and left to throw out the garbage. When he returned, he was chewing gum.

Lin Xigu hadn’t talked to him much since he was first assigned there. He wasn’t used to having someone sit beside him again all of a sudden, and he had actually been strongly opposed to the idea.

He only wanted She Xiao in that spot.

He wanted his cool genius who spoke very little, who had a bad temper but who would, over time, reveal himself to be extremely gentle.

He finished an especially complicated question then put away his notebook, replacing it with the textbooks he would need for the next class. As he did so, his tongzhuo asked, “Do you like to draw?”

Lin Xigu blinked and looked at him. “Mn?”

The other person shrugged. “I found one of your drawings on the floor.”

That must have been one of the notes he had doodled for She Xiao. Lin Xigu suddenly felt a little self-conscious. After all, it was slightly embarrassing to be caught doodling stick figures in front of someone who would be attending LAFA¹Lu Xun Academy of Fine Arts, or LAFA, is an art school in Shenyang. in the fall.

“Ah…” Lin Xigu smiled self-consciously. “I mostly just doodle for fun.”

“For your partner?” His tongzhuo asked.

“…” Lin Xigu nodded. “Yeah…”

His tongzhuo nodded too, then said, “If you like to draw, I can teach you something simple to start. You can try it out if you’d like.”

Lin Xigu nodded, grinning. “Alright then.”

From that day on, the little stick figures that Lin Xigu drew for She Xiao evolved and became a little more complex. Their appearance changed too. After all, he was being coached by a professional now, and his figure drawing was steadily improving.

Lin Xigu had drawn a smiling figure and written beside it

— Do I look better than usual today?

She Xiao texted back:

Yes.

Lin Xigu hid a grin as he typed his reply under the desk:

My tongzhuo is an art student who’s awesome at drawing. He’s the one who taught me. 

It took five minutes for She Xiao to reply. The text contained only one word and one punctuation mark.

Mn?